If the "abused" is not there, the PO is automatically canceled. Since the hearing is at 1:30, and our meeting with the mediator is at 1:30 it's going to be really hard for her to keep the PO, and be at the mediator at the same time! My lawyer has emailed WW's lawyer and is asking for confermation that no one will be at the court house tomorrow.

I still vehemently disagree. There is NO BINDING mediation and negotiating taking place. Your WW is merely making demands from a superior position and she will maintain that position for as long as she can. She is NOT going to accept less than 50-50 custody. She is not going to "AGREE" to allow you back home. She is NOT going to be really reasonable. It just won't be feasible to her that she should accept less than 50-50. She thinks, in her fogged out head, that 50-50 is the most reasonable position in the world. She thinks she's entitled to primary. You just ain't gonna change her wayward mind. So what's to negotiate. In addition, your bottom line is "primary" custody. She gets every other weekend, a weeknight or two, and alternating holidays. That's your "reasonable" position and it's a BIG step down from WW should be instituitionalized and restrained from contact with daughter 100% of the time UNTIL she ends her affair.

Thus, I still say, move home AND show up for mediation and you'll still be fulfilling your attorneys desire to "show that GF is willing to work through mediation" but you'll be "mediating/negotiating" on a level playing field. Again, nothing you stated today should be used against you...you aren't painted into a corner just cause YOU negotiated today. It's inadmissable and irrelevant. You just went home when the court lifted or cancelled the restraining order.

(Addtionally, if the order gets lifted at a hearing be sure to advise your attorney NOT to voluntarily stay out of your home...she just may do this, WW's attorney may ask for it, while you guys "negotiate"...advise your council that that is unacceptable. Either you are RESTRAINED or you are NOT. Period. If WW's attorney asks the court to keep the order in place for just another week or two because you two are currently in negotiations or settlement discussions your attorney must object...they can't use the fact you went to negotiate against you.)

I understand your attorney's thinking completely. It's likely how I "would have" advised you before MB. Just go through the motions, trust the system...it's fair, it will all work out. But it is not fair. You already have seen "fairness" haven't you. You may even lose the Restraining Order hearing, is that fair...no.

Further, by NOT going home you are indicating you are OK with WW being with daughter, that you think DD is safe and secure with her, that she is NOT being harmed and essentially that your wife is currently a fit and able parent. She is not. Do you know how many WS's have car accidents during their affairs? Tons. My beloved wife totalled her car and got 3 traffic tickets within 3 months after not having a single ticket since her teenage years. Your wife's brain is OVERWHELMED with thoughts, emotions, strategies and OM. Your DD is not her priority, it's all about saving face, selfishness and maintaining her addiction. Your daughter is in a dangerous place right now and you must tell your lawyer that you respect her advice but that you HAVE to go home for your daughters sake immediately upon having such right. Work out the minimal consequences later...but, get home.

Mediators and judges are people. What person would deny you or hold against you the mere fact that when allowed...you went home? I surmise it's whats expected of you and they may consider you a fool for doing otherwise. It's your bed. It's your refrigerator, etc. Use your key and go home. BTW, if she changed the locks, break a window and enter anyway..it's your house. I'd prefer it if you could sneak in without breaking anything and merely unlocking the door. That way you just say it was unlocked and avoiding the term "breaking in" being used against you. But, it's still your home. Your name is on the deed. You can't be held accountable for breaking into your own home.

Again, if wife calls the cops and has you removed unjustifiably again...we/you can't control that. I don't need to tell you to avoid any fighting or arguing and giving her any justification for calling the cops on you. If she does it anyway, it only makes HER look worse in the long run. You control you and do EVERYTHING within your legal right to protect your daughter.

Instead of asking your lawyer whether you should or not, try asking when you are free to go home legally. Ultimately, it's your life and she works for you.

Please sleep on it. I'd also love to hear Brit/Brat's, MM's, UVA's and anyone else's take on this. I very much believe I am right, but I don't want ALL the responsibility. This is my take on things but I am certainly not delusional enough to fail to conceive of being mistaken. Some of this stuff IS a crapshoot and all options can backfire. I just think you're better off home.

Mr. W

p.s.- sorry, please understand that my passion is really heartfelt concern for you and your family. This weekend you really need to re-read your thread from the beginning. You may be in a better state of mind to take in some of the information you may have glossed over originally. You may also see how far your thinking has processed. There are likely many nuggets of information which you can apply as I feel somethings are being repeated to you often.

Mr. W, I understand your stance. And I agree, but to be frank, I'm not sure that I can do it. I really don't think I can handle continuing to see WW talking to OM on the phone for hours at a time...

Oh, and FWIW, my divorce decree specifically says that neither one of us can have a member of the opposite sex who is not related by blood or marriage stay under the same roof overnight if our DS is present.

I'm with Mr. W all the way and am looking forward to his assessment of BB's concern just above.

My final post last night (excert):
.
"...She may try to deny the entire conversation while her lawyer goes to court and ajourns the protective order for another week or two (essentially keeping the temp order in place and you OUT). Don't get angry...she's baiting and manipulating you. However, your attorney should either be there at the 1:30 protective order hearing with the directions I posted above to oppose it in full OR have a written faxed release of the Protection Order in hand. You can not trust them and neither should she. If you have to be there, skip the conference, call with car trouble and be in court. The meeting can be rescheduled and it's voluntary. The court IS way more important...." - Mr. W

I'll also state this with trepidation. I don't want to say this cause I don't want you to say anything about it to WW just yet. This is one of those legal things you save, locked away in your brain until a binding hearing or deposition. But, in most states you may be entitled to a final custody order which precludes/restrains your WW from exposing your DD to OM. Ask your attorney, but I know some states, unless they get married, can keep the OP away for up to 1 year after the final divorce decree is entered. For now, you have her agreement and it will look bad for her if she does it. You have that security. But, after depositions, parent evaluators and the like, you may file a temporary restraing order versus OM which may likely be granted awaiting the final custody and/or divorce decree. Then the decree will handle thereafter. Just something to salivate over.

Mr. W