It's kinda funny how a whole board of people are close minded and you know it all...

We all just want to help sfjaj - but you really want to do this your way...

sfjaj...How is posting advice to others helping YOU with YOUR situation? How is it helping to right YOUR wrongs? How is YOUR marriage improving because of this type of involvement here? How are YOU changing? How is any of this helping YOUR husband with his pain? Pain that YOU caused, based solely on YOUR SELFISH CHOICE to have an A...doesn't matter what the condition of the marriage was before...the A was still YOUR SELFISH CHOICE...Your husband had NO say in that CHOICE, YOU did NOT consult him...What is YOUR payoff in going head to head with others here?

I already know the answers to those questions...the real question is, do YOU?

Mrs. W


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

love this Mrs W

Mrs. W., I see recovery as a continuum...so ALL have advice to offer. Just as "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic" but they mentor each other, I believe I have advice to offer. You, ML and others are STILL in recovery, whether you believe it or not so we all offer advice. You have your opinions, I have mine. Let's ignore one another rather than attacking one another

Oh man, this was the funniest thing I have read in a long time.

Mel bitter? Oh lordy girl, she is anything but.

She might spend too much money, and be loyal to a fault, and spend too much time helping others when she could be laying around eating bonbons...

but bitter she is not.

Too funny sfjaj.

Someday you are going to be a staunch supporter of MB and be an asset to this site and to others, I can tell because of your fiestiness but you got Mel pegged all wrong.

well, then, if ML isn't bitter, I'd hate to see her bad days....your post reducrd me to giggles.

that's okay, I enjoy it. I find her extremely humorous

But here we go: Habiba, I am going to begin another thread where we can talk since other "helpers" have hijacked this thread

Thank you Pep, that's very nice to hear from someone that I respect in the way that I do you... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As you know, I had to learn this particular lesson the hard way here, as well... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> *sigh*

I am so grateful to have been shown the path that my own stubbornness and selfishness was creating for me and everyone around me...I love God, my husband and this place so much...

The lack of owning your mistakes and not humbling yourself only inflicts more pain on the BS, and more pain for them is just downright cruel...THAT is SICK...

The very same selfishness and stubbornness that allows a WS to choose an A to try and escape from the *misery* of their *reality* will ultimately lead them to even more *misery*...because of the *reality* that they create for themselves with, what else? Their Own Selfishness and Stubbornness...Poetic justice or bizarre irony?

Wow, if the blind could only see...when/if they do, what they will find is truly AMAZING...AMAZING GRACE...


Mrs. W

Sfj, You’re right. Recovery IS a continuum. It’s one coherent program. By your own logic you can NOT pick and choose those portions of the continuum you like and discard those you do not if you really want to recover from your adultery. Plainly put, you can’t use MB principles to heal the obscenity you’ve done to your marriage if you are, at the same time, trying to tear those principles down.

Listen to those who have gone through your situation and come out successfully on the other side. They can help you, but only if you will pay attention.

I don't believe all of MB is the only way

Hi, it's Habiba.

I thought I'd actually write something here!

I'm glad my H told my MIL. I know that I am being completely weak and cruel. Yes, it is revolting.

I feel powerless. Cold.

How can this be?

I always knew that I wasn't the good person people always said I was. If you met me, you'd actually probably think I was really sweet, loving, kind. You would be shocked, surprised that I would ever do such a thing.

But I wouldn't.

I've always known I was held in place by others' expectations. I've tried to please everyone, be the person I am "supposed" to be. About 9 months ago, I quit caring about "supposed to"'s.

How do I get back to caring?

Yes, I am a piece of work. A rotten one. No justifications, no excuses.

But I still don't care.

Help.

Very Sincerely,

Habiba

Which portions of it are you struggling with?

widespread exposure and telling the children EVERYTHING

What is it, habiba, that you still don't care about?

Are these the only two things you disagree with?

If I may ask...what is it exactly about exposure that gets you prickly?

Mellow,

I don't care that it's wrong or hurtful. I don't care if people call me names or tell me I'm a horrible person, for starters.

Habiba, do you know what YOU want?

Mellow,

I also don't care about the "supposed to"'s anymore.

Habiba,

Are you saying you will continue with your A?

Habiba, please get some IC. You will begin to feel better about yourself after you go through withdrawl and gain some self respect back. YOU are not a bad person, what you DID was bad. OK?

sfjaj, no one but no one has ever said anything about exposing to children unless necessary and age appropriate.