Last night WW was going over the bills. She's stressing out big time because now we're in a position where we have to pick and choose which bills to pay.

She asked me to put her wedding band for sale on the internet. I told her no.

She got pissed so she emailed her lawyer and wants him to file for a court order to sell the house.

Problem is, we'll loose half of the equity in the house in just the cost of selling it (MLS, realtor, etc.) The other half would only take care of about 40% of our debt, so we'd still be in massive debt, AND would have to pay rent and utilities on two places...brilliant she is.

Plus it would force us to move DD out of a good neighborhood, and away from a brand new school that is going to be ready for her to go to for 1st grade.

She's delusional.

Anyway, that's the update from last night.

First step in reducing debt is keeping it from getting bigger. Stopping the outflow.

Stop spending.

I'll bet she's been spending a lot, huh? Who's paying for that trip to Va.?

Did you set any spending boundaries?

WAT

She spends her own money. I spend mine. She keeps a spreadsheet of the bills. She pays the bills, and I pay her a percentage of the total.

It's just really tough on her because she can't use the credit cards, and she doesn't have full access to my pay anymore.

She's said several times "It sure was a lot easier when all the money went to one account." I just reply "yea it was."

She can spend all she wants. It's her money. I just pay my portion of the "pre-separation" bills.

She plans on going to VA ever other weekend, OM is paying for every other trip, so basically WW is paying for a trip to VA every four weeks.

If things get worse for her financially...ohh well. She knows it's her fault, she can deal with it or not, up to her.

Ohh, something OM did last night that I would have been killed for:

Apparently OM's dog is very old and sick. WW loves that dog, and OM is having to decide if he should put her down or not.

So, he emailed WW last night while we were watching TV and said that he didn't call because he didn't want to disturb her, but he's just signed the paperwork to put the dog down.

WW gets up out of her chair and is all frantic she started to freak out, found the phone and immediately called him.

Turns out that OM was just joking around with her, and just wanted to get a rise out of her...what a jerk.

Dogs are the only creatures on this planet that WW cares for more than herself.

Of course she spent most of the rest of the night on the phone with him, and everything was hunky dorey afterwords, but if I had done that....she would have served my head on a silver platter...to OUR dogs!

start documentation that YOU are taking care of the dogs

get as much evidence as you can so you end up with doggie custody too

Pep

Yea, like how she forgot to pick them up yesterday from the Kennel after our trip to her mom's place?

uh-huh

GF:

That was the alien's reaction.

OM's a real piece of... ...work, isn't he?

Someday she'll realize that... ...hope it still matters when she does.

-ol' 2long

From what you have told me your wife has VERY expensive taste, the best of everthing for her. And when you two shared a joint income she was afforded her every little wish.

Now that she has buried you both in cc debt, and you two are legally separated where she can no longer use your income to fund her every whim, she's found herself in bankruptcy-ready-to-happen. Bit of reality kicking in I'd say.

DO NOT BAIL HER OUT, GF. It would be a doormat-ish thing to do.

Jo

Also, sounds like it's time for a WW budget:

1. No more lunches and dinners out
2. No more shopping for expensive clothing and shoes to impress OM on trips
3. No more shopping for jewelry
4. No more pedicures and manicures
5. No more tanning salon
6. No more presents for OM
7. No more land-line all day/night long distance phone calls to OM
8. No more plastic surgeries

This list is just for starters ....

A big ditto.

Over and over we see that one of the very few things WSs respond to are adverse consequences resulting from their own actions. Oh, they'll still blame the BS, of course. But in time, the ones capable of regaining their integrity will recognize the villain in the mirror.

JMHO

WAT

Well there was no more talk about selling the house last night. She was almost pleasant. Yesterday I emailed her and outlined exactly why it was a bad idea, and I didn't hear anything more about it again.

We had planned on watching the latest episode of 24 that I had recorded, but she said that she had to call and say goodnight to OM real quick.

After 30 minutes, I went and told her that I'm starting the show.

I think she starting to see that I'm done waiting for hours for her. I did do the plan A thing though and started it over when she came in.

GF - I think that's being too accomodating.

I mean, really.

How do you keep from just slapping her?

"Don't start the show dear while I go phone boink OM, K?"

Sheese.

Next time, start the show whenever you're ready. If she misses something too bad.

In other words, Plan A doesn't mean you ki$$ her butt in the face of this abuse.

WAT

My sentiments exactly. I was just too chicken to say so!
Mulan (bwawk)

ABUSE: "but she said that she had to call and say goodnight to OM real quick."

BS in PLAN A Response: "Talking to the man you're having an illicit affair with is very hurtful to me. I strongly prefer you not do so."

Ok. I thought I was doing good by starting without her!

restarting the video instead of letting her miss it is definitely not "negotiating the end of the A" part of plan A.



I once had a geology professor who'd lec2re on field trips whether anyone was able 2 keep up with him climbing the hills or no (he was in great physical shape).

Try doing what WAT suggested, and let her restart the video AFTER you're done watching if she really wants 2 see it. Be pleasant.

Heck, do what my geology professor did. Be nice 2 her, do things for her and talk 2 her even if she's not there 2 notice. Then, someday, if she's interested in seeing you do/say those nice things, she'll set aside her "other interest" and make time for you.

-ol' 2long

Well you were. We're saying you shouldn't have waited THAT long.

You're a good man GF. We don't like you getting this abuse.

WAT

I repeat again for everyone on here...

let us remove the word "affair" from our lexicon. it sounds so quaint and innocent. Different way of saying this?

"Talking to the man you're committing adultery with is very hurtful to me. I strongly prefer you not do so."

Sorry for the interruption!

In His arms.

I second that motion, MM. "Affair" makes it seem so pretty. It's really obscene, slimy, and sordid. Let's quit trying making it something it's not.