Update... I went to court the other day for the child support. I will get a nice penny from him for that. More than I suspected. It will be retroed back from March. Alright!!! Anyway, I gave him the letter. I didn't have time to post it because I was having trouble with my internet.

When he read the letter he stood there for a moment looked down at the floor and started looking at the wall. He later sat down and crossed his legs and put his hands on his head.
When we sat down with the investigator he kept looking at me, but said nothing. I didn't let him know I saw him. This was after he read the letter.

After seeing him he looked so unhappy and if he has lost alot of weight. I wonder what he was feeling and what he was thinking. He didn't want to ride the elevator with me. He waited for the next one. Do you think the letter had an impact on him or was he just temporarily upset?

Here is the letter I gave him. What do you think?

Dear WH,

This is a difficult letter for me to write, one that I have been mentally working on for weeks now. I have written this letter with the true love that only a wife can have for a husband. Please read every word I have written, for it is from the heart.

I would like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I neglected your needs, and failed to give you what you needed many times. I'm sure this helped create a voice in our marriage that allowed your affair to happen. I have said this before, and I want to say it again: I want to do whatever I can to put our marriage back together in a mutually satisfying way. I feel that I have been learning ways to be the type of woman that I hope you would be proud to call your wife, as I have so many times felt pride in calling you my husband. I so want to be able to put the past behind us, and build a better life together for us and the children.

The past six months have been a difficult passage of time for me, the most emotionally traumatic in my life. We seemed to start recovery in the beginning, only to slip and fail again. I am still feeling the hurt and pain when you don't want me to know where you are, or when/if you'll be home. You have somehow misplaced your foundation of trust and respect. The pain and emptiness that I experience on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. My only saving grace is the thought of us being together and happy again some day. Unfortunately, I find now that is slowly being shattered as well. Before I lose that thought completely I must take some drastic steps.

WH,as you know I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. I simply cannot do this until you end your relationship with your *friend*. You must know and realize about the pain and suffering that I have endured because of your relationship with her.
I simply cannot endure this pain anymore and for that reason I cannot see you or speak to you as long as you are seeing her.

I now see that it is soon to drain my love for you. Until you can truthfully and honestly return home and work with me on rebuilding our marriage, I will be having no communication with you, except regarding the children, and I will avoid seeing you. This is not to punish you, it is to protect my feelings for you and our chances at reconciliation. If we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left.

I ask that you please respect my decision to handle things this way. Please feel free to call and set up visits to see the kids. When that time comes any communication between us will have to be through one of my family members of your choice or by mail. When you have made the choice of that family member, leave a message on my cell phone voicemail and I will text you their number for you to call.

As you already know I sought counsel on how to best protect the kids financially, specifically child support and to set that up.

Again I must say I want us to be a team, and restore our marriage together. I want you to know that no matter how bad the past was, no matter how ugly, we can get past it. With God's help, our true healing can begin. Look inside yourself and find the strength you will need to do this.

With saying that, again I want you to know how sorry I am about your mother. She was and still is a special person in my heart and I will always love her. I tried to show my love and support by being there that day. Even with all that happened I am glad I was there to show my love for you and her. She will be missed.

As for you, I want to grow old with you. I loved you more than life itself while we were together, and I continue to do so as I write this. When you find yourself ready and willing to truly and fully commit to our family, willing to work on a plan for our recovery, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future.

God be with you, my love.

Your loving wife,
me

I have a question. When I told everyone I was my WH's wife to his family that I haven't yet met did I expose the affair? The ow had the nerve to accompany him at the house after the burial of my mil. I didn't expose in a negative way I just introduced myself as his w.

Another thing, his father knew of the affair, but he didn't seem to stop. He and his father have a strange relationship where they talk about each other badly, but be around each other when my WH needs something. Maybe it will do nothing to the affair even though the rest of the family knows. Feedback is very much appreciated.

I have a question. In the past months, my WH only talked about just being there for his kids and how much he loves them blah blah blah! Now that I have given him the NC letter(the day we went to court for child support) and stating he can see his kids at a different location other than our home he has not called or anything. What is that all about? If they were the reason he was coming to the house, why would it be a problem for him to visiting them elsewhere? I thought that was what he wanted.

Blondie...

I find it difficult to respond to your posts. I figured out why...though my heart hurts for you, your present situation, I refrain because I read your questions as asking for knowledge no one can answer.

They are about your WH's state of mind...and I wince because I see you erasing yourself...what you think...believe...lost in his mind, his choices.

Your WH right now is a liar and a cheat. Why do you choose to believe him when he says what he does, about anything?

You chose a third-neutral place for visitation...why question his choice, or choose to believe that affects his choosing not to see the kids? You said he wasn't seeing the kids last year, either, before any papers had been filed or visitation discussed, and he was saying those same words.

Why does what you DJ he wants matter more than what you do?

Where is the important part...you...in your thread? You're taking action to protect your family, get support...yet you crave knowing his mind, his intent, his truth...more.

What I see.

You matter. You're important. Getting to why your life goes this way...getting to your own choices and beliefs...so you can change this pattern that continues to repeat in your life...that matters, too.

Please focus on you...look inside lovingly, tenderly, and with all the concern you're wasting on someone you never could nor will control.

Only you.

LA

Lovinganyway and all others,

I get what you are saying now. At first there were so many unaswered questions brewing in my head I was just writing them. I know I cannot control the actions or behaviors of my WH. He is deep in the fog I presume and probably will remain there until he decides to change it.

As for me, I am doing fine. I am in college and doing pretty well I might say. So far I have an A average in both my classes. I have been working, taking care of my kids, and mingling with friends who has been supportive. Also, I am about to attend a picnic my job is having and we are playing baseball. Haven't done that in years.

I had to realize that he is the one missing out. I have the kids that I see everyday who brings me such joy. HIS LOST!
I have been doing plan b now for a couple of weeks. I was hard at first, but now I am getting use to not hearing his voice and hearing all of the lies. It feels good!

You are right it is about me. I cannot expect my WH to do anything. I know affairs don't last and his is no exception. By removing myself from the equation, he has to deal with ow all the time and I am quite sure it's not all that. Just keep praying for me as I am for all of you.

I must say, I think plan b is starting to work. Yesterday my Wh called trying to talk about the child support payments. I know he was fishing for something to say because he didn't have anything else to come up with. I listened because it pertained to the children. He asked me to call him when I got my first payment because he wanted to make sure the state was sending it like they were suppose to. I said well ok and he continued to talk some more about the same topic then asked if he could come over to see the children.

After we hung up, I realized what he was requesting and asked him if he still had the letter I gave him. He said yes and I asked him to read it again. Of course he said yes to that. After talking with my FIL, I found out ow moved in with him and my wh because she had nowhere to go.

He now wants her to leave because he doesn't want her there for some reason. He states my wh is starting to get tired of the ow. My wh doesn't talk to her unless she says something to him and you can tell by his body language and the way he behaves he is getting tired of her. I also found out she does not have a job, but is relying on SSI. What a mess he has gotten himself into.

I have been doing so well maintaining without my wh being there and had gotten use to him being gone. Do I let him come over to our home to see the kids or have him visit them at a relatives house since I am in plan b?

I want to say thank you to all that listened to me ramble on for the last 6 months. I think it's time to leave this forum and forget about my wh (I hate to call him h)and the ow. I think the m is beyond repair and there is nothing left to save.

All of the djing he has done is too much for me to handle. It is hard for me not to do the same because it's hard to not say anything or try to be nice to someone who has NO regards to me, or the kids. I am tired of being treated like I am the ow while he gives her respect.

It starts to feel worst than a knife being plunged into your heart and twisted. That is too much pain. I hope he goes & file for a D to get it over with, if not within a reasonable amount of time I will do it. It has to end somewhere. Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers.