Then GF writes:


The only way this conversation could be PERFECTLY LEGAL GF is by the court/judge rescending the PO. Has your wife become a judge in the last 24 hours?

Why are you risking going to jail or more severe long term legal ramifications by believing her. You have told me that she is a habitual liar. But here you are believing her.

Its quite easy to see she has had time to think about all the things she still needs from you to make the Divorce easier for HER, like; babysitting, your income, your sig on the dotted line for the refi, etc. Bascially your compliance in doing anything and everything she wants so she can soon walk away from you to be with OM, and ONLY ON HER TIMELINE. When SHE says WHEN, not you.

Has she agreed to end the "un-affair" (aka friendship) with OM? I doubt it.

Until she ends the affair, you owe it to your daughter to MAN UP and teach your wife to respect you. Stop enabling her.

Jo

GF,

If your wive is certain that the marriage is over, then no, she is not 'hitting reality'. She has only realized that she can't hump the OM as easily while your daughter is around. She wants you to start babysitting again.

She also is setting you up to break the law again and burn even more bridges.

It's one thing to have a good heart, my friend, but it's another thing to be made a fool because of it. Stand up and take control.

Ok, thank you all for the advice...you are right, I do desparately want to trust her...but the key is "I Want to"; as of right now I am NOT trusting her.

It is legal for her to contact me...the officer that served me the papers and escorted me around my home made it very very clear as to what is legal and what is not. I can not contact her in any way shape or form, not even through a third party.

It is however legal for her to contact me, it is her choice, since she is the one that initiated the PO. I still refuse to be in her presence, and will continue to until the PO is canceled.

I am also telling her that I will make no promises or commitments when it comes to planning Custody/Visitation/divorce issues. I am not willing to talk about it without a lawyer present.

Like I said last night, I am still documenting and preparing for a war. It will be up to her to come through with her word and "cancel the war". I will not trust her word...I will watch her actions, and let them speak for her, while protecting my position legally.

I'm sorry if my comment last night made it seem that I had fallen right back into my old habit of believing everything she says...I have not. I won't fall into that trap again. As it stands, everything is resting on her actions with the court/lawyers, and I made that clear to her.

I will keep you informed, and thank you so much for the concern and advice. Please keep it coming, it is helping me immensely (I'm sure I would be in far worse shape without it).

Okay, good. Glad you are hearing us.

You have so many opportunities to teach your wife to respect you in this situation. They're in there, you just have shut out all those romantic and sentimental notions you have for now, and show her.

She is accustom to the old dynamics with you where she runs the entire show, including buldozing over the top of you and your decisions, and right now AT YOURS AND YOUR DAUGHTER'S EXPENSE.

I'm a very strong female so I know a bit about this.

Every chance you get to demonstrate to your wife that you and your choices are to be respected will give your wife something to think about.

You don't have to be mean, loud or hurtful. Just self confident and resolved in yourself and your choices.

Jo

Perfect example of her running the show. Now here's how you demonstrate you and your choices are to be respected.

Next time she calls tell her unless it is an emergency about DD, that you're receptive to talking to her BUT NOT UNTIL she has rescended the PO and proven as such. Until then, she needs to funnel all communications to you through your attorney. Then nicely ask her if she needs that number again.

Then document that convo and give it to your attorney.

Jo

I agree. It is a huge change for me, but I feel like I have some control now over myself. I'm no longer afraid to tell her exactly how I feel, and I can do it with confidence now. Thanks to MB.

Our conversation last night was a complete reversal of roles. I was confident and grounded, and in control of my emotions. She on the other had was very emotional, in her words "a mess". This is something that has never happened before where the roles have reversed.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still very wary, I know she's capable of just about anything. And I will continue to be careful and not jepordize my ability to win custody of DD.

As we had talked in an ealier conversation, DO NOT think she [WW] is ready to be told about MB. She isn't and won't be for a long time.

Don't disclose MB to her no matter how tempted you are. You can't educate a cheating spouse, but what's more important you'll lose your safe place. It WILL be used against you, guaranteed.

Jo

"Peace thru superior firepower."

Respect will come for you as you continue stading firm. Respect will come for you when she sees what happens when you get to launch your opening salvo!
Respect for you will come as her world falls apart...and she looks at you still standing like a rock.

Remember, no woman loves a man that she cannot respect.

I have been in your shoes. Very similar stuff. I got custody over a year ago. Please heed what these folks have said (I know you are!!).

You must take the initiative. You press the fight and go straight for the jugular. At this point, your wife only becomes your wife again thru surrender. Until then, you are on a mission. Your life, your DD's life...even your wife's life depends on it.

It may depend on you destroying your WW. But then again, who really wants a WW (besides nasty OM??)? You certainly dont want that alien, do you?

Demand respect! As a military member, you understand this. If you are in charge, then you demand those under you to treat you with respect. Period. Well, you are in charge of your marriage. You are the commander. You make the decisions. As my link at the bottom has in it..."make no mistake, she takes MY name!!"

Great advice from everyone here!!

In His arms.

The Boiled Frog
They say that if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water,
it will leap out right away to escape the danger.
But, if you put a frog in a pot that is filled with water that is cool and comfortable.
and then you gradully heat the pot until it starts boiling,
the frog will not become aware of the threat until it is too late.
The frog's survival instincts are geared towards detecting sudden changes.

DO YOU HEAR THIS GOOD FATHER? are you a frog? do you want to be a frog? your ww is doing this to you...being nice and all "I am so sad and messed up...I could be messed up b/c I am putting you thru so much..let's take CARE OF THIS NOW AND WORK IT OUT (not recovery, but a quickie divorce) GOOD FATHER."

beware of the alien.

only speak with child. no conversations with alien as my attny's at end of divorce forbid me from taking to my xh...and I was in b plan anyway by then.

i fear she is attempting to lull you into false sense of security to only attempt something more dastardly.

I love it, Peach!

Good Father, do not end up a BOILED FROG. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

That's good Peachy!!

Justpeach------> POST OF THE DAY.....

Nice job...nothing more needs to be said.

LM

That's good. Just know your feelings of confidence may also be attributed to your WW now feeling off balance or a "mess" as she stated.

Its an unconscious dance -- She feels confident, you feel insecure. She feels a mess and you feel in-control.

Try not to participate and find your confidence within yourself regardless of her side of the dance.

Jo

GREAT point, Jo!!

GF, notice what happens when you get your WW off balanced? notice how she acts, how she talks, what she does. This is what you are going to try to do to her. Keep her off balance, by pressing the fight. By staying above the fray.

In His arms.

Hi GF -

Putting just a bit more emphasis on what others have already said, please do not underestimate the deviousness and unscrupulousness of a WS in heat.

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

Look at your wife in the reflection of the distorted reality mirror. She is currently capable of acts beyond comprehension to further her dopamine addiction - similar to heroin or crack addicts who will rob or attack to get their next fix.

I suggest you not talk to her whatsoever unless it involves an emergency regarding your daughter - and even then only if you can separately confirm such an emergency exists.

WAT

Hey GF,

Just wondering how you're doing today.

We're all thinking about you here.

Stay Strong!

Good Father,

How are things?

Jo

GF. I'm sorry I'm a little late to this fight, but I want you to call me as soon as you to contact you as soon as possible. I'm not sure if you read my thread. Can you give me a personal Email account. I think I may have some solutions for you to protect your daughter from the nutball WW of yours.

Sleepless.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I apologize for skimming but there are 48 pages. You sound nearly identical to me, but you have a daughter and I have a son. A WW is capable of THE most bizarre behavior... but I don't have to tell you and the advice you have so far is surely excellent. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My STBXW abducted my DS8 on Mothers Day last year and took him to Paris. She filed a restraining order against me too. Per Dr. Harley's advice, I got a good lawyer. What REALLY helped though was this. When my son was abducted and I had to appear in court for the restraining order, I requested a Parenting Evaluation to determine custody. Call me and I'll give you the Dr.'s name who flew to Paris checked out my WW and son, interviewed and tested me, and then she recommended that I be given residential custody. She is VERY well respected in the city of Seattle. Cost is about $6000, but more if she has to fly to Paris <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />. Worth every cent. The good Dr. recommended that I be the primary parent because WW could not put the child's needs before her own... you know like flying off to see a boyfriend every weekend.

Now recent news is that using keylogger to gain access to the WW's email acount is illegal.. Federally. HOWEVER, I believe the screen shots on the home computer are not. Just so you are aware. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I felt much better after I confronted my WW too. You sound like an enabler too. I'm recovering. Gimble helped with that..Didn't see his posting... so let me take over. Your WW is not the woman you married. There were signs there, but in general she's changed. She should NOT have custody of your daughter. Now when you toughen up, things WILL get ugly. (probably) The Seattle courts are tilting toward considering fathers as good parents.... who would have thought that? When the female judge in the court read everything that my WW had done... now granted it was with a 19 year old male nanny, but your's is FLYING ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO SEE AN OLD BOYFRIEND!!! HELLOOOOO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The Seattle judge (female) looked at WW's attorney and said if your client wants to have any chance for future custody, she had better seek some help.

Three days later my WW flew back into town for a visit and filed rape charges against me. So don't be surprised my friend.

Give me direct contact information ASAP, I can check this from work.

God Bless

SleeplessnSeattle