Thanks Pep..

Sometimes I don't feel that way... I feel like I am just floundering in the water with no life raft.

The one person I wish would see me that way , thinks I am being a vindictive B because i can't have things my way...

Once I talk to OWH he will really think I am being vindictive.... Oh well his problem not mine....


Hurting

I know that Hurting will do the right thing and say the right things when she speaks with OWH. She has also tried to protect her son, but he is now living in the house of sin against her better wishes. Hurting - you ARE a class act! You are doing the right things. Your son will one day come home. Those of us with teenagers KNOW how they operate. He is not looking to hop in the sack with this 13 year old. He wants his Dad and will come to realize that life over there is not a bed of roses.

You are an inspiration Hurting and deserve a lot of credit!

Talked to my attorney today. He has spoken to WH'S attorney and told him what was going on.

WH'S attorney has advised WH to have DS move home and start paying his SS payments before contempt charges are filed. So now its a wait and see thing.

Other news today DD called me at work to inform me her dad blew hwe cell up this morning wanting to know if she had heard from DS. Seems he had skipped school. So now the same thing has started to happen there. WH had to take off work to go find DS. He found him in the park behind th apts. DS
S excuse was people threatening him... Sounds like the same story just different kids and place.

Then I get a call from DS about 20 mins ago, he said why are you so mad? I said I'm not why? He says well you are saying dads moving to OKC and I can't go. I said your irght you arn't going. He said well dad is not moving I said good but if he does more power to him but you are not going. He said you can't stop me, I said watch me. I said no way are you moving 100 miles from me and i can't see you. He said I will if I want to and told him we shall see. He then got mad and hung up on me. So I am assuming after WH'S attorney talked to him he procedded to call DS and tell him what I was doing.

So this is pretty much the update for today. I am on guard for any attempted contact which could occur. WH is now even angrier because of this....

DS is angry, WH is angry God only knows whats next....

Hurting

My two cents worth here-



When you talk to DS your mantra should be "I love you, and I would miss you. I am your mom and will continue to be a big part of your life"
Instead of getting into a war of words with a 15 year old boy.
You want him to remember that you are the sane parent, the calm one. When he realizes his Dad is an a$$ he will remember that mom was always the calm one.

Instead of saying "Oh yeah, you just watch me!"
Just remain calm and remind him that "I am your mom, and I love you, and I will always be here for you"
we all know that he is not moving 100 miles away over your dead body - but there is no need to get into a "Pissing match" with a teenage boy.

Frankly, I never figured your WH would actually mvoe anyway. I think it was just him running off at the mouth.

It is good for your WH to know that you will take all legal action necessary to block him from moving your son 100 miles away. it is unfortunate that your WH feels the need to share such adult legal battle with a teenage boy. But you don't need to get into with your son. Just keep up the mantra "I love you, and I would miss you"

WOF,

Your right I know now I said the wrong things to him. I was just so shocked that his dad involved him yet again by telling him who knows what......

DS has avoided me as much as possible since he has moved out there. I have called and he is alway short to me on the phone. Liek yesterday I called him and he answered by What... I said excuse me , he said what do you want? I said I just called to check on you and see how you are. He said I am busy and I am fine. It was all I could do not to cry. The venom from my own son is killing me now. I just said I love and miss you bye.....

So now I am letting my attorney handle all of this. I just don't know what else to do...

Hurting

Ask your attorney whether OK recognizes parental alienation of affection suits.....

Regards,

BB

No, OK does not, BB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

http://marriage.about.com/od/legalities/a/alienation_2.htm

Hello Hurting-
So sorry you are having to now deal with your son's attitude
and rebellion. I'm sure he is really hurting, confused, mad,
and scared, but shouldn't be taking it out on you, the one
person who is acting like a loving parent.
Has your older son, MIL, SIL, or other friend or family
member tried talking to him any ?
Would he go to counseling ?

Seems like continuing to be loving, supportive, and always
consistent in your "stance" will likely "win out" before
long. I'm willing to be that DS is already finding out what
it's really like living with WH and OW and realizing it's
not so great, but he may have to overcome some stubborness
to "back down" and admit it.

Glad your lawyer seems to be helpful in handling this too.
Hang in there,
Slammed

I'm sorry, somehow I missed your post until just now!


Me too. This is exactly what I went through with my 15 year old.
The first 3 days that he was gone, he didn't call him. I wanted to! Wanted to send the cops over to pick him up! But, as I am sure you would agree, he would have just waited until I wasn't looking and then run right back over to Dads.
His dad didn't even have the guts to call me.
YS left a note on his bed, and we knew he was with his dad because his dad picked him up. We just didn't realize he was planning to move in with his Dad until after he left and we read the note.

WxH sent me an email message the following Tuesday at work (it was a 3 day weekend - New Years day!) that man is such a coward still. He didn't want to talk to me - so he sent an email.

Anyway, I decided to let YS have his space and truly get a full dose of his dad, and the ugly life style he now has. I sent my son a text message each morning "have a good day today, I love you" but he never responded back to me.
He tried to come into the house one day, during the day, while we were gone, but the doors were locked and he had left his key with me. That afternoon he called, and he was very short with me "Mom, leave the door unlocked tomorrow so I can come in an get the rest of my stuff while you are at work."
I said "No. You are welcome to come in and get your stuff, but I will be there when you do it. We need to sit down together and talk about what stuff you will take, and what you will leave here to have when you are here." he was very hostile. He said "Mom! I don't live with you anymore! I love with Dad now, let me just go live my new life!" to which I said calmly, "you are welcome to stop by, while I am here, and we will sit and discuss what you can take, and what you will leave here. You are still my son, and I will expect you to spend at least half of your time here."
He stopped be later, was very hostile still, took a few things and left. No discussions.
I did not call him; I waited for him to call. Finally, after about a week he called and chatted for a couple of minutes. Nothing big, just Hi, how are you.
I didn’t push anything. I waited. He called again after another week. Just a light chat again. Another week went by. Then he stopped by one day out of the blue, and wanted to visit. Ate dinner with us. At that point he had papers in his pocket, and said "dad says that you have to sign these so he can stop paying child support to you, since I don't live with you anymore"
I said, "If your Dad wants to talk about paperwork, he will have to call me him self"

Another couple of weeks went by. Finally, after about 6 weeks, he came back and has been back ever since.

So I know what you are feeling. The few times I spoke to my son, I had the same cold conversations. And I worried like crazy! But I kept reminding myself that WxH has always had a short temper, that the new wife, OW#2, was not as nice as me, and that their house did not have the same feeling of home that mine does.

Let me tell you from my own experience, that living with step children is a huge challenge. I have new step children, whom I love, but it is a constant challenge. I am certain that my WxH’s new wife was not ready for the challenge of having my son around. She has 2 of her own boys, so I am sure she was comparing her sons to mine. Also, she does not have the emotional maturity it takes to blend a family together. Plus, my WxH, and his OW#2, even though they are married now, their relationship started as an A and still has the negative feelings, the lack of trust, the dishonesty that surrounds it. That creates a nasty tension around the house.
So hang in there. It is good to give up a lot of your stress to your attorney, but it is still way to early to predict how this will turn out.

You're doing good. again, be loving when you speak to ds...but have clear boundaries also. Just don't yell or speak loudly to him...just state clearly your boundaries and toss in your feelings (I love ya son) when you feel like it.

we're praying for you.

again, get the lawyer on the apartment thing. the OW IS STEALING GOVERNMENT MONIES AND IT ANGERS ME THAT MY TAXES ARE PAYING FOR HER LOVE SHACK. bleech! not only does that show her contempt for law and rules, but it is also in violation of most states' standard legal language regarding separation agreements/divorce.

I know in the south it is common language that no unrelated adult of the custodial parent's opposite sex is to spend the night under same roof as child when child is in the custodial parent's home. that's yet a second lawbreaker...

i really think you should remain black, and let them lb from afar. it's already happening.

I am still laughing about how short a leash the ow has your wh on...he's gonna be hating it soon if he isn't already deep down...I mean, her NOT ALLOWING YOUR DAUGHTER TO CALL WH FROM YOUR CELL? why? because OW is so frightened of HURTING having contact with her Husband?

I really think the affair is beginning its death throes...just stay back and let them love bust. and shed a tad of truth/light into the mix and let them scramble to defend themselves...and like I told ya today, when you aren't around to disagree with and for them to band together against, they will ARGUE WITH EACH OTHER...just like my xh and ow/w do all the time.

I agree with Peachy.. Plus, now that he is working in town, they won't be able to have their *honeymoons* every weekend.. being around each other so much with so much going on... they will LB all over the place !! it is happening already.

Sending my very best to you !!

car

Well some good news tonight. DS called me right after I got off work. I have not tried to call him since his temper tantrum the other day.

I answered my phone when he called. He said Hi mom how are you. I said I am fine what about you. He said I am ok. We chit chatted a bit about school and stuff. i asked him are you still upset with me and he said no. I told him DS I love you very mcuh and I miss you more than you will ever know. He said I love you to mom and I do miss you. I told him that he knows he can come home when ever he wants. He just said I know. I started to cry and decided to cut the call short before I broke down completely. I told him I woul talk to him this weekend if he got back from the bowling tourney early. I again told him I love you and miss you.

Now to what Peachy and Car has said. The A maybe on its final legs who knows. I do know the OW is freaking out and that became very apparent when my DD was told my cell phone cannot be used for communication with WH. I do hope thye love bust each other over and over again. I do know WH will tire of being controlled and on a leash. I am staying dark in fact very dark.

Thanks for the support all

Hurting

Tee Hee Hee, don't you just love how OP think that BSs are just going to evaporate? OW told me that "I just didn't think I would ever have to deal with you" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


I am glad DS called you, hang in there.

Jean,


I am hanging on and things are ok here. All is quiet and I am staying busy and working.

Letting the infidels have their peace and LB all over each other... Mistrust is a nasty thing ...

Hurting

Hurting,

Did you ever contact OW's H? If so, what happened?

Rag,


I tried contacting him. The phone number I got is not in service. So its back to the drawing board on that. I do have an address amd am concidering mailing a letter to it. It may be outdated as well but its worth a shot.
Only problem I have is I worry that anything I write I have to be careful with because I sure don't need it to come back and bite me in my butt...

Sorry I didn't think to update on that situation...


Hurting

While I was at work a friend of ours I have not seen since last July came in the store. He worked with WH at his old job. We used to go over to their home and out to dinenr with him and his wife.

Anyhow he saw me and said OMG BS how are you? I said I am dong fine , how are you? He said doing ok and you are looking so good. I said thanks. He said so I see things have not changed, I said no not really. I said BTW , is WH working back down at XXX? He said yes he is and let me tell you he is th most miserable person I have ever seen. I said whay do you say that? He said he just seems so unhappy and miserable but tries to convince everyone he is doing great.

He said we all at work see it but WH. I told him well I know but for some reason WH is determined to make this work. He said You know I think its because WH has to much pride to admit he has done anything wrong, but he knows he is not happy but is unwilling to admit it. He said BS just give it time, he will stumble and fall yet.

He said didn't you know he was working back at XXX? I said yes I knew only because I saw him in the truck one day. I told him about WH not telling the kids where he worked because he didn't want me to know. Our friend laughed and said yeah like you wouldn' find out in this town....

He then asked me what I had been doing besides working. I said oh I have been going out with friends and just trying to have a good life. He smiled and said so you are going out huh? I said yes I am with just friends, he said well I damn sure would not be the one to tell WH you have been going out. I said why not he supposedly does not care. He said yeah well I ain't telling him nothing as I don't want to be the one around when he finds out and flips over it. I said he won't flip he has moved on, he said yeah right whatever you say....

So here again another person who see's this for what it is.... A miserable fantasy that everyone fakes they are happy in....

Hurting

Yippee !! I knew he was too proud to admit he made a mistake....

Just a matter of time now.... can you hang on a while longer ? Keep on keeping on Healing.... Hold your head high...

Heck.. just keep doing what you have been doing. Did you get your new clothes and have fun spening the tax $$$ ??

Sending my very best to you, car

Hi All,

Just checking in.... Nothing new to report things very quiet here....

No attemps at contact from WH. Life is moving on and I am beginning to feel hopeless.

WH has told DD she can not use my cell phone for contact with him. I guess OW checks his phone and then the bills. So he is making sure my number does not show up at all....

Just waiting for a court date to happen now...... So we can say goodbye to our 25 years together.... So darn sad....


Hurting

Hi hurting!

I heard this song this morning and thought of you. You have been so strong through all this. I'm sorry you are discouraged. You have so many good things a head for you...I just feel it. So this song is dedicated to you...A woman who knows who she is and what she wants. (((((hurting))))) ( soon to be healinginoklahoma) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Stand Beside Me
By Jo Dee Messina

He left me cryin’ late one sunday night outside of boulder
He said he had to find himself out on the road
I guess when love goes wrong
You’ve gotta learn to be strong

So I worked two jobs and I moved three times
I ended up south of memphis workin’ down in riverside
I may not be so lucky in love
But the one thing I’m sure of

I want a man that stands beside me
Not in front of or behind me
Give me two arms that want to hold me not own me
And I’ll give all the love in my heart
Stand beside me
Be true don’t tell lies to me
I’m not lookin’ for a fantasy
I want a man that who stands beside me

I didn’t expect to see him one hot july morning
His hair was longer but his eyes were the same old blue
He said, I’ve missed you for so long. oh baby, what can I do
I said, I want a man that stands beside me
Not in front of or behind me
Give me two arms that want to hold me not own me
And I’ll give all the love in my heart

It’s hard to tell him no when I want him so bad
But I’ve got to be true to my heart this time

I’m not lookin’ for a fantasy
I want a man who stands beside me
I want a man
Who stands beside me
Stand beside me
Stand beside me



jo dee messina lyrics