Ok - so another day further along the steps to recovery.

He did 'ok' at work.

Came home and it was still pouring and I had the kids almost ready for bed so we spent the night on the lounge watching tv. And I asked him to give me a back/neck massage (as Im SOOO sore from the gym! lol) and he gave me a great one for 40mins. Just wish it could have turned into more, but at least it was a nice massage - ya know.

Then I said 'ok, Im really tired now, thanks for that, Im going to bed.' and I slept right through until 7am this morning - now THAT is a first for I dont know how long. I have been waking at 3am or 4am since - well - since the 19th March I guess.

I got up and he was asleep on the lounge (his new bed! ) and I told him to go and get into our bed cause Im up now and have to get the kids ready for dancing. So he will probably sleep all morning whilst I teach - but that is fine.

I wanna tell him, without it sounding like 'i need to tell him' that the massage last night really helped me sleep, thankyou.

But I dont want it to look like I 'need' it. Does that make sense? Probably not hey.

We are going to a dress up 'back to the 60's' party tonight. The whole family are going. Hoping that it is a nice night.


I wanna think that we are 'stepping' forward but I just dont wanna get shattered again like I was a fortnight ago. So badly would I like to email Root and ask her if he's tried to contact her through work -but I wont. She'd most likely lie anyway, and I need to establish NC too - I realise that. Just wish I could 'know' what was/is going on in his mind. But this fortnight is to be 'about me' and I dont want it to look like Im bothered about what is going on in his mind.

Now that DOESN'T make sense! LOL!

Must go and shower and get ready to teach.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Has it really been 2 weeks since Ive been online - wow - time flies!

How are things.... Well.... They are ok....

No more contact with Root. Work is going ok - not great - he doesn't like it, but he's not well enough to look for a job elsewhere yet.

He still sees his psych every Monday morning and is now back there today (twice today) to see a psychatrist because we think the meds will be changed again.

Ive been doing alot of 'ME' time, joined a gym, went on a dancing weekend away, went to the theatre with some friends. It has been nice. And I have found that by 'not steering the ship' he is starting to 'want' me around.

It is very hard work though...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

He will often open up now and tell me what he has discussed with his counsellor, or how he is feeling today etc.

He is still sleeping on the lounge and we are still 'officially separated'. But he is starting to seek me out to kiss me goodbye and telling me how nice Im looking if Im going out etc. Today I was joking with him with this toy that I bought my son (a 'fart finger') and I said 'pull my finger' and his response was 'yes, I love you too!'. Now a weird way to say it I agree - but the first time he has mentioned those words in weeks/months. I dont quite know how to answer some of them -and I did some great RB the other day which threw him for six! It was funny! (guess you had to be there! LOL)


I have been doing alot ALOT of research on the web and I have a feeling he has 'borderline personality disorder' Many many many of the symptoms relate to him and it can be linked with post traumatic stress disorder - which is something we thought about re his seizure 18months ago.

Part of the thing with BPD is that it says 'unrealistic and very strong attachments with regard to relationships' and 'risky sex' and 'sexual promiscuity' etc etc. So they link in with the whole 'Root' behaviour.

Oh - he is also speaking of future - which scares me! Little things like I wanted to buy this CD the other day, it had great songs on it but was a bit expensive and he said 'no, buy it. It would be great for when we have a bbq, lots of people relate to those songs.'

Oh, I bought a helmet & we have been going on little rides together!

zuj

His baby steps are slow, but it sounds like he's pointed the right direction, for the most part.

Isn't it funny (was for me, too), how during the A you can hardly stand it that they don't/won't speak of the future, and then during recovery and they DO speak of it, you can hardly stand it? Contrary as all get-out, but it must be normal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good to hear from you, and glad you're getting your 'me time'.

Good to hear from you Zuj. Ditto Neak - glad you're finding time for yourself. TT

He is talking about us going away for a weekend! He is speaking of 'us' quite a bit! OMG! I am so scared!!

Hi Zuj. Hope your weekend away materialises into something meaningful. I'd be scared too. Hope the kids are all doing fine and life is getting back to normal(ish). TT

Your reaction is one of life's little ironies, but since I felt the same way it must be normal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

As hard as I know this w/b, don't be scared. Remember u and your family deserve t/b treated like royalty. When he starts to act like a royal pain the but, remember you don't deserve to be treated badly.....nope more like the good royals'. Are there any of them left? LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Have fun!

L.