Leave out the prohibition against MIL visiting with DD. It will look bad in court. You can make sure that DD isnt around her for now...but just dont say it in an email.

The rest of the email is okay!

In His arms.

Okay GF. Here is my take:

SHort and sweet.

I am very disappointed that you withheld the truth from me regarding WW’s visit last weekend. I trusted you to support DD and our family. Especially when it was me that pushed WW to re-establish her relationship with you. It is me that is the father of your grand-child, and the husband to your daughter. I trusted you and loved you like family. And you’ve betrayed that trust.


DD is learning lessons here that she shouldn’t be. What is she learning? It’s ok to lie. It’s ok to lie to your family. It’s ok to cheat. It’s ok to give up because you’re not happy. It’s ok to abandon your child so you can commit Adultery every weekend.

Destroying a family is not right. WHEN is Adultery okay? It really HURTS us that you are enabling this behaviour and hurting DD with your choice to support WWs adultery.

I also get to answer fun questions like “Why doesn’t mommy love you?” “Why does mommy always leave?”

I can’t tell her the truth…I can’t say “Mommy doesn’t love me, and she leaves all the time because she likes to be with OM more than us.” Unlike WW and you, I have a really difficult time lying to my family.<<<<< Don’t say this! It sounds like you are lying!

I need to protect DD from the people that are enabling the destruction of her family. And how can I do that when you are helptin that destruction?

ditto Jo.

Even when in-laws initially "side" with BSs, they will change their spots to whomever is "winning" the current conflict. Seen it over and over and over here. Their goal is ultimately to stay in good graces with their blood. If they sense the BS is winning, they'll stay your ally - I guess thinking that good relations with the blood can eventually be restored. But if the wind shifts, they'll zig zag again.

So, I recommend you not send that message. However, I do agree with MM that you should somehow communicate your awareness of their betrayal of you.

WAT
------------------
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

WAT makes a good point. the idea here is NOT to win over MIL. It is to continue to put pressure on the affair! So, in the scenario WAT stated about "winning," by you sending the modified email that FightingAlone stated above, you will let your MIL know that you are alive and very much kicking. And that you intend to fight for your marriage, for your daughter, and for her daughter. While you cannot expect overt support from that, what you will begin to do is increase the discord between MIL and your WW concerning this.

When a daughter looks into her mother's eyes and sees disapproval, it goes to the core of who your WW is. even if no words are spoken, they know the deal.

And it is that look and that issue that will cause discontent in the happy Fogland! Added to the fact that your WW will continue to knwo that you are damn serious!

Charlie Mike! (For you civilians, Charlie Mike is short for CM...which means Continue the Mission.

In His arms.

GF,

I agree with MM. Send the note minus the part about restricting MIL’s access to DD. For those words can and will be used against you in a court of law.

I think it’s important to make it clear to MIL how you feel and where you stand on this issue. Your e-mail does a good job of that. Regardless of what WW says and what MIL may think at first, your e-mail will make MIL less enthusiastic about supporting WW’s A, even though she most likely will continue to do so.

Btw, your WW keeps pissing me off. I hope you intend to Plan B her *ss after the custody hearing in August.

God Bless.

That very well could be where the aliens on the Mothership deposited her brains.

At least this would bring meaning to, "She can't find her brains with both hands."

WAT

WAT,

Vous avez raison!

So WW receives an email from OM where he forwarded your email to him. And then she's angry.

Hmmmm, I think you're right. You've punched a hole in things a bit.

We all know she's been lying to him about so much. Likely she's told him you're tickled she's got a boyfriend because afterall, you and she are just friends and no longer really married.

Now that OM has read your email, seems things aren't adding up and your WW had to do damage control (aka more lies).

Kinda my thought process. Lets hope we're right.

Well they were on the phone for a long time again last night. She's still planning on going out there for the long weekend...but I didn't expect a miracle, just planting the seeds of doubt.

She asked me "so when was the last time you read my email or looked through my phone?"

me: April 7th

ww: so you just remember everything?

me: yes...reading that email was the most painful thing I've ever done in my life; it's burned into my memory.

ww: so you just remembered OM's email address from over a month ago?

me: ...


It obviously had an impact...I'm wondering if maybe I should send him another email pointing out some more of her lies...even eluding to the idea that we've had SF (that would be a lie, but it would probably piss him off)

Or should I just let things be and continue to be the lighthouse?

Oh she thought it was pretty funny that I sent the email to OM the same day that I sent her the Plan A email...she said "yea right, like you've changed"

me: I have

ww: how?

me: I'm no longer going to just roll over and play dead while I watch my family be torn apart.

So that's the update. WW promised DD that they would do facials tonight; we'll see if she actually comes home in time to spend time with DD...I'm doubtful.

Hey MM...she's going to be flying into Dulles later this week, you up for some recon?

If you choose to send examples of more lies to OM, just send truth. Don't make up stuff. The truth is fair game.

JMHO

WAT

Well she's off to OM's place again today. I was hoping to hear from MortarMan to see if he wanted to do some airport recon, but he's probably busy enough already!

She's leaving today and won't be back until Monday...but with her track record, she'll be back on Tuesday or Wed.

I told her I don't want her to go, and she just said "Why would you say that?" I replied "Because it's the truth."

GF:

That was PERFECT. Exactly what you should have said.

Each time you do that, you plant a seed. It may take a long time for it 2 germinate, but when the A starts 2 go sour (and they always do), your W will remember your kindness under pressure.

-ol' 2long

You've got quite the saga going GF! Sounds like you're on the right track. If she's flying Alaska to Dulles, I could get her luggage lost <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I've just read the last two weeks, and here is what I would suggest based on my experience with WA law. The court focuses on the welfare of the child. Who is the primary caregiver, etc. The money isn't the big issue. You'll want to collect evidence/affidavits of your involvement with DD. Pictures of the ballet. Who takes her to school/daycare, etc. Keep the login records. What tipped the scales in my favor was the fact that my WW could not put her children's welfare before her own. That is, your WW is willing to put her family into debt to satisfy her conjugal visits and puts her DD at financial risk. You've asked her repeatedly to think about her daughter, yet she does nothing but satisfy her own craving. Her behavior is like any other addict trying to get a fix. She willfully abandon's her daughter to get her cake. She'll want both, but a Guardian ad Litem or Parenting Evaluator will see her behavior as it is. Especially with her brain on the Mother Ship! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> The pictures in BC with the OM will be terrific evidence of her "abandoning" her daughter. Keep a journal of what you do with DD when WW is off boinking.

I propose that you think pessimistically about the outcome. Assume there will be a custody battle and you will need to protect your daughter from WW. This also helps separate you emotionally from this woman who is NOT your wife. Not a woman you promised to Love and Cherish until death. This being has replaced your wife. If you detach your emotions from her, you are better in control.

Sounds like the E-Mail caused a rift. If she's not rational, maybe he is a little more rational, and doesn't want any part of her after awhile. Maybe you help her put on a little weight and see how he treats her then.

Flying cross country is not going to get any cheaper in the next few months. The DC flights are getting WAY full and she'll be paying a bunch of money to make the trip soon. Alaska is also going to stop flying to Dulles in the next month, and will remove one flight a day between SEA and the DC area. She'll really be maxing out the debt soon.

I missed if you filed a legal separation to also separate her debt from yours. That will also help if the divorce comes.

One more thought about Plan A for 6 months. The only reason I would recommend it is to build evidence of your desire to care for DD. If you can, I would almost suggest you take DD to a counselor to help her with the issues she's facing with mommy's behavior. While the counselor would not testify directly in court, the Parenting Evaluator can interview the counselor for her report. You add another witness to your side. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Protect your daughter first. Save the marriage next.

Hang in there dude! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Good Father,

How are things?

Jo

I vote a big YES!

GF tells me she's still shopping for expensive clothing for her trips to see OM, regardless of the looming heavy debt she's incurred. I say grab her luggage and send it to China for a few months. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Jo

Hey, sorry all I've started going to college again...I'm not going to allow WW's betrayal ruin the rest of my future.

I'm very busy now working, schooling, single dading! I'm feeling pretty good actually, thanks for asking Jo. I think it's a combination of the ADs kicking in, and her not being here for the last week.

It's wierd, I can now tell when OM is around when we talk on the phone. If he's not around, she almost talks like my wife...but if he's around she just asks to talk to DD and then hangs up after...won't talk to me at all.

But ohh well. Right now I just wish I could afford to maintain our home with just me and DD, and find a way to get WW out of our lives....we are so much happier right now without her.

Maybe she'll come back...maybe she won't. I don't know, all I do know is that I need to prepare myself to be misserable again tomorrow, because she'll be home.

Wish me luck!

Ok, at least she is predictable...she's not coming home today. Called first thing this morning to tell me.

DD was actually happy, because now we get another day to hang out just the two of us <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Good Father,

When she returns, please do not pass up any opportunities where there is HARD evidence (pics, etc.) that proves she was on Holiday with OM.

As SIS wrote, you need that kind of thing to help with your custody battle.

Consider it a mission to save your daughter.

Jo