Stay true to your good character and you cannot lose.


Print that out, carry these words with you and when in doubt read again!

GF,

If you have time, please find and read Sleepless in Seattle's posts. He won primary custody of his child despite his XW's accusing him of rape and any number of other distasteful things. I have asked him to read and chime in on your thread, but he is out of pocket until Monday. Hopefully, he will come over and visit your thread. If so, you may want to talk about attorneys with him...his was brilliant. His wife's, well, some of us were wondering where she got her law degree from.

Meanwhile, do exactly what your attorney has advised. Better safe than sorry.

Regards,

BB

gf...

DO NOT ENLIST HELP OF NEIGHBOR...if you get intell, get it from A PROFESSIONAL...and it's best done by them b/c they do it for a living and don't get caught usually...heck, my ultra (he believes ) saavy xh DID NOT FIGURE OUT THE PI'S FOLLOWED HIM TWICE...never did. Nah.

Plus, the neighbor could turn on you and turn you in...would not look good in the court system. not at all.

stick with attorneys' advice...encourage attny to use "all means necessary" to win this custody issue.

brit's brat is RIGHT! SHE IS AN ATTNY btw...she's also really sharp and I think alot of her.

Wait for our friend to return on monday...see how he did it...SUCCESS IS YOUR PATTERN...see what patterns are common in achieving the following...first custody...and after that issue is resolved, you can begin ato address the marriage stuff...but the issue regarding your ch ild and preserving her innocence and keeping her out of that unstable environment is what you need to do.

and me? Like david vs. goliath. My xh would be goliath btw...he has tons of money...always bounced when he'd come close to crashing out...he never got to feel the pain or the effects of HIS OWN ACTIONS b/c his money prevented this from happening. But I WON EACH TIME WE GOT BEFORE THE JUDGE..in the end, I had to negotiate with him b/c I had run out of money to fight him...he has an endless supply..but I still have a bit more custody than he does...and he is ALWAYS GIVING DS BACK TO ME when even it's his time with son.

such as life of a ws...responsibilities are NOT ATTRACTIVE to them.

I fought the good fight and still am....for my ds depends on it. I got divorced b/c sadly some here do NOT RECOVER...SOMETIMES THE WS REMAINS A WS...only to recover at some later time...BUT I AM HAPPILY RECOVERED AND HAVE A CLEAN CONSCIENCE KNOWING I DID ALL A HUMAN COULD POSSIBLY DO.

And yea, my xh's affair marriage is dying. It's dying a natural death right according to the harleys' timeline of two years. Sadly, he remarried instantly as your WW is kinda acting as she wants to do. In texas' WH is doing the same. We get some of em' here that try to do that....but it is A MISERABLE FAILURE IF THEY DO THAT...will end 100 percent of the time. that's a fact!

You already know the future...affair ending and going down in flames with lots of damage...keep dd out of it! keep her out of the line of their fire! gotta do it. So you pick your issues now and address them one by one until all obstacles are overcome. That's what one of my counselors (who is a huge believer in MB principles) advised me to do when my wh turned nasty and it was imminent that there would be legal issues at hand. My xh was all about keeping ALL ASSETS AND HAVING OW AS SURROGATE MOMMY ...it was totally sickening...having been an incredible mom and great wifey to hear all that crud. It was same as you.

It's all garbage they spew out...ds went to dad's yesterday before school (sometimes xwh will take ds to school b/c I go to work very very early and we can let ds sleep an extra 1.5 hours) and when I picked up ds from school, ds exclaims, "they're yelling again!"...yea. it's never stopped over there.

My home = peace
xwh affair home = unrest and unhappiness

So this will be the case of your WW if she continues ahead as a WW. But you gotta at least secure MORE time with your dd to ensure that dd sees one home that is FUNCTIONAL, SAFE, AND SECURE. Kids gotta have peace. My ds knows 100 percent that when he's with me, HE MATTERS. And that I LISTEN TO HIM. and that I am NOT ALL ABOUT ME...that it is all about our little family <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That is what has kept him clear headed, happy, and contented. What PULLS HIM THRU THE UNREST AND INSTABILITY WHEN HE VISITS HIS DAD. And it's really sad. His dad has been of late, spending more and more ALONE TIME with ds than with his "instant add water family of oc and ow's son"...he is spending time alone now with HIS OWN CHILD...guess my xh is seeing that he's lost some PRECIOUS TIME with his own boy...precious time lost serving his own needs and that he walked out on his namesake.

Just stick to the lawyers' ideas. And tell lawyer to do all they can do and YOU WILL BE COMPLIANT and just to get custody...and borrow money from family, or the bank to get that pi! GET THE PI.

you need the dirt for your attorney. Sadly, it's come down to this.

I DETEST SEEING BS HERE GETTING TRAMPLED LEGALLY...HATE IT...I have walked here and will not allow anybody to suffer or their kids to suffer b/c they are rendered frozen, locked in place afraid to fight or to stand up to their Ws because of such pain, depression, or hurt. Wake up! stand up straight, suck in a deep breath, and live to accomplish the one goal of the day...work it until your goal is complete..no matter how long it takes.

And don't forget to treat yourself well during this because let's face it, your WS is NOT MEETING ANY EN'S RIGHT NOW AT ALL!..that means get sleep, eat good foods, eat healthy..get plenty of time in sunlight and exercise (fights depression) and do little things for yourself that will not break the budget.

and you'll be fine <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You're gonna pull thru!

And when our friend here who won total custody of his dd comes back, you can hear how he did it...
Just don't be frozen any longer. you can do it!

Hi GF,

I have a few points I wanted you to keep in mind. First, for now, do what your lawyer says and follow her instructions to a T until you have your court hearing in two weeks. However, be sure to let your lawyer know that you are going for the jugular, legally, on this. You are not going to be the nice guy and she should represent you accordingly. That is to say, in negotiating with WW or her lawyer and when you present your case to the court you give no corners. You ask for full custody, not primary custody. You ask for child support ASAP. You ask for your WW to leave the home ASAP, not in 30 days. You don’t agree, at leas at first, to any request your WW makes if it will cost you in any way. In short, you play hardball.

In negotiating with WW, you start at the extreme and move to the middle. You don’t start in the middle and expect her to be reasonable. She has shown herself to be very callous and unconcerned at all about you. Thus you should not expect her to act rationally in negotiations. However, two can play the game. And it is exactly that that you should do.

You record all your contacts with WW, notwithstanding your lawyer’s objections. Your WW does not have to know that you are doing this; you just do it to cover your back in case she makes some outlandish accusation against you with respect to your interactions with her. You probably will not be able to present these recordings as evidence, but you probably can use them to impeach any false statement WW makes in court.

As others have said, I am sure that your WW now sees you being out of the house as a great opportunity for OM to come visit. See if you can get a PI or some friend to occasionally check your home to see if OM comes by. OM being at your house would be a great piece of evidence to use against WW in court.

Let your neighbor know the real deal, but do not confide in him or her. Nor do you cry in front of him or her again.

Last, this is as good as any time for you to pray to God. Like I said before, He is greater than all of this, than all of us. Trust in Him bro, trust in Him!

God bless.

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling ok. I talked to DD again last night and this morning...more than 30 minutes total, which is FAR more than WW talked in 10 days she was in Florida and the 5 days she was in Vegas PUT TOGETHER!!

I will follow my lawyer's advice, it would be stupid not to. I will continue to document everything I can, and everything I can remember from our past that will be an indication as towards my WW's character.

I talked to the officer that responded to my house the other night. He said that he would not write a statement for a civil problem, but he would testify if subpoenad. He agreed with me that I did not display any anger, though I had every right to be frustrated. He suggested that I tell the court that I spoke to him and to relay his comments. He also suggested to get many character witnesses on my behalf, to help dispute these allegations from my WW that I am irrational.

Anyway, that's the update so far for today...we'll see if WW breaks her word again and keeps me from seeing DD tomorrow.

GF,

Since the officer that responded to your house is so nice on this, you must take advantage of it. Have your lawyer do a quick affidavit of the officer under oath and have her present it to the court. I think this is a great opportunity to squash your WW's charges once and for all. Don't wait on this and don't be reactive again. This is a great opportunity to somewhat level the playing field again.

Have your attorney subpoena the officer - that was his way of telling you to do so - that way he gets paid OT for court time.....if he shows on his own accord, he doesn't get paid OT....

Regards,

BB

Great advice from UVA, GF.


And equally outstanding info from BB.

FWIW, I did not advocate that GF try 2 enlist the neighbor as an ally.

What I suggested is that he inform him/her what's going on. Be matter-of-fact, NOT emotional.

The truth can NOT hurt.

-ol' 2long

WW is hitting reality pretty hard, she called me (perfectly legal, don't worry!) and we talked a couple times for nearly an hour total.

She's still certain that the M is over, but it's just not right not having me in the house...I'm fairly confident that she's going to have the PO dropped, but we'll still just have to wait and see.

I'm most certainly taking everything she says with a gigantic grain of salt.

Be very, very cautious. She may be trying to set you up. Is she calling you on your cell phone, so you have records proving that she contacted you? Don't call her back and have her call you when your daughter speaks to you. Make sure that you're keeping records about who you talked to, the date and time (to match up with cell records) and the general subject matter. Don't let her pull you into a trap, whatever you do. In fact, you should really consult with your lawyer about having conservations with your wife -- especially if it doesn't pertain to your daughter.


My guess is that she's going to have a very hard time having to take care of your daughter. She's used to doing whatever she wants, so having to be available to take care of a child 24 hrs a day is going to get old fast. Even though it's hard to be away from your daughter, it's good for your WW to see what's in store for her if you are forced out of the home. It's also good for the slimey OM to see that she can't be at his beck and call, because she's being forced to be a mother. It's been like she's single up to this point. It'll be a reality check for OM to get a tiny glimpse of what their lives would be like together if there's a kid involved.

It's also good that you can show that even after your WW had you tossed out of your own home for no reason, that she's already calling you and talking. That shows that she must not be too afraid of you.

Question... to try to get a better handle on your wife. You said that she'd had gastric bypass surgery. Do you think that she started straying soon after losing weight? If she were very, very obsese, it's very likely that most men would've never given her a chance. You're obviously a very loving person and were able to love her when she was heavy. She may feel like she can have a lot more men interested in her, now that she's lost weight and she may be wanting to play the field. I take it that she's lost 100+ lbs or more?

This kind of adds to the level of complexity in dealing with her. Not only is she being way more selfish and devious than most WS's, but this is added into the mix. It also appears, from what you said, that her family members are not the most moral people around -- so, you can't get any help from them to help guide her.

I hope that you can talk to a good counselor and get their take on all this. I think your situation is going to be much more complex than most affairs.

GF,

Even if she contacts you, you must be very careful. This is not reality hitting her, it is her trying to manipulate you further. I assure you she will use this to say you violated the PO. She most likely called from the house phone and will claim you called her. Another possibility is she will say that she called you regarding arrangements for DD but you turned the conversation and made threats, creeped her out, indicated you were following her, etc.

Regards,

BB

GF. DO NOT TRUST YOUR WW!<<<<--------

THis is NOT your W. THis is the WW. SHE WILL USE THIS AGAINST YOU!

GF, as hard as this is for you and your DD, this is the CONSEQUENCES of HER own actions. A couple of DAYS of reality do NOT make her FACE what she has CHOSEN or the RESULTS of her actions.

She is WORKING you again! imho. DO NOT TRUST HER!

GF, so what happens IF you go back? The SAME thing, correct? She will be a CAKE EATER supreme. You are thee for DD while WW is free to pursue her A with OM. There is NOTHING in place that will REQUIRE her to STOP that. Nor is there anything in place to stop her from doing this AGAIN!

In fact, IF you were tog o back, it MAKES her case even better! She can THEN say that she TRIED but that you were too emotional, unreliable, stalking, etc. WHATEVER she says.

I am 99.9999999% sure that this is part of the BIGGER plan that she has already instigated. Her and OM had PLENTY of time to work thing out on how they would PLAY you!

GF. THis is from another BS. And a woman! SO I can see WHY you WANT to trust her. I can SEE why you want to go home. LET YOUR Lawyer handle this. But your WW has a CLEAR agenda. And it is NOT for YOUR benefit at all.

DO NOT take her calls unless you have WITNESSES AND record the conversations! Get your name off the CC’s and work on your defense and offense.

GF, you hesitated to file. You hesitated to believe the advice given here about what your WW was up to. And unfortunately this advise came from EXPERIENCE. PLEASE listen. You have TWO layers on MB PLUS a LOT of BSs who have BEEN there. USE the experience. DO NOT think that your WW is any different.

GF. THINK of DD. You MUST protect yourself and HER! This is a WAR and WW is smart and sneaky and will USE your LOVE for DD to get to you and to manipulate you. That does NOT bode well for the outcome. For YOU!

GF,

I want you to read and then re-read what I'm about to post to you:

WARNING!!!!!!!

I do not care how sincere your wife appears, DO NOT TALK WITH HER AT ALL, until after the court hearing!

You say its legal? LEGAL according to who, HER???

You have been warned repeatedly here on MB about the mindset of a actively cheating spouse - THEY CANNOT BE TRUSTED - yet you are leading with your heart once again.

I strongly believe this recent "illegal" communication will bite you and daughter in the butt.

You're not listening to people who have walked in your shoes and have seen hundreds if not thousands who have done the same. YOUR WW IS NO DIFFERENT! I know you think she is, but she ISN'T.

I'm sorry this is so firm, but your wife knows precisely how to turn you into MUSH and you're allowing her to do it again. She wants something from you and needs to manipulate you into doing it, hence the recent contact. Its NOT ABOUT LOVE or conscience.

Why are you allowing it???

Jo

If she wants so badly to talk to you, tell her to rescend the OP first and show you proof, then "maybe" you'll consider it.

In other words: MAN UP

GF,

Like I said before believe nothing your WW says and only half of what you see.

I have some questions and hope you answer them.

1. Are you recording these phones conversations?
a. If not, why not?
b. Do you plan to record them?
c. If not, are you really serious about standing up for yourself and DD?

2. Do you plan to go for the jugular legally on WW?
a. If not, why not?

3. Do you think you can trust WW in anyway now?

4. Do you intend to have the officer subpoenaed by your lawyer?
a. If not, why not?

5. Do you plan to ask your lawyer to ask the court for an emergency hearing to deal with your current situation?

I ask these questions so we can be a little bit clearer of your plans, and so that you are just not reacting to your WW’s actions.

If WW calls again and wants to talk, tell her that you will not talk to her--aside for when you get DD--until she drops the PO order. Repeat this as much as possible and hang up on her if you have to. You cannot be legally cautious enough with WW. She has proven that she will do anything against you to advance her interest. Trust her at your own peril!

Resilient,

You read my mind.

Now that I've read everyone else’s posts, I think we are all of the same mind on this.

GF, take heed.

UVA,

I'm stunned after all the wise advice and support GF's been given that he is allowing this. He's basically asking for it now IMVHO.

Its simple fundamentals that if he breaks the law, he'll go to jail. Then all his efforts towards custody of DD are dashed. He is trusting someone who is not trustworthy, but moreover, someone who is out to destroy him to further her own interest.

Sadly, just like so many BS, he's sure his cheating wife is different and sincere.

He still has not taught his wife he deserves respect, and until that happens she will continue to disrespect and manipulate him.

I guess he has to learn for himself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Jo

Unfortunately, you are right.