Snr,

Please explain more of what happened today? How did your H see her and when? How did you find out he saw her? Did he tell you? I am so sorry, you must be a wreck. Please try and stay calm, we can help you if you want to talk.

SNR, Have you called her husband today and told him they were together. He can be your best help in breaking up this affair.

You need to also call his parents and her parents and tell them about the affair. They can also help you.

Hang in there, hunny. A lot of us are praying for you.

Her husband found an email of them talking about seeing each other today. I confronted him and he said yes. I freaked out. He doesn't know what to do. He is bringing up the past. I am yelling and I told him to leave. She is controlling him why can't he see that. He is still here, but he says he doesn't have the right to be happy. He doesn't have the right to love his kids. He said maybe he doesn't have the right to be here at all. I talked to her on the phone and she was a total ******. I don't know what to do.

please help. he seems out of it. i don't know what to do

ok, calm down- take a deep breath.

Quit screaming at him. I know you want to but you can't. Get a notebook and write it all down to get it out. Leave him with the kids and go get in your car and scream til you get it out.

He can not see it because he is in the fog. DO NOT talk to her again. She is also in the fog.

They are communicating by email still? SO the A is really not over. Was the email sent from his office computer or the house?

He is goinng by the ws script. I know that doesn't make it easier. Just do not lose cont

I know this feels like a lifetime, but you have not been in Plan A very long. Keep plan Aing him like crazy.

You really need to expose some more. I know OWS knows, but you need to tell your WS's parents and even OW's parents. I'm sure you know them if you are that good of friends.

Who else? Does he have other friends who have a functioning moral compass? Tell them, too.

You can do this.

Have you read the plan A thread by Pep in just found out? If not, do it now.

Have you told OWH to come here? Hopefully, he'll help you break them up. If he were here he could get encouragement as well.

hang in there

oh, another thing you can set boundries in plan A. Tell him that no contact is no longer an option- it is mandatory.

If he refuses to break contact with her, Plan B will be your next option.

his parents know, her parents know. it was email from work and they also met today.

his parents haven't kicked his a**?

ok, then you have to expose further. Who else is there that can help you save your marriage?

he seems out of it i have never seen him like this. he will just keep saying he ruined people's lives

Tell him you cannot talk to him right now, and need to think about things.

what if you go over to him and put your arms around him? will he let you hold him?

Have you made it clear to him that you are willing to go on with your marriage and make it stronger?

(((((((snr)))))))))))))

Just wanted to tell you that I had a 4 mo old that i was exclusively breastfeeding on d-day...i sunk into a terrible depression and went on zoloft 150mg, it was no problem with the bfing. I also stayed on it through my 4th preg although dropped to 100mg....my 4th just turned a year and i breastfed her exclusively, still am and I have been on zoloft the whole time with no problem....the anti-d saved me, please talk to your OB and get on something asap, it will help so much during this tragic time.

Blessings,
Glad

He is still here and he knows no contact has to be put into place. He doesn't know what to do he thinks he has caused too much damage. What do i do?

can you call the radio show? It is on right now- you can get streaming audio by clicking on the radio link at the top of the page.

Reassure him that too much damage has not been done.

Yes it hurts you. It is good he sees that no contact must be instigated.

Will he write the no contact letter that is talked about in the book?

What do you need from him? Men are fixers- I know he can't fix this all in one day, but what can he do right now to help you? Maybe it is the letter.

Call the show, honey. Dr Harley can help you know what to do next.

I have told him not too much damage has been done. He was with her yesterday and they did have sex. I am crushed. But today he did right the no contact letter. And we are trying to figure out how financially we can move and where we would go. Her husband came by today to pick up some of the things that belonged to them. He told me he has rage issues, and then he sent my husband an email that said "Wonder" and that is it. I am a little scared. He told me she has no one left that after she told her friends they all dumped her. That makes me really sad for her. My husband knows he is staying but he doesn't know what to do. He feels very alone. Help!

Hi SNR,

Yesterday was probably some type of good-bye and probably a boat load of guilt and shame. Believe it or not, they do feel that.

I'm glad you feel (as he does) that there is something to salvage. A relationship that has been through the test of an affair successfully is so much different than what you ever thought a relationship could be.

I would suggest that you two sit down and talk about WHY he had an affair. Discuss what made both of you unhappy in your relationship pre-A and how you would like it to be different. Tell each other what your idea of the "perfect relationship" would be like. That will kind of give you a road map of where to go. Neither one of you can make things better if you don't know what the other wants. Remember, communication is the key.

I think that should be your first priority. That is how my H and I handled it.

By the way, my FBF has no friends left either. She has created stories to make herself not look so bad to her parents,her ex-husband and the people she works with but there are too many holes. She doesn't come to any of the work functions where I might be. My H says she is too scared of me and too ashamed. As she should be! Unless the place where you live is very small, your FBF will lay low. She probably won't want to run into you our of fear and shame as well.

You are doing great! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

ellcee

I feel that she doesn't have anything else to loose, and I think she will continue to pursue my husband because she has nothing left. I talked to her on the phone yesterday and she was very rude to me, I basically felt she was telling me I needed to step aside. I think she has no moral convictions left.

(((SNR))) Is there a way you can call Steve Harley for an appointment? I think you can both talk to him in the phone call.

It sounds like you two are making progress since he wrote the letter and is looking at other options with you.

Of course she wants you to step aside. But you know what, she can not have what is yours. And don't let her have it.

I have not talked to my FBF. I always wanted to but hearing you, I'm glad I have not. You need to implement your own no contact with her. Do not accept her calls, do not call her, do not email her, block emails from her. In your own way, you have to do what your H is doing with her. Because she is manipulating you. As my H said to me, don't give her anymore than she has already taken.

No, she does not have any morals left. She didn't when she made the decision to cast you aside for what she wanted.

I still have not figured out how to meld the person that I thought my friend was with the person that would sleep with my husband. I have been able to look at how she manipulated me. Things she said about my H, things she thought I should do, how none of my decisions were right, etc, etc.

I sent two emails to her. One asking for my things that were at her house to be returned (she never did, they are still there) and one telling her how hurt I was and how their affair made me feel. She didn't respond to that one either. After that, no contact. Doesn't mean I don't think about her or the affair everyday.

If anyone can tell me how to stop that, I will be forever grateful.

Again, you are doing great. Keep it up!!

ellcee