FWW moved out the day after DDay, split all our finances and was gone for almost six months.
We are at 2+ years recovery.
I echo, “Don't move out.”
But, in the interest of full disclosure, I also admit not being around FWW for that first while saved my sanity for when I really needed it later.
With prayers,
Thanks for the replies. I wouldn't move out voluntarily, but realistically if she wanted me to go badly enough I would have little choice.
I'm in the home for now and we're talking about the future which makes me feel really good. Who knows what the next hour will bring. Right now I'm full of hope and will try to hang onto that. A few hours ago I thought all was lost.
We see the MC tomorrow. We even laughed a little bit at how we both think he's kind of a doofus. Anything we can do together is fine with me.
I wish I could talk to anyone considering having an affair and convince them how bad a choice it is. It seems so obvious now. What the ****** was I thinking?
A lot has happened since I posted this. We've have a few rough spots but my wife has been incredibly patient and loving under the circumstances. I know a few weeks isn't very long but I was beginning to think that we were different. That we could beat the odds and recover without months or years of anguish. Time to get realistic. I was and still am prepared to talk about the A and answer all of my wife's questions honestly, but apparently I still need work in that area.
At issue, and what seems to have completely derailed all progress to this point, is a receipt for a greeting card that wasn't voluntarily disclosed. That could be it. A 2.50 card could be what tips the balance between reconcilitation or not.
A hard lesson in radical honesty (or lack thereof). If you're going to do it, rack your brains for every detail. If you withhold any facts or details and they come to light than everything starts over. In fact it's worse. Now she doesn't believe anything I've told her.
It's hard to believe it's only been a month since I posted. It feels like much longer.
I think we're doing better but every day is a struggle. My wife has been going through a particularly rough stretch for the past few days wrestling with the same obsessive thoughts and feelings that began on d-day (3/19). I obsess as well, not on the A but on our marriage and what I've done to it and where to go from here. I lurk here every day.
I'm trying to be stronger in the face of her pain and despair and coming to terms with the fact that whatever the future holds for us I've done some irreparable damage. Our relationship will never be the same. Yet we can strive for something new that will be good and strong and bring us happiness. I think she believes the same but it's obviously more difficult for her. Her committment waivers. I know that sometimes she feels she would be better off if I didn't care and just left her or if I just didn't exist. I hate that I've made her feel that way.
We see a MC and that has been helpful. I feel like he's been good at helping us build a stronger relationship but not specifically at recovering from the trauma caused by my A. It would have been great to have done this before I went down that path (if only...).
Our communication is getting better. We talk about the A daily to some extent, even if the talks often end in anger and tears. I'm trying to be more open and articulate my feelings and thoughts that allowed this to happen. It's hard because now I don't feel like the same person that did this. I can describe my thoughts at the time but they sound absolutely ludicrous to me now. She doesn't understand that and neither do I. Anyone have thoughts on this?
It feels like we're just starting to get to the real work.
