SC & JL, I've incorporated your suggestions into my letter and I think it sounds pretty good. I've still got a little time to think about it and make some final changes.

I understand it is supposed to be a LOVE letter and would like her to know that I DO love her. I just don't want to come across as weak and needy. I know she will read this letter many times, since she has already told me she has done so with some of my more recent emails to her where I expressed my feelings about certain things.

SC, I have read many of your posts to others and I must say you have some great insight to provide as a FWW. You kind of remind me of Lexxxy. She has a way of really getting to how a WS feels and what they are going through. Her posts are extremely insightful and give the BS a tremendous glimpse into the WS fogged mind.

C42, yes the time is close at hand. I spoke to her mom today and she informed me that my WW has been pressured by her brothers to keep the lawyers out of it. My WW has responed by saying she is just using them to make it legal and is not asking for anything more. We shall see!

I told my MIL that my DS started crying last night when he asked me why his mom is always working late. I didn't know how to respond. My IL's will not accept her current work hours since they don't want to babysit for my WW while she works lengthy hours. It will get interesting when she leaves and I will be glad I don't have to deal with it any more.

I have already discussed with my MIL using her as my intermediary. She understands and has agreed to accomodate me for exchanging of our kids. This will be extremely helpful in reducing the amount of contact with my WW.

coachswife, she has repeatedly told me she will leave once the LSA is signed. I have sent in my financial statememt to my lawyer so I hope it happens within the next couple of weeks.

FNCJ, You know I don't mind you weighing in on this. What you say makes a lot of sense and it all sounds so familiar. Someone once told me that the WS's anger is proportional to the extent of their A. Just before I discovered my WW PA in October she was extremely angry and disrespectful to me. I had a gut feeling something was wrong and sure enough she was sneaking out on her lunch break with OM and rendesvouzing in a sleezy parking garage.

The anger is disrespect has softened considerably lately and I have a feeling her A is dying or in snooze mode. Whatever happens, she will never be able to bring OM into her life and have him accepted by my kids, her family, her work or anyone else. This all because of exposure. So hopefully any new BS reading this should understand that exposure is an EXTREMELY powerful tool than can inflict a mortal wound on sleezy affairs.

I understand now that a Plan B letter is necessary. I guess I was more questioning whether it would have any efect on my WS. And even if it doesn't, I know that Plan B is for me.

Hope,

The plan B letter will not affect her thinking one single bit. But, as things go on and the A ends which statistically it will, it will provide a road map back. At that point you both will have additional decisions to make.

Now do you see why it needs to be a love letter as well as stating conditions for speaking about your marriage?

God Bless,

JL

JL, you are one wise old MB'er and I mean that respectfully of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I guess I need to swallow my pride a little knowing she will initially think my letter is weak and needy.

I need to take my eyes of the speedometer and place them on the road ahead.

On a different note, my EN's (SF, affection, conversation, admiration) haven't been met in a very long time. It's been about 9 months since our last SF and I would consider it one of my top 2 EN's.

I don't think I will be able to do a lenghty Plan B without getting my EN's met. I feel like a dried up spounge that is ready to soak up every last droplet of water. I'm sure many BS understand of what I speak.

Personally, I'm worried I will not be able to resist having my EN's met by someone else who shows the least bit of interst in me.

I will not do a 2 year Plan B, it is simply to long for me to wait. 6 months....maybe 1 year at the most.

I'm curious to what others have done to satisfy the top EN's while in Plan B?

Hope,

If they do the plan B right, they develop other interests in life. They take up hobbies, do things they have wanted to do for a long time. They do stay away from the opposite gender for the obvious reasons.

Hope, plan B does not have a time length. At some point your W's affair will end and perhaps she will come back. But, perhaps one morning you will wake up and realize that you are well and truely done. If that happens and you wake up like that for perhaps a month, then you consider divorce.

Plan B while not designed for this actually prepares you for divorce because you have to go through withdrawal from your W just as she would have to from OM. Use plan B as an opportunity to broaden your life, prepare for things you want to do in the future, and generally build a life for yourself. But, as long as you are married, some needs should be neglected. However, I think you will find as you move into plan B and she is not in your life everyday, that some of your needs will rearrange abit.

Hang in there, you have done well.

God Bless,

JL

I can absolutely relate!!!

My WH finally agreed to move out. I think he will be leaving when he returns from his business trip. We (I) told the kids last Sunday we would be separating. He has agreed to leave for at least 3 months. I will probably wait a couple weeks before going into plan B.

Plan B is long over due for me. I have LOTS of plans. I plan to avoid situations that could lead me to poor choices...like going out and hanging at a bar. I have projects around the house (some I have already started on), I will reconnect w/ friends I have neglected over the years,(college roommates), I am starting golf lessons next week and I am planning outings w/ my kids and other family members that my WH never wanted to do.

I am looking forward to some peace. I know you are too. It will come...keep the faith!!!

JL, I have many plans once I begin my Plan B. My house has been neglected for the last year and I plan on doing some major renovations (i.e new floors, kitchen, paint, new kids bedroom sets). Although my M has been falling apart my investments recentely have done exceptionally well and if my WW doesn't find a way to take half of them it will allow me the freedom to do many things I couldn't do before.

I'm looking forward to doing things I was afraid to do because it would upset my W. I've had my motorcycle liscence for 15 years but didn't have the oppourtunity to buy one since I've been married. Now I have the time and will to buyu one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

C42,
I'm glad to hear your WH has finlly agreed to move out. You will certainly get some peace from this and I know by your posts you will be fine. Mel, has suggesting waiting a week or two after the WS leave before going into Plan B so it doesn't look like you are punishing them...good choice!

I can relate with reconnecting with friends and family. My WW has slowly withdrawn us from friends and family that we were close to. She seems to hold grudges against people and once you wrong her (even by accident) she starts distancing herself. I don't like that about her.

I love golf and I'm sure you will too! Let me warn you that it can become addictive so be prepared.

I haven't heard from Shattered for a while. I'm wondering how she is doing?

I've been wondering about her too...I just posted to call her out...did she ever respond to the last one?


Be careful on that motorcycle! Out here the traffic is so crazy...but with gas prices...maybe not such a bad idea. Just be careful, as a nurse I taken care of riders who were not so careful.

I just read an intersting comment by Dulce on Loni's thread. She asked if Plan B or a Plan B letter for that matter was appropriate if the A has ended?

Or what if it has ended but there is still contact with OM?

Regardless, I'm still sending the letter since I want her to know my boundaries. I just wanted to get those questions out there to see what others think.

Any comments...?

You want your WW to know EXACTLY what is necessary to have "you" back. It helps avoid "false recoveries" because it spells out your initial conditions....puts them out there.

Then, with God's grace, if she decides to "reconsider", she'll know that it can't be for any reason other than for "you".....she needs to fight for YOU!!!! And do whatever it takes to be blessed to have you, have HER back!!!

The Harley's have this stuff down pat!!
Good luck, good man!
MWIL

HTW,


I think you just answered your own question! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Stay Strong!

When its time for my plan B I will send a letter. I believe A is over but he is still not committed to M. I think it is a good idea to lay it all out there...this is what is expected, nothing less will be accepted!