I am new here, and you probably don't care much about what I have to say, but here goes anyway.

Being a WS you have ONLY two choices. Choice 1 - Continue being selfish; stay in your A, LEAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. Haven't you done enough damage to your S and children (if there are any?) Choice 2 - Initiate NC and STICK TO IT. Commit to radical honesty and move on in your marriage. Own your selfish behavior.

Maybe I am way off here, but those are the only choices I see.

What are your choices though? They are the important ones right now.

Max

Hey look! The newbie is channeling Jelly!

That's not a slight S&C67....that's a kudos.

I know you're hurting...but your feet are on the right path. (((((HUGS)))))

- Kimmy

What are my choice? My husband and my 2 beautiful daughters or a fantasy life contining an A.

I choose my family. I messed up royally but there is no question now.

My point is OWN YOUR BEHAVIOR. I feel for these BS; the WS is just dragging them through He// - not fair. You can't change what you don't own.

Either work on your M or GET OUT. There is no grey area here.

Reading these posts.....it's breaking my heart.

I'm just angry at other WS for not coming clean. How much hurt does a BS have to go through???

Enough is enough already.

Honey, it's different for everyone. The time it takes, the toll it takes...it's all different. The only sameness is the crush.

But by owning your mistakes, you've taken a huge step in not only your healing but your family's healing too.

Kimmy

"Either work on your M or GET OUT. There is no grey area here. "

yup your right.

but what about you?

Max

What about me? I'm an open book. Ask away.

Let me tell you something about myself that I JUST realized.

I've always thought of myself as a "GODLY" person. Guess what - that's a load of bull. I was not Godly when I was with another many OUTSIDE of my M. I didn't put GOD first, I put my own needs ahead of HIS.

Bottom line - I am a changed woman. Here are my NEW prioriites starting DDay:

1. GOD
2. HUSBAND
3. CHILDREN
4. WORK

New me - new life.

S&C67-
I think you are realizing how important it was to come "clean" with everything to your H. That's great! How long did you hold it in though before you told your H? There seems to come a point for every WS or FWS that they realize that their only chance for their marriage to recover is to be totally honest. Some take longer than others to get to that point. I'm so glad that you "got it" and are working on your marriage now.

I told my H about my A 2 days after it ended. I knew it was the only way our marriage was going to improve. However, I made a huge mistake by trying to keep a little contact with the OM for a few months and I hid that from my H. Only when I came "clean" with EVERYTHING did our marriage have a chance for recovery.

Don't keep any secrets from your H!

How are you doing emotionally right now? How is your H?

You sound pretty well CRANKY to me.

correct me if I am wrong.

Max

2B -

Thanks. Today I am on top of the world. There are no more secrets between H and I. I feel that I have FINALLY gotten my priorities straight, and I feel damn good.

Don't take my words as wanting a "pat" on the back. It has nothing to do with that. I MADE A VERY BAD CHOICE....but I have come clean and it feels good and more importantly feels RIGHT because I know it's the right thing to to and it's what GOD wants me to do so my H and I can move forward.

My H is not doing so well right now. Totally understandable. Lots of questions, hard / tough questions, but he has EVERY right - at this point I don't have many "rights". I lost them and that is MY FAULT and MY FAULT ALONE.

There was a time of deciet when I told my H it was just an EA. Took me months to tell him about the PA. I didn't think HE could handle it. Only with the the support and guidance of all you here at MB did I realize VERY QUICKLY I had to do Radical Honestly.

YOU are all the experts. I'm just a newbie.

sadandconfused:
can you call my WW and tell her that!!! we all mess up but stepping out on your marriage is not acceptable at least for me at first i was willing to give her another try but now shes turn the tide on me.

she's moving out cause i laid into her 2 weeks ago. now im the one feeling bad wanting her back and going crazy wondering whats shes doing & thinking. and it was my right to lay into her she should be happy thats all i did from talking to people they would of at least destroyed something and to this date thats all of done tryed to get her back home to no avail.

sorry to go off but i wish more WS would take your adivise.

so im done w/ all that i have to move forward w/ my life for my 2 kids and my own sake.

wish u had posted this a week or 2 ago so i could show it to her.

You sound like the Wookie when he finally "got it".

It's a liberating feeling to let go of the struggle and give it to God, huh? It's all giddy and peaceful all at once....

Doesn't mean there's not work to do....but it's purpose filled/driven chores.

This is important and yes it was the right thing to do. But, now your job is to help your H through this. You may be on top of the world because you feel "free" of the bondage you were in, but now your H has to process it all. This is going to take alot of time! There will be ups and downs over a period of time until your H recovers from this. Some days he may feel good and then he will think about it again and not feel so great about it all. Still sooo much to work on.

Is there complete NC with this OM? Do you still see the OM that works in your building? Will you be changing jobs? I thought I remember you posting about trying to get a new job?

2B -

Thank you, I appreciate your input, I can always use it!

NC with OM! No, we don't see eachother at work. We work on a huge campus, different buildings and our departments have nothing to do with the other.

Yes, I have been looking for another job, nothing yet.

H and I discussed this before - the fact that I should look for something elsewhere.

I'm glad that there is NC with the OM. I had thought I had read that you pass him on the campus? Is that avoidable?

I am glad that you agree with your H about changing jobs. It would be for the best and would make your H more secure knowing that you will not run into the OM.

good luck sad&conf.

hope your marriage becomes a great and wonderfull place to be.

SAENZ - Thank you. I wish you the best of everything too!

I feel for you, I really do. Please hang in there.

you avoiding me?


"Radical Honesty* eh?

Max

2B - Yes one day last week we passed eachother at lunchtime. VERY uncomfortable. So now I pretty much stay in during lunch! If I have to run out I'll go around 11:30 or around 2 pm. At that time, no chance to seeing XOM.