Confused,

I habe never heard that song. The lyrics though seem to be playing my life right now....

I don't feel so strong right now and I guess thats because I am losing hope here....

it will be a year in June since the A started and in July 1 year he will be gone..... It just seems so hopeless now....


Hurting

I feel it too Hurting. Just think of the personal recovery God has brought you through. He has a good and wonderful plan ahead for you, not a hurting one.

YOU deserve God's best!!

Love & Blessings,
Lady

Lady,

Thanks for the kind words. I know God has a plan for me, I just have to wade through this mess to get to it.....

I am getting better and doing better everyday. I still have my down times but they are fewer are far between now.... Unfortunatley today is one of them.... But I will make it through ...


Hurting

Hurting,

When my 1st W left us, someone told me that I will have to make up my mind if I want to say yes or no when she returns. At the time, I thought that would never happen. Sure enough, 3 or 4 years after our divorce, she asked to return. I said no; however, your options are open.


Chin up!

{{Hurtin} big hugs to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Better today? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The hopelessness is a phase of Plan B, hurting. It is what allows you to pick up and continue onward without WH. It is what gets you to the point where you are no longer looking over your shoulder to see how he is reacting and what he is doing. It allows you to do what you need to do to stay strong and healthy.

It hurts -- but it is just a healthy part of process.

Hey hurting-
Haven't talked to you for awhile, but think of you and
always remember you in prayers.
Have been having a tough time here too.
Tried to call WH last night, and OW answered his cell
phone ! I was so surprised I looked at the phone to see
if I dialed wrong, then realized it was her.
A bit later, got three calls all from his home phone,
and when I'd answer they hung up, so I'm sure it was
OW, trying to see who had called him. (she's always been very paranoid)
The thought of her being at the house with him, being
there with OUR furniture and probably sleeping in OUR
bed was enough to make me sick, as was knowing that WH
had also lied, again, when he told me things like
"90 percent of what you think is going on with her isn't
happening". Well, obviously she was either there to spend
the night, or has moved in and was BOLD enough to answer
his phone, so IT is going on !

Figured she'd probably thrown a big fit about it and I'd
hear from WH right away today, but haven't gotten a call,
so either WH doesn't even know about it, or doesn't care
that I know.
To make it even worse, I was very curious as to whether she
was just there to "visit", or had moved in so called her
home phone number this afternoon.... and it's disconnected,
so I'd have to guess that she has moved in with him now.
This after he's "touted" how much he wants to be "alone"
and have his own "space", was worried about our dog messing
up the new house (and she has two big dogs) and him telling
me straight to my eyes that she was NOT moving in with him.

Well, it'll make it even easier to do Plan B, I guess, as
he won't be able to call me from home with her there and
monitoring him, and perhaps it will bring about the demise
of A faster if they are together all the time and can drive
each other nuts. OR, maybe it'll just make it that much
harder to get rid of her...

Slammed

Hi all,

I am doing better today. Not so down and out as they say.

WH is questioning the kids about me dating though. He has called my ODS about it. Not sure why he wants to know or why he even cares. But other than that I know nothing about him or his life which suits me just fine. I don't ask about him or care to know......

Slammed I have been keeping up with your sitch but just don't have any advice right now. I agree planb is looming but since I have not done a good planb and any advice I have to offer does not mean much. Just that if you do planb, you have to do it right or not do it at all. Hard lesson learned here for me.

I wish you the best and know your in my prayers.....


Hurting

Hi Hurting -

just popping in to say "hello". This too will pass, as they say......... We love you!

(((((Hurting)))))

Kim

Hiya Kim,

Thanks for popping in, I love all of you all too. Everyone here has been the best friends I have had during all of this mess. The support the greatest and its meant so much to me.....

How are things with you? I have not been reading as much here lately I been working so much and staying away from here and all the sadness is helping me become grounded and not obsess so much but I pray for all of you daily and think of you often....

Hurting

Glad you are doing better today. I was thinking of you earlier today....back when you couldn't get a job and were obcessed with WH every move....YOU"VE COME A LONG WAY BABY!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yeah - Confused is so right!! Hurting - just think back --- WOW. You have grown so much!!!

Kim

Confused,

Yeah I have come a long ways. Not gonna say I don't think about it everyday because that would be a lie. But I dont obsess like I once did. whe nI am busy and working I dont even think about it. Its only in the quiet times I reflect on my life and what has happened the last 10 months. Its been rough and some days I never thoguht i would survive it. But I have and I am doing so much better than before.

I still want my marriage at this time but its not as strong as it was before when I thought i had to do it and do it now.... I have been alone for so long now I am getting used to it and my patience is getting better.

Oh some days I just want ot scream and ask him what th heck are you doing get your butt home but those days become less and less.....

I guess I am detaching from him now and it does scare me but I know its part of the process of letting go and that is going to happen no matter what. And if he never comes back I need the detachment so I can continue to grow and live my life. I believe a part of me will alway love him but I can live without him.....


Hurting

I guess I am detaching from him now and it does scare me but I know its part of the process of letting go and that is going to happen no matter what. And if he never comes back I need the detachment so I can continue to grow and live my life. I believe a part of me will alway love him but I can live without him.....


Oh Healing ~~ you have done every single thing right... For you !!! You are not only much stronger, you are much smarter... What a journey, huh ??

God bless you, hon.

His affair will end, no doubt about it ~~ but I seriously am starting to think that .... you will be in such a better place by then.... not looking good for WH

Sending my best - car

Carnation,

Hello my friend.

yeah its been a rough journey for sure and its not over yet. The road isn't as bumpy as it first was but there are still some sharp curves ahead I have to manuver.

I also have no doubts the A will end someday but your right will it be in time? I really don't know the answer to that question. I hope and pray everyday it will be but as each days passes the time is running shorter.

As everyone keeps telling me this is on Gods time line not mine. Time and patience is something i do have on my side but both things are starting to wear thin. To bad WH does not realize this..... Sometimes I thinkhe feels me pulling away because thats when he starts questioning people about me and my life.. What am I doing and who am I doing it with.... I keep what I do pretty much to myself, he lost that right to know what I do the day he walked away from our marriage.

Things are quiet here and thats good for me. I know nothing about whats going on with him and I want it kept that way.... It makes life so much easier for me.....


Hurting

Hi Hurting, and thanks for your support and prayers.

Hate that I go through these "cycle" of feeling pretty good
and strong about things and then having some little "drama"
or even just wake up in a mood that makes me feel like I
really have a "setback" and go through all the thoughts,
feelings, and worries again.
I did hear from WH last night, and it appears that he did
not know anything about OW answering his cell phone or
calling here to the house. Supposedly she is staying with
him a few days while she is in the process of moving, but
since I can't really trust what WH says,so I just feel like
"whatever".
The closing on the piece of land we are selling is to be
next week, so after that won't have any reason to need to
see WH. I plan to either give him the PBL there, or mail
it- whichever is thought best.

I'm glad your son seems to be coming around and WH's A is
showing signs of big cracks. Hang in there.
Slammed

Slammed,

I am not sure son is coming around. He still is not sure if he is coming tonight or not. he pretty much is ignoring me right now. Its been three weeks since he left home and I have seen him twice and spoke to him only a handful of times. I try and try but he ignors my calls and emails. I just don't know what to do anymore.

As far as cracks in the A, I have no idea if there are any. Even after her f inidng out the truth their lives seem to be going on like usual. There has been no attempts at any contact even reguarding our son. WH has made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing ot do with me at all. He even made it very c;ear to our DD she was not allowed to use my cell to contact him. As he does not want my number to ever show up on his phone or bill or that is OW does not want that.

So things here have been very quiet and I know nothing about him nor do I ask anyone. All I know is he has asked my ODS about me and my social activites. Not sure why he wants to know but again not my problem. My son thinks its because he cares and is worried I am moving on, but me personally feel he is fishing for dirt. Well he gonna have to fish an awfully deep well to find any as there is none to find....

So such is life....

Hurting

Hurting-
Sorry that your son is being stubborn (must get it from WH, huh !!??) but I bet he'll come around yet . Can't imagine it is at all pleasant to be around his foggy father and the very paranoid OW and having to hear their fussing and fighting. He knows you are there for him, as you've been
loving and consistent all along, and I think he'll be back
before long.

I know what you mean about it seeming that the A goes on
no matter what happens- I've felt the same, and can't
believe OW and WH keep getting back together- even after
finding out about lies each told, even after OW called WH's
XGF and exposed the A, even after OW called me and then
mailed the package of ugly souvenirs...but such is the life
of ADDICTS, I guess.

I think your WH is still interested and does want to know
what you're doing and if you're moving on, but with OW
breathing down his neck and already mad at him for finding
out the truth, he can't make a move, plus still fighting
his pride too. If he is looking for any "dirt", he's not
going to find anything, so there's not much point to that.
Glad you are doing well, keeping your cool, and hanging
in there- hope your weekend is good.
Slammed

WH was here today to get more of his stuff from the yard. I had no idea he was coming by. My SIL and BIL were here cutting more trees down.

I was in the house when he got here and my DD said mom stay in th house dad is here. I was sweeping the floor when i saw him in th backyard. He saw me and looked away. I left the room and came away from the kitchen so I would not have to see him. I heard him though laughing and playing with the dogs, soundled so much like the real H. it was hard to hear knowing he really isn't him..... I miss him so much.... My kife is changing so fast, I have to move soon but still have not found a place.... I just feel like I am loosing it all. No home , no husband and I just am not sure what to do.... We talk aboout the WS loosing everything well for now its me at least he has a place to stay for now and is not looking for a place to live he can afford. I hate this mess....

Hurting