Laura,
Please follow up with Ark's post on Plan A. Also, please read my thread "Somebody talk me down...call him". My H sounds a lot like you WH. He is dealing with the natural fallout of his choices. Remember, the A is not about you. It is about them and they are the ones who will have to choose to end it. You, in plan A, make the affair as uncomfortable as possible (exposure), and make the marriage as appealing as possible. It's not fair, it doesn't make sense to sensible people but you are not dealing with a sensible person. You are dealing with a WH in deep fog. These "aliens" don't act, think or speak normally. You can't expect them to react normally to reason or rationality.
This is my mantra that I visualize everyday. BTW, thanks to ARK for the inspiration.
I am the lighthouse. I stand looking out over the ocean that is covered in thick, dense fog. My H (the man I love) is lost in that fog in a tiny boat. If I go out in another tiny boat to find him and bring him home, I will most likely not find him and can very easily become lost in the fog myself. But, if I stand STILL, STRONG, STEADY, and CONFIDENT with God's love and grace shining brightly from me out into the fog...My H has the chance and the choice to see the light and turn toward it and find his own way home. Or he can choose to turn away and be lost. However, I remain a lighthouse, regardless of his choice.
That is plan A to me. Making our marriage a safe, warm, forgiving, worthwhile place for my H to choose. But, it is his choice. Your choice is to welcome your H (not WH) back with love and forgiveness or to move on without him.
Please be strong and remember that your H needs to be accountable, by choice, to you. Pushing that without his agreement and understanding will push him away.
Everyone, feel free to augment my opinion on this one.
Loni
