Ok so here's the email I sent to my lawyer...it's a short synopsis of what happened today. Things have potential, but it's gonna be a while before I have a real sense of how things are going to work out:

We had the appointment today. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that we made much head way. We spent alot of time talking about what had happened, and what it was that made WW uncomfortable around me.

We also discussed what we want to happen. WW said that she wants us to live in the same house and co-parent Emme until one of us is ready to move on. I said that I can't do that and just pretend that our seven year marriage didn't exist.

It seems to me that she is just wanting to continue on her relationship with OM, while keeping me at home to take care of DD, and not alienate me completely in-case her and OM's relationship doesn't work out. I didn't say that, but that's how I'm feeling.

I said that after WW's actions this weekend, I've been trying to distance myself from my feelings for her. I told them that I still think it is in DD's best interest for us to work through our problems and provide her with a solid family.

Based on our responses and how the session went today, she wants to have another meeting with us before we start any real negotiations.

Mediator also feels that it is not right for me to continue to be forced out of the home, but that we are not ready to be under the same roof, so she proposed that we work out a plan on sharing the house and custody of DD for the time being until we are ready to co-habitate.

We have another appt. scheduled with her tomorrow at 1:30.



Ohh I also brought up my concerns about being able to trust WW. I said that we had been having good conversations the weekend before last, but her actions this weekend showed that I still can't trust her to keep her word...

"I am having trust issues, and am concerned that I will commit myself to this course of action (mediation), just to get blind sided with another protection order, or some other court order"

Ohh, If mediation doesn't work out, this lady has no impact on custody or divorce procedings. Our conversations with her are completely confidential.

She also explained some recent changes in how our state works with parenting evaluators. Now it's up to the family law judge to decide if you get one, and how long they are allowed to interview you, your spouse, and your child.

Huge limitations on that now too! This is BS I hate this state.

GF...

How candid was your WW wife with the mediator about the affair? Did the mediator have anything at all to say about the affair or the effects of infidelity on your DD? What criteria does the mediator use to determine if the two of you are "ready to live under the same roof"? What type of house/custody sharing does she have in mind? When is the PO hearing? Any idea what tomorrow's session will be about?

Sorry about all the questions...just trying to gain some understanding...I know that you are too...

Mrs. W

I know it would be uncomfortable for you but you know WW will rely on you to do 90% of the parenting, you'll get to continue documenting it and you'll get to protect your daughter from the WW nearly 100% of the time. A sharing arrangement is totally unacceptable...get in the house and co-parent, put your feelings aside. I think if you want PRIMARY custody the best avenue is to be at home under the same roof. This is about YOU and daugher, OM and WW are irrelevant. Plus, you'll put pressure of the affairees by being there. Let her hide in a closet and talk to OM, at least she's not doing it in front of daughter.

I highly recommend you change tacts tomorrow and change your mind.

It not the worst thing possible though. Mortarman had a temporary order granting 4 successive days to each parent. It still worked out OK cause his wife HAD to give up many of her days to "other" priorities whereas he never gave up "his days". He documented, from afar, much of WW's activities and had the distance from WW to remain emotionally detached. The 4/4 day exchange also insured that his wife did not just have a weekend babysitter so she could continue her affair unimpeded. I'm betting tomorrow, after speaking to her attorney she may prefer the sharing arrangement cause it gives her more freedom so even if you backtrack you may be stuck with this initial proposal. It can work to your benefit and give you some emotional peace. Still think being at home as a family, albeit warped and fragile, is the better alternative for you.



Are you sure this applies in Mediation?. You won't have a family law judge, you'll have a mediation panel. I am hoping it is another thing to add to the list of the BENEFITS of doing mediation for you. The mediators will listen and decide all the issues about getting a parent evaluator. Much better than a Judge with limited time and attention span.

W

Mr. W, I understand your stance. And I agree, but to be frank, I'm not sure that I can do it. I really don't think I can handle continuing to see WW talking to OM on the phone for hours at a time...at least if we're apart I don't have to see or hear it. I'm going to digest everything that was said tonight and see how I feel tomorrow when we walk in there again.

To be honest, I was really nervous because I had no idea how I was going to feel being in the same room and talking with WW. It actually wasn't half bad, especially since I got to hear her side of the story, and how she has manipulated it to make herself not look too bad.

OHH I almost forgot! She said "I want him to be careful about what he says around DD, I don't want to be the bad person when it comes to the family breaking up...I don't mind being the bad person when it comes to our marriage breaking up...because I am." HALFWAY THERE!!! She at least is admitting it's her fault we are breaking up...now she needs to admit that it's her actions that are hurting DD.

About the GAL and mediation...I don't know any specifics, all I know now is what she said, and what my lawyer said in an email yesterday about having a GAL is not very good because they don't have/take the time to do a real evaluation.

I'm going to try to find out more and have already emailed SIS, to get his take on it.

A suggestion:

It is VERY reasonable to request that WW just not talk to OM in the house or in front of daughter (as well as a restriction on contact with OM).

If she would agree to just that could you co-habitate?

It's likely a reasonable and doable request. It won't be that hard for WW and it will likely be favorable to her cause her life will be a lot easier than having to be the sole parent 4 days a week. She can go back to her job and affair and YOU will be better situated to win Primary custody, end the affair (regardless of divorce you want them OVER), gather intelligence, and protect your DD. I guessing you know what HER vote would be don't you?.

If I can share a home with a WW, then you can too. Your daughter NEEDS you. Like I said, detach from WW and her shenanigans. They are irrelevant right now. The final prize is "primary" custody, occupancy of the marital home, a fair property settlement, alimony and then a possible chance at reconciliation if you want it...IN THAT ORDER.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

W

Fogic Logic at it's finest...I would have to ask, what's the difference in breaking up our marriage and breaking up our family? The WS twisted answer to this would have to be comical...I wonder what she would like you to tell your daughter? I also wonder how should would answer this...When is it ever right to have an affair?

Also, an emotional affair? Uh huh, I don't think I get it...What planet is a single man from when he will fly across the country to spend the weekend sharing emotions with a married woman? I was truly unaware that such a creature existed...wait, I once took a trip myself to WS Fantasy Land, and I do seem to have a vague recollection of the existence of such a mythical species...hang on, it's coming to me...ah...hmmm...Oh, I remember now, there was no such creature...that was a fog lie that I told Mr. W myself long ago...grrr...I hate that I was ever part of such a wacked out immoral sleezy shannonigan(yes, GF, I used and mispelled that word intentionally)...

I know that it would be hard to live in the same house with her, but what if I put it to you this way...

Could you live with your WW if your daughter's well being depended on it?


Because, GF, it does, it really and truly does...I could tell you some real horror stories about how I interacted with my own DD when I was in my affair-those memories bring tears to my eyes-I was a monster...I'm not sure you realize just how detrimental your WW is to your DD right now...please believe me, it would be horrifying to you if you could understand how unfit she is right now...


Further, your living with WW sheds more reality on the affair...and IF you should decide that you might want to Plan A...part of Plan A is busting up the affair, and that's what reality does to affairs...and Plan A is also about meeting ENs of the WS...much easier to do under the same roof...

The BIGGEST and MOST IMPORTANT CONCERN is your DD, her WELFARE and CUSTODY are at stake...Man Up GF, you CAN do this! Look your DD in the eye and then you come back and tell me that you can't take it...YES YOU CAN!!! You are much stronger than you might think...

Mrs. W

Yes, I don't think it would be so bad if I don't have to hear or see anything that has to do with OM. The only sticking point is that I know he's been in my home...that makes me sick.

When we were talking civilly when the PO was first put in place I told her that no talking to/about OM in my presence is going to be one of my very firm boundries.

Like I said earlier, I'm going to take the night to mull it over, but I agree, I think it is a reasonable proposition and if she accepts, I'll push to have us live together again.

If she honors the agreement...cool! If not...another check against her.

Can you say this sentence GF?

"DD5, I would really like to protect you and give you what you deserve, but it just makes me sick to do that right now, so you'll be okay without me."

If you can say that, then okay...The GF that I've come to know wouldn't be able to...can you?

That sounds harsh GF, but I like and care about you you enough to tell you the truth...and that IS the truth, like it or not...

Mrs. W

GF:

"Like I said earlier, I'm going to take the night to mull it over, but I agree, I think it is a reasonable proposition and if she accepts, I'll push to have us live together again."

And if she doesn't accept?

I don't have young kids (my son is now 19), so my take on this should be with a grain of halite (that's salt):

If she doesn't accept and you're kept out of the house for an extended period of time... ...why not proceed with the LS or the DV filing, sell the house, and make a new home for you and your DD when you have her (which will likely be more often than the custody decision winds up dictating because of your WW's "need" 2 have her time with OM). Then, after your W ends her A and agrees 2 a plan 2 recover the M, invite her 2 join you 2.

Stay in a remote plan A for a while, but consider plan B if this goes on long.

-ol' 2long

Ok, well WW just called. She is not happy with the idea of us being under the same roof. She wants us to see the mediator a few more times before she wants that to happen.

Whatever...I'm ok with that, what I'm not ok with is that she said she would drop the PO after we saw the mediator today, and she called me to ask me "So what's up with the PO?"

How the ****** can I answer that question? She's the one that filed the damn thing!

Stupidity pisses me off almost as much as lying.

What did she mean by that 2uestion?

Does she expect you 2 be able 2 do something about it?

Sounds like she needs to go find someplace else to live then. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

She is unbelievable! Can't have HER be unhappy ... BOOO HOOO. I wonder how'd she'd have felt being in your shoes, legally ousted out for no reason whatsoever, with very little notice and no place to go.

You don't have to get frustrated GF, I'll do it for ya. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Wait, don't you have to go before the judge and she decides whether or not the PO stands? Good grief, I just can't believe that all the power lies in the hands of a fogged out WW!!! I know what happened last time, but it *SEEMS* like the judge would have to listen to at least some argument from your atty...What does your attorney have to say regarding the PO?

I'm frustrated right along with Jo for you on this GF...ARGH x Infinity!!!!!

Mrs. W

GF,

As soon as that RO is lifted or nullified you really have to move home otherwise you're stuck outside the home for good and WW calls the shots from there on in. Absent a court order to the contrary, you MUST pack your bags, use your key and move back home. If she calls the cops on you again, shame on her, you document it, fight it and hopefully prevail. You can't control what she does, you can only TRY to protect yourself and your daughter.

Additionally, remember today was only a discussion and lecture for future agreements. It was not and is NOT binding. Don't let the system eat you up...move home if the PPO is dropped or nullified and negotiate from there. Further, today's discussion was akin to a settlement conference, it was/is confidential and inadmissable. As such, you are NOT demonstrating bad faith or anything by moving back in ASAP the order is dropped. Heck, do it when she's at work to avoid a confrontation (still think you should carry a digital recorder in your pocket to protect yourself).

Finally, you must do this REGARDLESS of what WW and OM do. Let her talk on the phone all she wants. Give her complete latitude to dig her own legal grave. In fact, the more she does the better your chances in court and you'll be there to see it, journal it, document it, etc..

This is it for me hammering you. YOU CAN DO THIS. She's a drug addict, she's NOT your wife right now...ignore it and keep your eye on the prize.

W

GF, have you got voice activated recorders ready to install when you get home near phones and/or places where your WW will call OM? How about a keylogger? They may not be useable in court, but they can darn sure give you an insight into what she's doing and planing.

wanted to add:

Don't talk to WW outside of a formal setting about anything related to custody or negotiations. In fact, in these meetings with this woman tomorrow keep your cards close to the vest. Play niave and don't tip your hand.

DON'T tell her you can and will move home when the order is dropped, just do it.

For example, she played all reasonable with the lady today (i.e.- the she doesn't mind if you move home crud was likely a ploy setting YOU up to play the heavy. She didn't really want you there, but SHE likely knew it wasn't binding and took the opportunity to portray herself the "reasonable" and rational one. Just a few hours later on the phone, she has a change of heart. She is playing you. You must play smarter.)

Additionally, no more MB documents for the wife to see. I recommended showing it or discussing it with the woman counselor. She is going to figure out you are getting help from somewhere and eventually might hunt you down on the internet. I wonder if I could google you already and end up on this thread. It's not a stretch. Protect your heavy assets with your life.

When's that appointment with Dr. Harley?

W


If your attorney disagrees with me have her call me to discuss it.

Longhorn,

GF's brilliant lawyer has advised against it as it is apparently unlawful to do any survellance in the State of Washington.

Sleepless in Seattle...what did you do and what's your take on Washington survellance laws????????????

I still say do it but don't get caught and research the law to determine what you actually CAN do. I can't see how it would be illegal to carry a recorder in your own pocket to tape your own conversations. How do you investigative reporters operate out there anyway? Silly, left coasters. lol

W