Am I understanding this correctly? Your wife is dictating to you thru your attroney that you have to go to counseling before she will rescend the PO?

You were not violent. Doesn't you going to counseling insisted on by your WW for the PO to be dropped, in of itself imply you are unstable and deserved a PO???

How will the court look at this during child custody time?

Those are good questions, and I've asked my lawyer the same thing...I'm awaiting her response.

I'm confused. How does refusing to discuss the details of divorce with your WW keep you from speaking to your DD? Are you worried that WW is going to punish you if you fail to cooperate with her plan?

You realize that if she refuses to allow you to have contact with your daughter she's handing you evidence that you may use against her in a custody dispute, don't you? This is a rope that she hangs HERSELF with. When you document EVERY TIME you have difficulty seeing/speaking with your child....that eventually bites WW on the butt.

Meanwhile, when you cooperate with her affair fantasy you give it momentum. She begins to see that you can indeed be manipulated into giving her what she wants. Rather than clarifying her choices, you allow them to remain murky because you are FEEDING them.

In the end, she can't have you *and* OM. You're not going to live out the entirety of your life sharing your wife with other men. And IF you end up divorced, you're not going to be her best ole' buddy, following complacently along as she dictates terms. She needs to know that. So, everything you say and do needs to reinforce that boundary. So, as you "chip away" ala Steve Harley....you chip away at her WS fantasy too. Carrot and stick just a nibble at a time.

When you refer her to your attorney regarding legal matters, you're reinforcing the boundary. You're showing strength...so she begins to slowly acknowledge that she's not going to be able to manipulate you so easily.

Right now, you're in the path of an eighteen-wheeler that's about to run you down at full tilt. So, you throw some obstacles in her path and slow her down....even if it's just a little at a time. Referring her to your lawyer on legal issues SLOWS HER DOWN.

After she's dropped the PO, you can probably start talking to her again using your "guarded Plan A". But while the PO is in place, I honestly think you're hurting your case if you give her ANYTHING that she wants, including conversation. She has seized control and is reaping the benefits without any repercussions at all.

In regards to forwarding her emails....I definately would NOT do that. I had to wonder, same as you did, if her friend wasn't retrieving them for WW. It just seemed weird that the friend would call you out of the blue like that. And the fact that it even occurred to you the friend might be in cahoots.... Well, that's enough of a red flag for me.

I wouldn't talk to ANY of her friends or family until after custody has been settled.

I wasn't suggesting that.

And it wasn't about making a point - it was about keeping you out of further legal trouble.

Perhaps I'm missing something.

I'm suggesting you not have ANY conversations with your wife until the Order is lifted other than emergencies concerning your daughter. Speaking or spending time with your daughter is another matter. If you have to briefly go through your wife to speak to your daughter or your wife has to briefly go through you to hand off the phone to your daughrter, that seems to be not engaging in "conversation" to me. I'm sugesting you avoid the "conversations" - not the hand offs. Is this doable?

If you'd prefer, I'll stop suggesting things.

WAT

Post deleted by Cherished

NOOOOO I value your input greatly, please don't stop! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

When I read your statement stating that I should not speak to WW unless it was an emergency regarding DD, I took that as you were suggesting that I not even talk about plans to see DD.

Thanks for the words of confidence Cherished, they are much needed.

The problem is that my WW is not claiming any domestic abuse...she thinks I'm a "bomb waiting to go off"...and so she is using the PO as a preventative measure, rather than a reactive one.

Nooooooooooo, not at all.

I'll try to be more clear in the future. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Believe me when I say I can identify with the yearing you feel to be the best Dad you can be. This is currently your most important job, IMHO, despite the impediments placed in your path.

WAT

Interesting your wife thinks that considering her and OM are JUST FRIENDS.

I mean, they only slept in bed together, no sex. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

A WS's best defense is a vicious offense.

Kinda ironic, though, when you think about it. Experiencing the emotional rape of infidelity probably represents the most likely cause if someone's bomb is gonna go off, huh?

WAT

Seems to me, someone is projecting HER guilt.

Yea, and after that emotional rape, I have not verbally or physically abused her...no bomb going off...thanks in a big part to MB and all of you!

Well I'm picking DD up from day care today and I'll have her until Sunday...WW says she has to work, but I think something else is going on...I talked to another neighbor, and he's gonna watch the house for me...he's going to let me know if WW has any "visitors" while DD is with me.

I know I can trust this guy...he knows the pain that I'm feeling; his girlfriend of 7 years just left him.

It's good to have a bud to commiserate with.

But you know what?

Why don't you try to focus on your daughter this weekend. Make it special for just you two and try not to worry about what the aliens are doing. Aliens will be aliens. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If you're agonizing about your wife's activities, your daughter gets short changed and will sense you're preoccupied. She may think SHE'S the cause of your anxiety.

Yea, I know it isn't easy. Just try, OK?

WAT

Ohh I agree...I'm not going to worry about it...neighbor is just gonna fill me in later if he sees anything.

It's pretty easy to just have fun with DD...especially at the fair (where I'm taking her tomorrow), she LOVES rollercoasters. Last time we went to a fair she got down right pissed because they wouldn't let her on the really big rollercoaster!

Ha!

Rollercoasters.

How appropriate!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
WAT

Ok, so now I'm getting phone calls from guys on my cell phone asking for WW...no luck with reverse lookup though.

I know someone in your area that has a new video cam that needs to try it out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jo - My area? Or GF's?

Tell me when to smile! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

GF's area. Just a hop, skip and a bridge away.