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Pep suggested a new line of Hallmark cards, since they just have so few (as in zero) about infidelity, and there seems to be such a need for a product in that niche. In fact, many of my notes to my H during his A were prefaced by, "Hallmark just doesn't make a card for this." So who has an idea for the new line? O: So your spouse has left you for someone else. Don't worry, they will be back, and there will be only one question...
I: Will you still want them?
Thinking of you in this difficult time.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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[i]O: To My Husband/Wife
You were all I ever wanted,
Each day with you has meant so much to me.
You will never know how much I want
To be with you every day for the rest of our lives.
The future will be glorious,
Walks on the beach together,
Intimate dinners by the fire,
Such closeness,
Such love,
For all our lives
As we grow old together.
All that will be yours...
I: As soon as you dump the skankylosaurus.
Sincerely,
Your Wife/Husband
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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The cover has a sweet little birdie on it ... blue with a yellow beak ...
Inside it says:
A little birdie told me your nest has been fouled by a nasty affair. If you need a friend ... I'm here for you
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I would have used the term "Australopithef***" instead.
I LOVE dinosaurs!
-ol' 2long
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I would have used the term "Australopithef***" instead.
I LOVE dinosaurs!
-ol' 2long ROTFLMAO! You can bet your karst that I do too...."Australopithef***" ....(giggle/snort)
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
Adultery sucks
And so do um, er, ah.. Australopithef***.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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ROFL!!!!!!
O: To My Dear Mother-In-Law
With sympathy in your loss.
I: It is always hard to bear
When your son's/daughter's brain is snatched
By aliens.
But you still have me.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Maybe NCWalker will write a limerick just for us.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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At this point in my recovery this is the only card I can think of and it is to the nice girl he had at my property that one fateful night and the one I think he run off with.
On the cover - a tired looking old broad complete with enhanced bumps and caption reading:
I've been waiting for a girl like you.
Inside it reads simply:
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
BTW, and this is no joke, Saturday I got a phone call asking me if the Rev. Dan ____________ was here.
Let me tell you I am still laughing over that. Can't even imagine what con he is pulling now, and on whom. In my better moments I have been thinking, well maybe, just maybe he has seen the light. Yeah, RIGHT! LOL
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Weaver - you know it still irks me about your property. Rev Dan!!!! What next?
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Don't let it bother you TT. Ktulu said for me to stay off of the property because some bad mojo was coming his way. All is well that ends well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Edited for more correct phrasing.
Last edited by weaver; 04/10/06 04:18 PM.
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O: Here is a quick quiz to brighten your day!
Can you guess what this is?
picture of a non-descript, unintelligible squiggle or smear occupies bottom 2/3s of card
I: Neither can I!!
But I'm more sure of that than I am of the STDs your daughter is exposing me to.
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O: So it's not Mother's Day. And sadly, an event as important as being a mom is celebrated only once a year, when the responsibilites of care, concern and love are required daily ...
I: ... or did you forget?
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O: On our wedding anniversary, I thought it would be nice to remind each other of our marriage day those many years ago.
vow - An earnest promise to perform a specified act or behave in a certain manner.
I: Imagine my surprise to learn it really stands for
virtuous
only
when I feel like it.
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O: So I have dragged the kids kicking and screaming away from the Nintendo to this card shop to pick out your Mother's Day card.
Their heart's not in it.
My heart's not in it.
But we did it because Mother's Day.
Card decorated with picture of exasperated dad, kids in tow, Nintendo controllers in tow of kids. No one looks happy.
Doin' right's sometimes a ******!
I: (You'll just have to take my word for it.)
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Card to be sent to OMW...
O:
Ever come across a complete stranger with whom you had so much in common that it was really freaky?
Saw the same concerts ...
Like the same foods ...
Picked the same pet names ...
Owned the same cars ...
Each blurb above illustrated with an appropriate cartoon...
I:
... intimate knowledge of the color and texture of your husband's pubic hair.
(I taped a sample for you at the bottom. Guess where I found them?)
space at bottom for required sample-taping. Would be really funny if there was a chalk outline.
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O:
What visits once a month ...
Is usually accompanied by pain and bleeding ...
And is embarassing to discuss with friends ...
I:
ALIMONY!
(It's OK if you didn't get it, seein' as how you're not gonna get it.)
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And don't forget ....
One could also launch quite a few successful tee-shirts...
1) My wife and lover went banging in the Comfort Suites and all I got was this lousy tee-shirt.
2) If I need CPR, save your strength. Wife has already ripped the heart out.
3) ADULTERY - The one word where you use "ADULT" to spell it, but act like a kid to do it.
4) When we said "Support Our Troops" we didn't mean "Bang our Wives" crying eagle would be a nice graphic
5) Let's go to Vegas!! I just won at STD roullette!
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