MBC,

I'm going to give you my biased opinion on this question of yours...

You should do both your wife and your exW a favor, and get out of both of their lives.

Do every woman concerned a real favor... and STAY SINGLE!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

wow, i think u had a midlife crisis, not be funny, but 17 yrs younger....left a 39 yr marriage....wow. I just think it's horrible....not on either part just the situation i guess.

You're incredibly clueless and selfish to both women.

Your former marriage IS OVER. She is no longer your wife -- she is your EX-wife -- by your choice, remember?

According to the church, whether your second wife was your affair partner or not -- your divorce ended your marriage to your first wife, and you CANNOT go back without defiling your former wife.

Your obligation is to your wife now. Do the right thing by that marriage, or get out.

But you can't possibly think of going back to your ex-wife -- that would be morally wrong, and I'm afraid you'd just end up hurting her again, anyway.

You need therapy.

It is NOT morally wrong to go back to your first wife. It may well be a bad idea on the first wife's part to consider taking him back, but what was morally wrong was his having an affair and divorcing his wife.

ladies,

he has left this thread a long time ago

lol .. Probably to go to another thread, just like he exchanges wives. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

To argue that the old covenant should continue to bind the former spouse ignores some basic principles established by God. God said that if a person were to become divorced, and then become remarried to a new spouse, even if the second marriage ended because the new spouse dies, the original couple are never free to resume a marriage relationship (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

Once the adultery of remarriage had occurred, at that very moment, the original marriage contract between the first husband and wife was forever cancelled and permanently voided, never to be renewed. God forbade the original divorced couple from ever reconciling and remarrying, even if the third spouse died (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Jeremiah 3:1 reemphasizes this principle of "irreconcilability following divorce and remarriage" by calling such a reconciliation "pollution to the land".

Worse, if a couple did divorce, remarry other "new" spouses, and then decided to reconcile back as original spouses, they would be forced to legally divorce their "new" spouses. Jesus said that this too causes the divorce of the second spouses to become yet another set of adulteries (Matthew 5:32). So instead of correcting one adultery, it merely creates an entirely new set of adulteries while at the same time violating God’s written laws against this form of reconciliation.

Every marriage is a true marriage. Even the marriage between an unsaved person and a believer is a true marriage in spite of the fact that we are told in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that Christians must not become bound (married) to unbelievers. Paul says, when you find yourself in the situation where you are saved and are married to an unsaved spouse you are obligated to remain married, or, if the unbeliever chooses to leave you, you must remain single in hopes they will return and be won to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:11-16). All marriages are true marriages, even if that marriage was improperly initiated, sinfully originated, or ill advised at the start.

From TheFaithfulWord.org

Thanks for your reply. Why I cheat? Yeah, I am getting professional help and group therapy as well. I am beginning to find out and yes, correct, its not about w1 or w2 its about me. Something within me seeking fulfilment in others (relationship addiction related). I am learning. Yes, w1 is still willing to reconcile.
As to your comment, about returning to w-1 b/c its easier to cheat; you are now making assumptions. Up until that comment, you reply was good and helpful, thanks.

Degrees of sin? Well there are degrees of consequences for sure. Middle age wife; yeah I am sympathic, but remember; the wife made choices over the years to have little job skills-both own that real estate.

We all tend to have a void deep within ourselves, that we try and fill with various things, be it sex, drugs, the excitement of a new relationship, work, things, money, whatever, but the only ONE who can fill that void, is God.

And until He begins to fill it, that void will always be there.

In most cases of middle aged wives with few or out of date job skills, it was a joint decision of the couple to have the wife stay home and raise the children - and the WS withholds essential information from the wife that would have impacted her decision about being a SAHM. He neglected to tell her that he was planning on abandoning the family. It is, btw, not at all the same as dying, for you can insure against the financial devastation that could cause. As far as I know there is no such thing as abandonment insurance.

Nellie2,

Do you honestly believe your ex-husband had it all planned out to abandon you and your kids when the two of you decided you should stay home with your kids?

I realize it may 'feel' like that some times, but do you really believe it to be true? Seriously think about how that sounds.

It's also very possible that the SAHM is the WS, keeping key information from her BH.

So please, don't just write these things as if the WS is always or predominately a H, cheating on his SAHM bride.

Besides, do you really thing all the WH are cheating with unmarried women? Both parties are cheating, so for every cheating man, there is a corresponding cheating woman. She may or may not be cheating a husband, but she is dishonoring YOUR vows, and to me, that also is cheating.

ThornedRose,

No, I don't think he had specifically planned to abandon us at that point, but I do think he had already cheated (not with the OW he left us for), and that abandoning us if a better opportunity came along was always an option for him.

EnlightenedEx,

From what I have seen, it is relatively uncommon for SAHM's to have affairs and leave their spouses - and they certainly don't leave the husbands without job skills, obviously. Almost all the SAHM's I know have preschoolers or babies - when would they have an opportunity to have an affair when their kids are with them all day long? Where would they even get the energy, when their kids are not sleeping through the night? I am sure it happens sometimes, but it is far more common for men to leave their SAHM's than vice versa.

Leave the poor woman alone to finally heal after years of abuse. Yes infidelity is abuse and you are an abuser. Have some shame for your actions. BTW, you will cheat on this one or at least want to because after a while a wife is a wife. Just leave her alone. The damage is done and you will eventually have to deal with the fact that your kids think you are scum and that nothing you do from this point forward will change that. Just retreat and stop contact, its the only decent thing to do at this point. You are torturing her with your indecision and its makes you even worse. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

MBC,

Recovery of a marriage is HARD HARD work.
Are you prepared to COMMITT to do this hard work?

I think what would be MORE true is Nellie or any SAHM didn't ever expect their husband to betray and then abandon the family. So of course they weren't furthering or attempting to further their out-of-the-home careers.

As a team at the time, they had a plan ... she raised the children and he provide the money. That is until HE made a choice to ditch the plan and HIS commitment to his family and do it with someone else.

So, according to you and your propensity to betray and cheat on your spouseS, one should always have a back-up plan for the consequence of marrying you because you cannot be trusted to fulfill your commitments or promises.

Or one step further, if one was to marry you, God forbid, they should monetarily PLAN on you abandoning them for someone else.

Wow MBC, you're one heck of a prize. Sign me up! NOT

<where is the VOMIT icon?>

MBC's "Degrees of Consequences"

Don't trust me or relax into the marriage because I WILL eventually cheat on and leave you, and it will be your fault for not setting up contingencies for that inevitable destructive and devistating day. It will be YOUR fault because you were warned (aka consequences).