I agree. Thanks for you continued support.

i wasnt frustrated.....what i meant was those would be YOUR excuses....lol

meaning the reasons why you were sounding like you were taking jabs at your wife...you were frustrated, you were using sarcastic humor.....you misread me.

i dont get frustrated on here and i dont post to people that i dont believe can be helped....ive got way too much on my own plate. i do think you want this fixed....i just think you want it fixed yesterday and to never be brought up again. that isnt gonna happen. this is now a part of your forever history and will be revisited at times for the rest of your life. dont get me wrong...she shouldnt wield it like a weapon, but it will allways be there. you believing that you were gonna come home and it was gonna be ok and not brought up is a fantasy. maybe she truely meant it when she said it but it really is impossible to do long term...will drive her insane.

listen....i really dont have time to coddle much and im a very suspicious person(wanna take guesses why????LOL) but i will try to give some praise here and there.....oh and by the way.....still waiting for you to answer my questions.....

congrats on the good night you had

Sorry,

Hey guy, just checking in on you. I'm hoping you haven't been in here because you are too busy reading and meeting EN's!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I just posted to your W, I like her.

Anway, whenever you've got a minute, let me know how you're doin', K?!

KJ

That is exactly what I have been doing. I took the EN questionnaire and my wife did too. We went over them together and talked about each one. I want to take it again with her again later in the future because right now she is not fulfilling certain EN but that is to be expected since she is still hurting and in the process of recovery. But at least now she knows what I need and can make an effort to do them. I will admit that she is already making an awesome effort since going over them . Well I gotta run I have some EN's to fulfill <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> . I will try to respond to the recent posts as soon as I get the chance. Thanks KJ for all your advice. You have been on the money with everything!!!

Iamsosorry, if you said this aloud to CO I wouldn't have blamed her from rolling the EN sheets into a cylinder and sticking them where the sun don't shine (on you).

Yes, it is part of Plan A for the BS to meet the needs of the wanderer but in your case (because you're both following MB) you need to be much more worried about meeting her ENs. In fact, that's all you should be worried about right now - making CO happy and comfortable.

Good grief, I still can't believe you wrote what you wrote above. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Still, I'm not giving out any 2x4s. I'm so pleased you're still posting and still doing your best. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

OUCH... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Just reading that hurt the ol'backside !

I guess that did sound a little selfish huh? I will take the hit on that one. I am not expecting my wife to fill my EN. I am more concerned right now with meeting hers because she is the one who deserves my 100% effort. She has enough to worry about just trying to get thru this so I am not looking for mine to be met . But I do want to applaud her because even though she is in no position to even want to fulfill my needs she actually is. WOW...she is one heck of a women! I can only hope to be as great to her as she has been with me these last 8 years.

Hey you ...guess what ?



I just bought "His needs Her needs" off ebay. Can't wait to receive it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Talk to ya later!



****nikko I will get back to you as well ...I haven't forgot about you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Just been bust with the EN lately!

KiwiJ,

I've gotten to know sorry quite well through this thread. I don't think he meant to sound like he did about his W not meeting his EN's. It's difficult to explain, but i know where he's coming from. See, as the WS's, we often times don't feel like we deserve to have any of our EN's met by our BS. So, when they do make an effort, it's such a gift that you're sort of dumb-struck. I believe what he meant was, (please correct me sorry, if I'm way off), that his wife is not yet meeting ALL of his EN's, but that he is encouraged because she has at least begun to meet SOME of them, because this shows she has decided to give their M a chance. Poor fellow is a lot like me in the way he expresses himself (sorry, sorry!), and that is he sometimes comes across as sounding very selfish and preachy. Please forgive us, we're all human, and some of us don't have the gift of email expression as others do (like Plank, Uzzah, Just Learning, Stillwed, etc.). Hope this helps make peace. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

KJ

KJ, I think my 18 month A qualifies me as a WS, a Former one anyway. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> What you said made me smile.

Sosorry, you're doing fine.

KJ, no peace needs to be made either. When you get to know me a bit better you'll realise I have a well developed sense of humour. I'd rather get through by humour and understanding than by whacking people around.

If I was giving Sosorry a real 2x4 he'd know all about it. That's what Nikko meant as well.

Just checking in before H and I paint 7 yo dd's room tonight...good bonding time for us! She has to sleep w/ 3 and 5 yo sisters, but she will be excited in the morning to see her new and improved room! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am just beaming for you and CO at the leaps you have made these last couple days. I truly believe doing the EN's and diligently working on them and to this day 3 years later keeping them at the front of our minds was a very large percentage of our success. Way to go Sorry and CO!!!!!!!!

I am so pleased that although the pain will still continue to burn very real for a time, there is much healing and hope going on over there.

This kind of progress is just what you two both need to weather the ups and downs as they will continue to come through this process. Someone indicated either on this thread or another that really it is about 2 full years to get to a place where it doesn't seem to be felt by either party on a regular basis and instead it is fully healed. I agree with that, although I felt good by about 1 yr out...but felt even better at 2 yrs out. And as our 3rd yr approaches in July, I am betting that the date will come and go without me even remembering! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keep up the good work, I am proud of you both. And if there is a downward dip, I am still proud of you both. Downward dips will be part of the process. Keep it real with us and we will be right here by your side.

Off to paint that room!
Blessings,
Glad

You are dead on ...as usual.
That is a scary thought... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> (just kidding)

Well today was a pretty good day. I cooked my wife breakfast. This is a tradition I have started about a month ago. I want every Saturday to be her day to sleep in. I wake up and care for the kids and when she wakes breakfast is waiting. After breakfast we filled out our EN papers. I learned that I need to work on Admiration, Financial Support, Honesty/Openness, Conversation. I did pretty good on the others. Even out of the above four only one of them was in the negative side of the rating. The only negative one was Honesty/Openness. The other four were on the positive side but I want to get them up to the higher rating. I also now know what her top five needs are. Thank you KariJean for everything you have done to help make me a better husband for my wife. That was the ultimate goal when I joined MB. I have learned so much about myself and my wife . Where the heck were you the last six months! Well I can at least be happy to know you are here now and as long as I continue to listen to your guidance and remain faithful and honest to my wife things will be o-kay. I feel very confident we will get thru this. I think we could be so much farther along if I would have done this recovery period right the first two times. I put my wife thru so much unnecessary pain. I owe her the world. I owe you big time as well because I am so happy with myself for the way I am handling things this time around and a lot of the credit goes to you. I think it would be nice of you to share some of your credit with me for taking what you tell me and applying it to myself and my marriage , right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Well my wife just shut off the T.V and asked me to go to bed so I guess I better jet. Talk to ya tomorrow!

congrats on getting the en questions done. that is a big step. that is your map to happiness in a lot of ways. but please also keep in mind in your newfound uphoria...its called the rollercoaster for a reason.....she is gonna dip low again. prepare for it, know it is also normal, and know it will go up again....then down...then up....lol

ok---im gonna be the not liked person again and that is ok but i also want to point out something thats buggin me. kiwi jump in if ya want....

i know kiwi told you im very different than the impression you have gotten here from me. there is a reason for it. you are looking for me to bolster you and pump you up so to speak, praise, admiration etc for the things you are doing. believe me i get that.....you also need to know that with my boundries i DO NOT do that for any other man other than my hubby. i do not give admiration to other men easily. i do not bolster their self esteeme for a reason guys.....i am getting the willies from you and kari jean. i think there is too much bantering and bolstering going on and way to much familiarity going on. you guys are both newly outed, hopefully former ws's. how does this help with your boundries?

if i came on here and saw my fwh making and receiving posts like this...talking for each other, answering for him and the banter.....i would be very uncomfortable. you guys need to think about this before you both jump on me and shoot this down. i am trying to help and i think you are getting dangerously close to blurring the lines......

ok----let the lynching begin......LOL(and dont worry, i have very thick skin.....)

What is this a rallying of the troops!

____________________________________________________________________

Hey MB's...

I just wanted to say my wife told me to keep doing what I am doing. She has noticed a change in my effort to accommodate her feelings toward me. She also told me I am doing everything perfect and that it is her who will have to learn to love and accept the things I am saying and doing. "Don't stop"...she said. I don't plan to so keep the advice and comments coming.


I'm sorry Nikko but I have a hard time accepting your opinions. I don't think I can take what you say with an open mind. It seems you and I have been on two different pages from the start. I am not saying you are to blame for this but I think your approach to the situation is not in the way I want/can receive it. I know you truly want to help but I can't seem to open up to you. I just thought it would be selfish(one of my biggest faults) of me not to let you know, since your time can be better spent helping someone who can open up and accept what you are trying to tell them. I am very thankful for the time you took to help my wife and I . I really do appreciate your concern for our marriage. I just wanted to let you know so you can make your own judgment to how and where you want to spend you time on MBs .

no problem......good luck.

Well, if it'll make you feel better, here I go, protecting my weaknesses!

Sorry, I like you a lot. Even if you were a woman, I'd like you a lot. But you are a man. So let me set something straight with you. I am a woman who wants to remain married. I do not want to have an A with you, or anyone else, ever again! I am going to copy and paste this post to your W, so she knows this as well.

Nikko, your post was your honest opinion, I can appreciate that. Might I recommend that in the future, you get to know people before making such a harsh judgement about them. I talk to sorry and CO (his W) in equal time. I am their #1 fan for recovery in their M. Sorry is a FWS, so am I. On this forum, it has been difficult for me to find other FWS's to whom I can relate to as a person, not just sharing our title.

No need to lynch you here! I'm gonna cut and paste now, thanks.

KJ

Never mind - what I said wasn't important.

Well I guess that makes two of us! I never even took your words in such a matter. I too want to remain married to my wife. I don't think anyone could ever love me more than my wife. I owe my wife so much for sticking by me and trying to recover from the crap I put her thru. I hate what I did. I don't want to ever hurt her like that again. This has been the hardest thing to deal with in my life. Why the heck would I want to go thru this again! If I ever have another A again my wife will leave me and I will lose out on many precious moments with my children.
WOW...I thought I was here to get help and guidance. Now I feel like I am being judged and accused for nothing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

All I know is I need help to get thru this. And I have really been benefiting from your assistance KJ. Just for the record and all other MB's... my wife supports your position to help me thru this!!!

You are NOT being judged. You are being given a heads up that emotions can run very high around here and people can become very close. I am very close to the Idiots, they are my friends. I e-mail them and I talk with some of them on the phone but I also got far too close to a male MBer (a BS), which is what I mentioned in the post I deleted. It stalled my recovery and was NOT A GOOD THING.