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Good Father,
Your dad's reaction is sadly typical. Everyone immediately thinks any type of exposure is counterintuitive.
Its not. It works and I've seen it on MB too many times to count.
Jo
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Resilient:
Agreed, his dad's reaction is typical. But (<deleted parenthetic comment, because it alluded 2 something I didn't end up saying!>), his last comments have some chilling merit, I think:
"If the affair ends, do you really think her actions will stop ? You're kidding yourself. WW is bad for you and DD. You need to follow through with the divorce."
2pled with what GF himself said about how their relationship started (that he may have unknowingly been the OM if she hadn't broken off with her xBF before they hooked up).
I hope I'm wrong, but she sounds more like one of those 'broken moral compass' people 2 me, all the time.
Perhaps like Gramn's WW.
-ol' 2long
Last edited by 2long; 05/04/06 03:47 PM.
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Ok, well the letter needs to be sent, correct?
How does it look. Should I change anything? I want to get this going, I don't want to sit back and just whine anymore.
Annonymous? If/when WW sees it, I just say yes I sent it.
Sign my name? Hope that the company takes it seriously?
Me/BS = 28
WW =33
DD = 5
Found out about EA/PA = 4/07/06
WW moved to Virginia to be with OM = 8/21/06
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Don't sign your name 2 it if your experts (like BB, Mr Wondering) are telling you not 2.
Basically, don't do it because *I* said 2, because *I* am a geologist, not a lawyer or marriage coach!
-ol' 2long
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his last comments have some chilling merit, I think:
"If the affair ends, do you really think her actions will stop ? You're kidding yourself. WW is bad for you and DD. You need to follow through with the divorce."
2pled with what GF himself said about how their relationship started (that he may have unknowingly been the OM if she hadn't broken off with her xBF before they hooked up).
I hope I'm wrong, but she sounds more like one of those 'broken moral compass' people 2 me, all the time.
Perhaps like Gramn's WW.
-ol' 2long So if that is the case (up above) then Good Father, and ONLY Good Father, needs to decide if he wants to still save his marriage. And if not, what will be his NEW Plan? Right now, we've all been supporting him in saving it. Plan A with exposure. Jo
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Can someone's broken moral compass be fixed?
Everything my dad has said has truth in it. I'd like to think we can save our marriage, but what if my WW can't be fixed?
Me/BS = 28
WW =33
DD = 5
Found out about EA/PA = 4/07/06
WW moved to Virginia to be with OM = 8/21/06
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I just had a scary thought! I send this letter off, then he gets fired, so they decide for him to move out here!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That would be really bad!
Me/BS = 28
WW =33
DD = 5
Found out about EA/PA = 4/07/06
WW moved to Virginia to be with OM = 8/21/06
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GF:
I'm very sorry if what I said was hurtful.
We talk about broken compasses and flawed character from time 2 time on this forum.
The truth? None of us really knows whether there's anything 2 it or not.
Regardless of whether your M can or should be saved, the MB methods will preserve your sanity and make you a better H 2 someone - hopefully your WW.
Personally, I think you're doing famously!
-ol' 2long
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I just had a scary thought! I send this letter off, then he gets fired, so they decide for him to move out here!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That would be really bad! And not impossible. Do you think it's more than vaguely possible? In any case, one "risk" of trying 2 end a WS' A is that you'll "push" them 2gether. This seems "bad", but is probably the best thing that could happen, as reality can set in faster that way (they'll have 2 change each others' diapers). -ol' 2long
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Personally, I think you're doing famously!
-ol' 2long I think he is too, 2Long. I also think its so wonderful that people like you are here helping him. Jo
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My dad has calmed down a bit...but he is really concerned that the letter will be grounds for a law suit against me. What do you all think?
Even if it is annonymous, it won't take a rocket scientist to figure out it came from me.
Me/BS = 28
WW =33
DD = 5
Found out about EA/PA = 4/07/06
WW moved to Virginia to be with OM = 8/21/06
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What is known, specifically, about the OM's employer's HR dept's position on affairs?
The answer 2 that 2uestion should bear heavily on the path taken.
Wasn't it a Boeing top executive who was fired last year for having an A with a married man or woman?
-ol' 2long Yes, it was, but I remember correctly, the woman he was having the A with was a subordinate, in which case it would have an impact on the workplace and was probably a violation of their Harassment Policy. Regards, BB
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A lawsuit based on what, GF? "I found out about and adultery an employee of yours is engaged in and I think you should know about it." I sincerely doubt that's actionable in any state in this grand union. It's in the arena of whistle blowing, for Pete's sake.
Since everyone is going to know it was you sending the "anonymous" letter, tell me again why you're doing that?
If you're up front in that letter you'll score points with everyone in authority back there. Heck, tell them right in the first paragraph your intent is to solicite their assistance in breaking up the affair. Tell them you know they have a company to run, but if they can help you save a little six-year-old girl's family from being ripped apart by one of their employees (using the company's resources), you think it's a win-win proposition for everyone concerned.
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A lawsuit based on what, GF? Slander. I'm not sure if I will score big points for stating up front that I'm her husband and want to break up the affair. It would probably just appear that I'm trying to get my WW's lover in trouble. It's WW and OM that aren't going to have too hard a time figuring out where it came from. But by the time they know about it, the company will have already started it investigation (I hope). That's just my logic...is it flawed anyone?
Me/BS = 28
WW =33
DD = 5
Found out about EA/PA = 4/07/06
WW moved to Virginia to be with OM = 8/21/06
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I just had a scary thought! I send this letter off, then he gets fired, so they decide for him to move out here!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That would be really bad! Truly, a very real possibility - something to be factored into your decision. Couldn't you just hear them now..."Oh, this is fate's way of saying we belong together..." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> BB
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If you tell the truth, it ain't slander.
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GF: When my W and RM got wind that someone ratted on their A at my W's work (after my W quit), they spent weeks 2nd-guessing who might have done it. I saw emails where they speculated that it was me (at the time, I was relieved it wasn't, but it SHOULD HAVE BEEN me). My W would have been pissder than she was about it (2rned out 2 be her friend and coworker, who my W, herself, had told about the A after I found out) if it'd been me, but I firmly believe (now) that we'd be a lot farther along in recovery if it had been me. That was nearly 3 years ago, now. Truth isn't slanderable. It isn't rumors that bother people, per se; it's TRUE rumors! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> -ol' 2long
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Right...truth isn't slander, but what's to stop him from filing suit anyway?
I emailed my attorney to let her know what I'm doing and why.
As soon as she tells me that there is not some huge consequence of my sending it, off it goes!
I'm nervous, but I really feel I need to DO SOMETHING, and I'm putting my faith in everyone here that it's the right thing to do. It just doesn't make sense to me anymore to just wait and see what happens. I just need to make sure I don't jepordize my chances of winning custody.
Me/BS = 28
WW =33
DD = 5
Found out about EA/PA = 4/07/06
WW moved to Virginia to be with OM = 8/21/06
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What did BB say?
Did she and Mr W concur?
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Well I emailed my lawyer and she said this:
GF, Do Not send out the emails or contact his family. You will be thrown from the house and anther restraining order slapped against you by both your wife and OM. If this is about your daughter, then focus on what you need to do to remain in her life.
Me/BS = 28
WW =33
DD = 5
Found out about EA/PA = 4/07/06
WW moved to Virginia to be with OM = 8/21/06
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