NOPE!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just an update to say I'm trying to stay dark. Sent down a note w/childcare related info on Sunday & added that "DS missed having his daddy home."

WH sent a note back up stating that he just didn't know where I was getting all of my "extra" money (perhaps from my Dad) and that he misses DS every single day. And he misses the things we used to do together.

BUT. Nothing about his PLAN to protect me. So, I'm still in Plan B!!

What in the heck is he holding out for? Is it pride? GEEZ.

I still love him incredibly. It just takes one or two things to get this ball rolling back to recovery. When I decide to do something, I give it 110% which is what I will give to this M.

DS & I have been doing great. I sat outside & watched him play with some friends and it was so wonderful. We had dinner on the back deck & after I had this overwhelming feeling of happiness. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful life. With or without WH. I can be happy. I looked at DS & I said to him "DS, I am so happy."

I hope this can offer up some hope for others who are struggling right now.

My year anniversay for D day is coming up though. I am already having flashbacks to events leading up to D-day. YUCK> had an awful dream last night too. Saw WH out with a girl. Didn't know who it was, but just assumed it was OW. I walked up to her & just started calling her by her name. Told her that she was with my WH & I WAS NOT giving up.

Blessings!

Kim

Nice to hear that you are in a good spot right now. I get the same feeling, the girls and I are having this nice little life - and WH is missing out on it all.

Out of curiousity, how often do you have WH dreams? I am afraid I am just too obsessive. I can count the days on one hand that I have NOT woken up with thoughts of WH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hi Jean!

Well, last night marked another dream night with WH. You HAD to mention it....It was a much better dream than the previous night though.

I rarely dream about WH. I do still think about him quite a bit though. Not obsessively though.

Well, I am at a weak moment right now which is why I jumped on MB. DS & I went out for Cinco De Mayo. This has always just been a fun thing for WH & I to do. First year without him. We love Mexican.

I had my cell phone tucked away in my purse, couldn't even hear it. For some reason, I pulled it out and I had just missed a call. It was WH. He left a message. I listened to it later......Said he was calling to wish a Happy Cinco De Mayo and that for some reason he was thinking I would pick up the call.

Now, I will say that I am trying hard to resist the urge to text him. I just want to say "Show me your plan for protection."

I know he misses us. He just can't put OW in front of us.

UGH!!!!!!!!!! I so want to tm him.

Kim

Step away from the phone, Kim. Don't do it!! Stay strong, you can do this.

Hope you and DS are having a good night. I'm trying not to boil over thinking about WH and OW going out of town for the weekend when I'm here w/ a sick DD.

Hi SM!!

I just posted to you!! I read about what XH is doing. That's simply awful and more of the same old SELFISH thinking. I am hanging out here on MB until this urge leaves me.

DS & I are going to watch a movie in a little bit too.

Our Mexican was great. I don't drink much at all lately, but had two Ritas. That doesn't help the urge to call WH though.

I won't pick up the phone. It's been almost two hours now.

Kim

Good for you! We had our own little Cinco de Mayo at home... DD loves quesadillas and refried beans. Even though she threw up at the sitter's this morning, I made it for us. She seems to be better. Took a four hour nap this afternoon and woke up HUNGRY.

And yes, STBX (not X yet, although he seems to think just taking off his ring made him X)is being incredibly selfish. My counselor said he'll probably fade out of the picture as far as DD is concerned. To be honest, I wouldn't be too upset if he did. I'd hate it for DD's sake, b/c she needs her daddy in her life, but neither she nor I need that negative energy in our lives. I hope things change for the better.

Enjoy your movie and your evening with DS!

SM - Glad your DD is better. DS loves bean burritos!!



I have a friend whose H was physically abusive & she ended up divorcing him. She said she does not really care if he is in her DS's life. She said that she doesn't even ask him for child suppport, that it would just too much stress trying to get the money out of him. So he doesn't pay her anything. Her main reason though is that she knows she will one day meet a man that she will fall in love with. If that happens and the new H wants to adopt her son, she doesn't want her XH to have a leg to stand on in court........Then they can all be a "real" family.

I could never cut my H out of DS's life......it would only happen that way if he "faded away" like your counselor said.

I sent down a note about scheduling today.....B/c of WH's last note too me and his phone call on Friday, I ended it letting him know that we could do things together again and have a great marriage. That I needed to see his plan of protection for me so I would feel safe.

I'm just going to repeat things and keep it simple and short. Steve Harley said that any communication should be positive. He also said that he needed to produce his plan.

A year ago today, I was definitely already suspicious of something fishy. A year ago yesterday, WH bought OW a CD for Mother's Day. A year ago last night, I snooped in WH's car and found it under his car seat. I didn't know who it was for & thought it a weird present for me(an artist I don't listen to). The next day, it was gone.

Kim

a year ago i was 55

BWHAAAAAAAAA <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

KIM <<<~~~~ You're doing GREAT!

really

far better than your WH who looks at himself in the mirror and prolly has to pump himself up to smile at his own reflection

the wasted wanderings of the wayward are not wonderful reflective memories

Pep

PEP!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I know I have made tremendous progress & am doing MUCH better than my WH.

I am thankful that for most of the time now I am happy and at a peaceful place.



SOOOO TRUE!

D-Day memories won't get me down!

Kim

Having a major setback. I feel utterly hopeless about the potential of my Marriage being saved. Nothing really has happened, just the fact that WH can't produce a plan to protect me. That he is not the man I thought he was.

It will be a year on Sunday since I discovered his unfaithfulness to me and DS. I have worked my butt off to do what I can to show him that I want nothing more than to have this family together again.

He wants another woman to replace me, another couple of kids to be a part-time Father to.

I pretty much laid it out on Sunday with my note stating that I knew we could do things together again, that we could have a strong marriage. BUT I needed to feel protected and needed to see his plan of protection.

I take his nothingness as a response. It is making a strong statement with me right now. I am tired of being hopeful and positive and appearing to be o.k. Because right now, I am not.

Sorry. Perhaps I am just going through a momemnt of weakness. But I just need to get this out. I need to purge these feelings so perhaps I can rise back up with the help of God and regain hope.

I cried and prayed last night for God to bring my husband home.

I am getting frustrated with the stage I am in.

Thanks for reading.

Kim

(((Kim)))

Sorry things seems bleak. Just remember that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle with His help, and God has a plan for us. Things will get better...

Thinking of you and your DS!

((((Kim))))
You are in a much better place then you were last year. Anniversaries are tough and bring up all those raw emotions. Take extra good care of yourself at this time. Last year your son didn't have a father or a mother. Through this journey you got yourself back and given your son the mother he deserves.

Who knows what is going on in the alien's mind. Remember it is your HUSBAND you want not the WS imposter.

There are brighter days ahead...and think of the side benefit. Lemonman probably has 27 different recipes for crow! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You are in my prayers

Kim, I think the best answer for you is to go DARK. This contact has only dragged you back into his affair again with disasterous results. I have no doubt that the affair is on full fledged and he is emboldened in his pursuit because he thinks he can come waltzing back to you at any time.

He has manipulated you into breaking Plan B numerous times, only in an attempt to get you to re-fi with him. Now that he sees you won't do that, he has dropped all pretense. I am not saying this to hurt you, but because that is the absolute truth and I hope you will accept this truth and start protecting yourself accordingly. This was all a ruse, as you can now see.

He knows exactly what he has to do to come back. You don't have to continually remind and plead with him. HE KNOWS, KIM. And if he were sincere, there would be no misunderstanding. He would do what it takes and wild horses would not stop him.

I have been thinking about something else, too. I suspect that the affair is back on in full force. The OWH told you that she is leaving for work 2 hours early every day. Doesn't it occur to him that she is going to his apartment every morning?

If yall could follow her in the morning and bust them, you may be able to bust up this affair. What do you think of working with him to catch them?

I can't believe that was me posting a few days ago. I cried off and on today. First time in a while that I have had a day like this. I know, we are allowed our days like this. It really is normal. I just couldn't shake these thoughts of D-Day. Thoughts that after an experience like this that I would never want another man in my life. EVER.

I plan on going out of town this weekend so I am with family on Sunday which is D-Day Anniversary. Wonderful that it falls on Mother's Day this year. How nice.

SadMommy, Confused42 and MelodyLane - thank you all for your support. I read them from work today.

I know this is an Alien H right now. But how long I will continue to let even an Alien ruin my life is on a short timetable. It's like he is STRINGING me along. A note saying he misses the things we used to do, a phone message saying he was thinking about us. I respond with a supportive note and then BANG. He is back to nothingness.

I realize that I am contributing to this activity with my little notes. I guess I HOPE that the postitive remarks will help him to see that I can move past his Affair. But you know what? This pain is helping me to build that wall back up. I already feel it being constructed & once it is complete I don't know if I will let him back in.

Melody - OWH never responded to my last e-mail. I wasn't really asking him anything, just letting him know that I still loved my H incredibly and that I wasn't giving up. I could give him another call.........

I am getting suspicious that perhaps WH has found another woman. On occasion DS comes home with gifts that are not from WH. They are from a "friend" at the office. The last gift was some coins from England and a souvenier double-decker bus the size of matchbox cars.

((Kim))

It must be something in the air. I had that d-day nausea all day today. I was thinking about how safe I felt with H, seems like such a short time ago. And now I don't think he would pee on me if I were on fire <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Crappy day all the way around, so I took the girls out we adopted a new kitten. His name is Simon Garfunkle Smith (the pet shop had named him Simon so the kids decided to go with the Garfunkle) I think it is really cool that they know who S & G are!

When WH left, we had one cat. Now we have two cats, two birds and 5 fish!

Hi kim,

I have had the feeling off and on the my WW is just STRINGING me along also. She said she wasn't going to see OM on March 10 this year. Some recent info is now making me suspicious that she is back with him and maybe never broke it off at all. I think she is in addiction la-la land. You can see my other posts for the details if you care to take the time.

It's very rough for me right now because I can't decide if I should move back in (I moved out 2 weeks ago, supposedly temporarily because I got frustrated and she needed "space" and time to "sort things out"). Riiiiiight! Now, of course, she thinks this separation is a "good" thing. I'm sure she does. I'm constantly getting "mixed" messages from her. She doesn't know who she is; she doesn't know what she wants; she's "put up" with me for so many years and now it's time to take care of "her"; she says she loves me at some level; she just wants to be "friends" with me for now after 35 years together; it's too much "work" to be in a relationship; she says "Why can't you just "go with the flow"", etc.

It all makes my Love Bank empty to near the zero level, but I know I still love her. I just don't know what to do when someone keeps treating a loved one in this manner. She's never done anything like this before. She tells me what a loving and caring person she is and yet she treats me like an old shoe. A couple of months ago she told me she might as well have a dog lying in bed next to her as me for all I do for her.

I was sick with depression and she cheated on me and rejected me. Now, she seems to be consumed by the high of her lover. I'm being told here that I should move back in ASAP and I guess I can do that soon. I know she won't be happy with that right now, but I suppose I can try it.

I want to at least walk away knowing that I have done everything humanly possible to save my 31-year marriage.

Take care.

Kim:

I went through this stage with my FWH.

I learned the hard way that my moves TOO EARLY out of PLAN B served to enable his A. He actually, at one point, fell more deeply "in love" with her..while he was having contact with me. What I did..what you are doing..is relieving the pain of his affair so that he can enjoy it more....it is cake-eating..The OW cannot meet all of his ENs..he feels needy..gets the extras from you...which enables him to go back to her....

SO DARKNESS is necessary and DARKNESS, I think, can bring an end to his A. If not, at least, you will find some peace. It's great for you that you have a supportive family that you can count on....

Hang in there..

This is the STANDARD WH Script..well, it fits with the role that I once played....

Jean - Hi! Next to add is a dog, huh?? Kittens are awesome.

Reborn - thanks for your post - will have to read up on your sitch!

Mimi - It's just so hard being in Plan B - and I am going on 7 months now. I am beginning to wonder if this is it. WH is not going to lift a finger to make me feel safe. I really think he is moving on.

SOOO, here's my question today. He sent up a note - he would like his dress black shoes & Tuxedo in the garage so he can pick them up after he drops DS off today. I cannot deny that I wonder what in the world he is doing. WHY does he needs this and WHO is he going to be with?

I still have his wedding ring from when he left it here. Should I put that with his stuff too? I don't really have a reason to hold onto it. But I guess if he wanted it he would have taken it with him. I just want to remind him he IS still married. I guess that didn't stop him before.........

What would you do??

D-Day Anniversary tomorrow. Yuk.

Kim

I know I should not do this, but I would also like to add a note - "Tomorrow, one year ago, I found out about your unfaithfulness to the promises we made to each other. You have been the most important man in my life. I believe in you WH, I believe that somewhere in you is the man that loves me and loves his family and wants to take the steps to put this all behind us. Kim"