I think that was a healthy thing to do. Why shouldn't you see the person who is destroying your family? Congratulations on your self control.

Thanks Believer. I was worried ya'll would think I was a weirdo stalker-like person.

She was actually really pretty, but definitely looked the 10 years older than she is. And nothing like me. Our body-types are the opposite. She has one of those bodies that are naturally lean and rather shapeless=--very tall. I am more of a struggle with ten-twenty pounds here and there kinda girl with a decent figure and about 5'6". Her hair was long and brown and her face was elegant-looking. She looked normal. That was the eerie part.

No, I don't think you are a stalker, and I think it was your right to see this woman.

I think I would mention to WH that you are glad you got to see her, that it made you feel so much better, because SHE IS SO OLLLLLDDDDDDDDD. He won't like it, but what do you have to lose?

I second that. It's a positive thing to 'face your demon'. And it shows strength of character that you could do it without loss of control.

I have to admit though, if the OW left skidmarks in her drawers wondering if you were there to make a scene.....that doesn't hurt my feelings a bit! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If WH wants to know why, tell him you were getting "closure" just seeing what all the fuss was about.

After you've used the word "closure", it's time to start honking-on with those boundaries. This guy needs to move over and make some room. You're 'behind the wheel' steering your life now, and you don't need a backseat driver who hasn't got a clue where he's going telling you where to turn. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am so impressed with your self control, what you DID say will probably eat at her for awhile. Good for you!!

You are so brave, intexas! I am so impressed that you were able to hold it to OK, thanks. Such a strong, brave woman you are. I think you did much better than I would have done. Can you just imagine what she and WH had to talk about after that?

Our situations are similar in that our WHs have older OWs, but different b/c my WH's OW was my friend, so I know what she's like.

I think if given the opportunity, I would show excellent self control. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I would be able to control exactly where I ripped his arm off and precisely where on his head I would beat him with it.

Good on ya, Mate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am so stinkin' mad right now at WH or whatever I am supposed to call him. He came to see the kids. Ben had been waiting all day for this. he came an hour late and stayed for barely over an hour. (I was out at the front desk trying to update the house's website). During that barely an hour visit, I was called in there to change the baby and Oliver since he had an accident as well. His excuse for not doing it himself--you changed so much around here I don't know where anything is. I live in a small place, people. I am attached to my job in an apartment. Trust me, it;s not big.

He cried everytime I was in there. UGH! My Ben was so upset. I told WH if he was gonna cry the whole time, then it's best he not come. He ahs seen them SO LITTLE the last month, and Ben was really needing to see Daddy, but not like this. He again said it was hard on "him." Honestly, this "him" infatuation has gotta stop soon.

Mind you I did not stay around them during this visit, but somehow in the few minutes I was in there and between tears, he managed to yell at me for not having any pictures of him up in the house anymore. He's been gone since last summer. I finally took them down. I kept one in the boy's room, though.

I was tough, though. I was stronger around him. I kept thinking tha he did this all to himself. All of it. Nothing i did or didn't do could have changed this. I didn't let him talk down to me, even though he tried. I informed him he did not own me, etc. I did it nicely, though.

I just want to SCREAM he is such a mess. Such a mess. I am moving on slowly but surely, and it is eating him alive.

I am not enjoying seeing him suffer. Sometimes I think it is all an act-those tears. And they are all about him anyway, they are not tears for what he has done or lost, but rather "oh woe is WH" tears. And that's a big difference.

Just ranting here again tonight. Thanks for listening (or reading).

Well, right now he is just feeling sorry for himself. That may change. It doesn't sound like he is doing all that great. GOOD!!!!!!

Got this among many e-mails today.

I am tired of this. I am trying to maintain civility as I have all along, but i think I am just gonna burst at some point.

here is what it said:


URRRRR! We never fought or argued in a way they would have known. NEVER. This is all a bunch of junk meant to alleviate his conscience.

It is sickeing to me. Truly sickening. hem going to church, etc. Him "missing" his boys--leaving me to save them from our horrible life? Seperation inevitable?

I'm with sadmommy on this one. HOW can they give it all up and then blame you? How can they not be sorry and not choose their family? I understand a bit about having an affair, but how can they choose OP over you for the long-haul? And how am I supposed to tolerate her being with my children?

Sorry, feeling a little rejected and alone again. And a bit overwhelmed about the future. House is not selling and no one has called me back for an interview for teaching yet. And my current angel of a boss <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> is hitting me hard again with her fear-installing behavior.

Just needed to vent to people who understand. Thanks for letting me.

I think you may need to go to Plan B soon. Your WH sounds just like mine - constantly feeling sorry for himself. It gets OLD after awhile.

If you went to Plan B, you wouldn't have to listen to it.

Well, I've beaten that horse down since I no longer want to be a part of something where I know I am not wanted. I do want to sometime send a letter that shows my boundaries I expect post-divorce, but plan B is not in my future for the purpose it was intended.

I just hate feeling so unwanted. I really thought deep down he'd fight for me and stand by me, but he's chosen the road that leads to her and making her and himslef happy at all costs.

But thanks, B, for always responding to my posts.

What's going on at work?

My boss is one of those people who have never faced tragedy of any sorts and had everything fed to them with a silver spoon. SO since this has happened, she hates that I get any kind of attention. Hates that people are nice to me, etc. Hates that I didn;t tell her sooner that he left me (I didn;t because I truly thought he'd come back), didn't tell her first I was pregnant, etc.
So, she has made things hard for me. Given me extra work. Big projects, when all I am really here to do is be here for the families and be on call.

She recently got onto me for not keeping the boys under control Even though we live here and they were in their own house playing, she said they were too loud. She got onto me today for not seeing her in the security cameras and seeing she needed help carrying items in. She tells me to put my job before the kids--that it has to come first. It's constant living on edge around her, always afraid she will blow up at me, etc.
She was never this way before, but now she is. And now is when I really need this job and he benefits of it. If I lose this one, there goes my paycheck, my residence, utilites, etc. It's a unique job and I love it actually, I just can't handle her very well. She is the director, so there is no one over her head excpet the board, and they all only see her fake side. We see the true side. And sh's been her 16 years. I have been here six years this month, and i always thought I was doing a good job.

Maybe you can ask her help with something. It sounds like she is kind of controlling, and those types usually want some kind of affirmation.

Hmm...i don't know. She hates that people help me at all.

Example--we have volunteers that come here all the time. I am close to a few of them, as I have been here six years. One of them came every evening the weekI was due to have the baby to help me out so I could take it easy. Another helped watch the boys one day. Another gave me a monetary gift and she found out.

So she tell me--"I am tired of seeing people accomadate you. You need to care of you and this house and its responsibilities. It's not my fault he left you."

See, that is what I am dealing with. SO I am afraid to ask her help in anything. I always offer help. Always go above and beyond. Am even in charge of revamping and maintaining the website for the charity.

I kiss up, now too. Which is not natural for me at all. I am very real and very sincere. So it goes against what I am, but I have to to keep the job.

She is also a very overweight woman, and I have been working very hard to lose weight and get back in shape. She always comments to me how she'd rather have the donut, etc. And if someone compliments me in front of her, she will roll her eyes and walk away.

I am the same age as her children, so maybe that is part of it.

Well, she sure doesn't sound too pleasant to me. Maybe she is jealous.

Just do the best you can, and continue taking the higher road.

Just checking in on my thread, too.

I had a very nice mom's day. Didn't here from WH ([censored]) at all. And it was sooooooo nice. Very peaceful.

Sad though, because today baby Elliot (he's 4 months now, can you believe it?) got dedicated at church today, and I was all by myself admist the other 4 COUPLES dedicating their babies.

But you know what?

I was okay. Me and the boys stood up there and I was so proud of my handsome crew. So proud. Even though Ollie danced the whole time and did "round a' rounds" while his shirt came unbuttoned, and Ben kept talking to me, I wouldn't have changed the moment.

Yes, it was sad because the family we should have been was no longer intact up there with the rest of the fams. But, it's gonna be okay.

The show must go on. And I want those three guys to be stars one day.

After church, I went out with another family to lunch, and came home in time for a quick clean of the house and off to work. A good day. A really good day.

I wasn't supposed to have the boys until this a.m., but [censored] had me get them last night.

Seems OW and her family are at odds over her choosing the "loser" who left his family and pregnant wife. (those words are quoted from what [censored] told me!) Too bad OW'sparents didn't get so upset till now. So, [censored] wanted to go comfort OW, and since he had the kids, he was getting really aggravated with them and yelling (i heard this on the phone) so when he asked me to come get them, I agreed. They don't need that. And they don't need to hear him talking to her all night.

Getting really tired, so I am gonna call it a night. Happy mom's day to all of you.

Hi, intexas. Good for you for getting up there with your boys for the dedication. You are a strong woman and a great mom... don't ever forget that! Your boys are so lucky to have a mom like you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I myself have been too chicken to get DD baptized yet b/c of the ongoing divorce drama. So many uncertainties... would WH or his family show up? Would I be doing it alone? Would they be annoyed b/c I'm Lutheran and we do infant baptism and they're Southern Baptist? I just don't know. And so, I keep putting it off. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Haha. She'll probably unload him fairly soon. The fantasy is starting to tarnish.