***just say "It was soiled beyond repair."***

. . . and stank so bad the neighbor's dog was puking.

Mulan (just tryin' to help)

Of course. I stated above, as far as I know, in most states, you are represented by counsel at Mediation. If not in the State of Washington, then I would not recommend Mediation process. I'm fairly certain his attorney would not have led him to seek it if she was not to get $$$$ for it...so I safely presume he WILL be represented.


GF's wife is not that smart. WS's RARELY are. If she were smart she'd have filed for divorce BEFORE getting busted. She'd have remained low key, cleaned GF out, go him to move to Virginia, etc. She is now a Wayward idiot. Having OM in town last weekend was just another mistake she made (it would have been compounded had she exposed DD to OM, regretable, but better for the GF in the long run). Further, she testified at the RO hearing she did not fear GF, that he was not abusive (or something like that). She played cards she didn't have to and could have really lied about, but didn't. Now she's painted herself in a corner and SHE is oblivious. She's NOT that intelligent right now. In fact...COUNT ON IT. The sooner you get her into court, in mediation or before a court pyschologist the better. Deposed her sooner than later. The more she speaks and states her position(s) on the record the DEEPER her hole becomes. She is FOGGED out and STUPID right now. She see's NOTHING wrong with her behavior and is stepping into a huge TRAP. LET HER FALL and FAIL.

Let me be clear...this is NOT vindication (it should not feel good or be enjoyable)...it is done with the hope that some semblence of decency appears within her. We have seen it here again and again...Pain equals change. When the dust clears we may see a repentent wife. I don't like the things I've seen from Mrs. GF so far but stranger things have happened here. The marriage may be savable yet, IF GF still retains that notion.

As far as the effect she has on GF. He's hopefully learned a lot in the last few weeks. His eyes are open. He's made errrors and will likely make more. We all did back then. Heck, I lurked instead of posting. IMO, GF's got the cajones to do this. He will NOT let himself or his daughter down. He will prove to himself, his wife and DD that when things got tough...GF was there, kicking and fighting for what was and is right. I believe in you GF. Whatever happens, YOU will make it, with integrity.

Fight on,

Mr. Wondering

Thanks for the kind words Mr. W. You are exactly right, the book that you got me pounds it in "go for mediation!!!"

I let WW think that it was her idea, but in reality that is what I wanted.

I made a huge mistake by letting her know that I knew he was out here this weekend. I found out, then not 20 seconds later she called...I had no time to prepare!

I know that's an excuse, but that's what happened.

My WW is very intelligent...she's making stupid mistakes because she is over confident.

I highly doubt she will change, so I resolve myself to following the "plan"...be nice to get back in the house. Collect evidence, and win custody.

And she's FOGGED out...And she underestimates you...which is key...

IT'S ALWAYS BEST TO BE UNDERESTIMATED...

Think Columbo...or Matlock... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But seriously, I think that you will prevail here GF, just keep it slow and steady...you certainly have my vote of confidence!

And Jo, thank you for the "wonderful" compliment <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> ...those feelings are mutual! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Mrs. W

I prefer MacGyver!

Nice to hear from the W's again! It's been a while! (at least it seems so to me! I find myself relying on thier words to help me get through the days!)

Awww...We're here for ya GF...We've just been in Florida for about a week...We were reading, just didn't post much...if we'd have seen you plummeting towards diaster we'd have piped up, HONEST!!! You've been in very capable hands here...Remember, if you feel you need us, you can always email us...or put out a shout here or, well, you know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />...Seriously...Anytime...Just Gotta Sleep Right Now Though(EST ya know)-LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />...Nite!

Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Gosh, GF, I knew it was so but I was so hoping that we were all wrong and that he wouldn't have been here this weekend.

She is something else. In your bed no less.

I'm sorry!

So here's an email I was gonna send to OM's ex-gf. She's the one that forwarded me his flight itinerary, and another confirmation from when he had flowers sent to her work.

"ex-gf,

I'm glad that you are keeping [your dd] from him. He's obviously a very sick individual if he has no qualms about contributing to the destruction of a family.

Sure we had problems before, but she never talked about separation or divorce before she met him. She wasn't a completely absent mother before she met him. You know how much time she spent talking to DD this weekend...(remember we're less than 15 miles apart, no time zone excuse)...less than 5 minutes total in 5 days. Pretty sad huh?

He needs to know that she is a liar. He should understand that if she is willing to do this to her husband of 7 years, and daughter of 5 years, she will have no problem using him and then throwing him aside like a rag.

In an email she sent to him, she said that I took $4200 from our account...lie. In another email, she said I claimed to be sorry, cleaned all my stuff out of our bathroom and moved into the spare bedroom....another lie. She told him that her mom helped pay for the cruise they are planning next year...another lie. From my conversation with you, I gather that she told him that she's filed for divorce 3 times...another lie.

She is a liar, and she will keep lying to him and everyone that cares about her.

Unfortunately, he's not going to believe you or me about it...he is addicted to her. He thinks that she's the greatest thing since sliced bread, and would never hurt him. I know because I've been there.

He needs a wake up call, [ex-gf]. The people he cares about need to know what he is doing. He needs to feel pressure from those people that can influence him. He needs to know that they do not approve of his actions or the pain he and WW are causing DD.

That's the only way he's going to start to realize his part in all of this. You told me that you want their relationship to end. I do too. Right now I can't really see us ever being happy and trusting each other again, but for Emme's sake (not mine); WW's relationship with OM needs to end."

Good? Not good?

GF,
Demonstrate that she is a liar by giving facts. Don't say something is a lie (remember that this info is hopefully going to OM, who will dismiss you as the liar) instead give him factual examples he can chew on and think about. Do you see what I'm getting at? If you talked to MIL and she denied paying for the cruise, say so. You want to keep your perspective out of this as much as possible, nothin' but the facts man....
I think its a good idea to keep in contact with ex Om's GF, but only if you can not become too emotional and remain rational. Also, you have to keep in mind her perspective, which is mostly vindictive since she is not trying to recover the relationship.

Right...I can send proof, but I've been warned against it by my lawyer.

I'm a very facts based person. I like to have facts and show facts, unfortunately, I can't in this case because it could come back to hurt me when we get into custody hearings.

GF,

You don't have to provide the evidence, you just need to state the points in a positive fashion. Tell them you know for a fact that MIL was not paying for the cruise, as an example. Let ex-gf draw her own conclusions about your WW character.

xring

I don't know how the attorneys on MB feel, but I would be very hesitant to give the ex-girlfriend too much information at this time. Frankly, you don't know her. GF, if you don't assume the ex-girlfriend is passing everything you tell her on to the OM, I think you're taking a heck of a chance. If she isn't, fine. If she is, you're giving away the playbook to the OM and your WW. Those two are your enemy right now and this is a matter of security. You can't afford to give them an insight into your and your attorney's strategy. Be careful what you tell this ex-girlfriend, okay?

She already has...WW and ex-gf have been friends for four years. It was a trip on a trip that WW took to visit ex-gf where WW met OM. It wasn't until WW and OM became a thing that ex-gf figured out what type of person WW is, but now she knows (like I do) that my wife is a habitual liar.

I'm starting to view ex-gf as a valuable ally, but you think I'm jumping the gun here?

G_F,

Yes, you are jumping the gun. You need to get through the legal stuff first. Then you can help OM's ex-GF. Your job is at home.

God Bless,

JL

ok, your right. I'll wait until after the temporary orders are in place.

For now I'll just say something like "Thanks for all the info, and I too think thier relationship should end. I know right now you are the only one sharing info, but I simply can't risk giving away any of my info until after our trial date next Monday."

Also, tomorrow we meet with the mediator/counselor (she plays both roles, she a certified social worker that specializes in cases involving children) for the first time. Right now it's just the three of us, but a friend said that I should have my lawyer present.

I was thinking that it would just be a counceling session so WW can see that I'm in control of my emotions, and she's in no danger. I would refuse to sign anything or agree to any terms in regards to custody and/or divorce, without my laywer present.

Though WW is always welcome to sign the LS paper work uncontested!

I would leave out this part entirely, "but I simply can't risk giving away any of my info until after our trial date next Monday.". You don't have to qualify it to her.


Are you asking if you should have your attorney present for this first mediation?

Jo

Yes...I'm wondering how my friends here feel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just called Mr. Wondering since you were "wondering" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />...he'll be here to weigh in his "counsel" momentarily GF...

Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Well I emailed the mediator and this is her resonse:

Mr. GF,
There isn't a need for attorneys tomorrow; we won't be negotiating anything. The appointment is still tentative because I have not yet spoken with your wife. I'll let you know the status by the end of the day.

Thank you,