Good edit, MM!!

(I never thought of that, myself).

GF:

Some great discussion going on here. I think you're doing great, but here's some additional thoughts:

*If you're going 2 expose against your lawyer's advice, consider doing it with the added backing of another session with SH. Bring him up 2 date and ask him what you should do, given your lawyer's warning (I'm sure he's heard that many times). Graycloud's xW even tried 2 use gc's thread on MB against him in court! (which is ridiculous because none of US would have agreed 2 allow it - and we don't give up copyright 2 our material by posting them 2 a public forum, did you know that?).

*If you're going 2 expose, consider a simple, straight-forward exposure letter that's just matter-of-fact, just makes people aware that there's an A and that you're sole objective is in saving your M. Like from SYMC:

"My spouse is involved in an affair with <name>. I love her very much and want to do whatever I can to heal our marriage and keep our family together. This relationship is coming between us and making it impossible to address issues in our marriage. Please encourage <name> to do the right thing and end the affair with my W.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]"

*I've been following this story for a while now, and am wondering if it might play out like Happiness_Within's WW's A did. She met her OM through online gaming, threatened 2 take her sons from Washington state with her 2 Michigan 2 live with the OM with her. But when she couldn't do that, she abandoned her sons and went 2 Michigan anyway. Just one possible outcome here 2 consider, that hasn't been talked about much.

-ol' 2long

Continuing to say a prayer for you GF and your family and wishing you continued recovery, growth, healing and full restoration as you go forward. Looks like you got some real strongarms coming to your aide. Godspeed, on this long and challenging journey.

I am not sure I agree with Mr. W and Mortarman here. Given the advice of his lawyer, GF should expose IF AND ONLY IF a lawyer (SIS’s lawyer?) can more or less guarantee that he will be able to return to his own home should WW decides to play hardball and have him kicked out of the house again. His WW, as she has amply demonstrated play for keeps. She will lie, do whatever to get her way. And given the ease she got a PO against GF, she can easily get PO slap on him again. And she may very likely do.

If WW slaps a PO on GF again and have him leave the house, she may for good measure decides not to let him move back in this time. To say otherwise is in the final analysis a conjecture. Yes, she wants GF to babysit DD but her heart may harden by exposure of OM and go for GF’s throat this time. Normally, I don’t care how a WW acts, but if as in here she can keep the WS out of the home, I am more hesitant in pushing her to the edge. For if GF is NOT AT HIS HOUSE FOR 4 MONTHS, until the custody hearing occurs in August, I do not care how much he documents his time with DD and of WW’s actions, he will not get custody. He will have a hard time convincing a court to change DD’s living arrangement that she has been accustomed to FOR 4 MONTHS.

Thus, GF should not run the risk of getting kicked out again unless he is reasonably sure that WW cannot keep him out of his house if she decides to do so.

It does not follow from this that GF should be a doormat as regards to WW. I hate when people act like a doormats, so this is not my point. My point is that one should not try to win a battle if it may cause one the war. Everything here hinges on the advice of a lawyer in Seattle, other than GF’s current lawyer.

One thing I would say though, I believe that GF should get a new lawyer. His current lawyer does not seem feisty or knowledgeable enough for me.

God Bless.

EXCELLENT!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well, just got home from a long day at work. WW called about 10 times, but I just kept hitting the ignore button.

Finally she called three times in rapid succession without leaving a message, so I thought it might actually be important, so I answered.

ww: why haven't you been answering your phone?

me: because I told you the other day, I don't want to talk to you while you are off having your affair with OM.

ww: so is that what is going on at home too? Is that why your mom isn't answering the phone so I can talk to DD?

me: no.

ww: so what's going on then? I want to talk to DD.

me: well it's one of two things. Either they are out side with the neighbors, because we made plans for the kids to play together; or DD doesn't want to talk to you.

ww: what? doesn't want to talk to me?

me: right, when the phone rings, we tell her that it's you calling and ask her if she wants to talk to you. She's been saying no.

ww: How does that work!?! What are you saying!?!

me: when the phone rings I say "Ohh DD, that's mommy calling! Do you want to talk to her!?" DD answers "no", and so we don't answer.

ww: Ohh.

me: bye.

BWHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

geeze she's hard-headed

Make sure you journal that entire conversation for your attorney, and characterize all incoming calls from her, whether answered or not by your mom or you.

Believe me when I tell you, once you hung up your WW began whining to OM that you, and your mom, are turning DD against her. A conspiracy if you will.

OM is probably responding by fueling this obsurdity by advising she consult with her attorney regarding you conspiring against her using DD and to use it in the custody battle.

Be prepared and not blindsided.

Jo

Pretty sad. She's been so absent spending every waking moment with OM, eventually it will be "Mommie Who?"

What a friggin addict.

Also, try this next time:

me: because I told you the other day, I don't want to talk to you while you are participating in this ADULTERESS AFFAIR.

Ok, well I've made a mistake.


As I've told you all before, WW and I met online playing cards and had a long distance relationship over the phone for about 7 months before she came down to live with me.

Well she had kept a journal for the last month before she came to visit...the last entry is on my 21st birthday, on her flight down.

I searched the whole house looking for it...finally found it in her sock drawer. My plan was to read it and figure out what it was that she saw in me back then. The plan failed, all it did was renew all of my old feelings for her. Now all I can think about is begging her to come home and be with me.

I feel so incredibly lonely. I want the love of my life back so badly it hurts!

GF,

You're mourning the loss of your wife. I know how you feel.

But please don't fool yourself into thinking she is the same person. Her loyalty and allegiance is with the OM right now.

Everytime you start thinking sentimentally about her, remind yourself of the day she had you legally removed from your home and your daughter. She didn't blink an eye.

Don't loose sight of your plan, keep vigilent for your daughter. Everythings at stake. You and you alone are her protector.

Jo

Well I still haven't heard from SIS lawyer. Though WW did confide in me that OM is thinking about moving. I do not like the sound of that.

I asked where, and she said "He has a couple of ideas. Like closer to his family."

Geez I hope that's the case, I guess his family is in Florida. I don't think things would be very pretty if he moved out to Washington.

But, her comment does add some validation to my concerns about exposing to his work. If he's already thinking about leaving, my exposure might just push him over the edge.

I am going to postpone the work exposure, but I do still plan on the family exposure. His work may not be permanent, but his family is!

Ok....SIS lawyer called me back. She felt very strongly that I should NOT expose to OMs work.

She said that in our family law system here, it would do far more harm than good.

She also said that it sounds like we are on the right track as far as the mediation is concerned.

I agree that we are on the right track with mediation if the end goal is a divorce...but it's not.

I think right now I'm going to have to continue to plan A, and drag out the mediation for as long as possible (6 months) and give the A time to die.

I hate to not expose, I was really looking forward to causing OM some grief and making the A less fun for them, but I can't do it at the expense of my legal position in regards to DD.

Have you changed attorney's to SIS's?

No. I can't afford another retainer. She did give me the OK to call her as needed when I feel I need a second opinion though.

One other thing I remember happened during my experience. When the subject of the adultery came up with a 19 year old, the Seattle commisioner (precursor to judge) threatened to sanction anyone who brought up the relationship againl Keep in mind that adultery is not illegal, just immoral. They cannot use the adultery on its own to determine custody issues I guess. Now having said that, when I appealed to an actual judge, she was NOT pleased with WW's behavior. The Parenting evaluator was also not pleased with her behavior.

I haven't seen in your thread where a parenting evaluator has been called for because your WW is obviously exhibiting some behavior that your DD should not model. You do NOT want DD to get the idea that your WW's behavior is acceptable.

I'm concerned you've gone to mediation so quickly. I did agree you should speak with SH regarding a revised game plan. He's expensive but may save money later.

Priority 1. Protect your daughter from harmful behavior.
Priority 2. Save your marriage.

As Gimble would say. It's time for you to grow a set and be your DD's hero.

NO ONE likes an adulterer. Even the liberal courts in WA!

Remember Plan A is only for a short amount of time. Then you move to Plan B. If she wants this guy so much and is willing to abandon her daughter to go party with him in Vegas, she's not a fit mother, and shouldn't have custody. A GOOD parenting evaluator will see that.

Hmmm. Father likes to spend time with DD and take her to events. He puts her first and has no serious other problems.

Mother leaves daughter with husband to meet her lover in Vegas for nooky...and thinks that's OK...

Survey says: Mother not in touch with reality, and potentially harmful to DD.

Next!

You could expose to his family under the pretense that you're concerned for your daughter's well being, and you don't know anything about him, but you're concerned about any man that would break up a family by having an affair with a married woman. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Sleepless <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

There should be a warning at the state line to all prospective new residents that betrayed spouses can't get a fair shake. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Well we are par for the course! Guess who just emailed me and low and behold.....is not coming home when they are supposed to!

I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count!

Apparently there was a shooting at a police station near OM's house, and traffic is backed up and they didn't leave in time to get to the airport.

My first reaction was "Yea right"....but CNN does report two officers being shot at the police station in Chantily, which is less than ten miles from Dulles Airport. And WW told me the other day that OMs new place is only like 10 minutes away from the airport.

Sooo, the story is almost believable...except for the shooting happened at 3:30 ET, and she sent me the email at 6:30 ET...should I really believe that traffic has been backed up for 3 hours? And why didn't they leave earlier then?

Half truths...never really know when she's lying or not.

We already know she is Pinnochio's sister. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

But what I find interesting, is you now have a pretty good idea what City OM lives in. GO NET-DETECTIVE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />