linda----i am married to the king of passive aggresives...sorry aint foolin me. i know all the tricks and ways of diverting attention....lol

sorry----your wife has a huge decision to make...stay or go. YOU also have a huge decision to make....open up for real or stop wasting our time. there is no quick fix....allow me to repeat...there is no quick fix! there is only a future where this will always be a part of your past. that was the result of your choices. now the two of you can wake the he// up and start dealing with that or you can divorce and move on. either way, BOTH...LET ME REPEAT....BOTH of you need to choose!

the future where this is part of the past sounds bleak....but it really isnt, as long as both of you start working together to change.....

She is very, very, very p*ssed at you. Put yourself in her shoes. How incredibly angry and hurt would you be at CO if she had done this to you? Let her get the poison out. It will be unpleasant now, but you'll be SO much better off if you let her release her anger.
My husband never liked for me to be angry, so I learned how to hold it in to please him. But, boy oh boy, when it finally came out...well, lets just say it wasn't pretty. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
Even though this is rough, you DON'T want the anger to come out several years from now after its had time to fester!!

Nikko go look at this thread underr General questions II

. Re: How to stop LBing when H does the same thing over and over again??

If you are married to the king we are related by marriage - I am married to the emperor - lol

Linda

ok---took me awhile to find the thread...its on emotional needs, right? lol(looked all over GQII..lol) yup...passive aggressiveness at its finest.....but those guys are weanlings compared to my hubby....lol

we had some really great threads on here about it...did you ever look them up? you should...

i guess you and i will post to each other until sorry gets with the program...lol

Well, he still thinks he is in charge of CO's recovery and if she would just get with his program - all would be right with the world.

I cannot believe he thinks all he has to do is guide her and treat her like he is her daddy - hmmm from her being his mommy with benefits to now he is her daddy with benefits - yuk - makes me feel queasy. I guess we wait until he runs into a wall - oh well some of them have to .....

I have read some of the threads and last night C and P the Letter to the Special OW - talk about a classic - loved it.

Linda

Hey everybody...Whats up !
I had to take a break from the boards for a day or two to get things right with my wife. She really hit a low spot earlier in the week. Two nights ago I asked her on a scale of 1-10 where did I stand on the divorce score. She told me an 8. I was shocked. I went from doing everything right and perfect to practically getting divorced. I was better off when I didn't answer her questions. Now that I answer them she thiks all my answers are lies. That is what is bothering her. She says that when she asks me questions she thinks I am lying to prevent hurting her. I told her not every answer is gonna hurt. She thinks the worst of everything and when ever I give her an answer and it is not what she was thinking she thinks I an lying. Well to make a long story short I just hung in there and kept doing my part because a "Wise MB" once told me to : "Believe none of what she says and only 50% of what she does" You see I AM learning! I kept telling myself that many times the last few days. I said it lots of times before but I will say it again... I am a slow learner BUT I AM learning <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Yesterday was a pretty good day. The highlight of yesterday was I put a movie on for our girls and asked my wife if she wanted to go upstairs and do something together...play a game...talk about things that need to be done around the house...read the bible, and she said lets just go up stairs and talk about anything but the A. I must say that was a very good time. I had her laughing , we joked with each other and talked about everyday things. It was nice! So thats my update for the moment. I have a huge surprise planed for her today...I know you guys will read about it on her post tonight or tomorrow because she is gonna be SHOCKED <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> !!! So stay tuned ladies and gentleman!




Alright ...alright just relax you two! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I need you guys to accept something from me and not think of it as being passive aggressive. I am ready but not ready to open up and "unroll this ball of thorns" . I want to open up but not on here. That seems to be my next step toward my part of recovering from the A. I think it is too difficult to write and express on message boards. Words can be interpreted and received incorrectly. I know you guys are only trying to help and I know it is what needs to be done so to take that next step that you two think I need to work on I took the initiative to call the insurance company and get a list of MC and cross reference them to the list my pastor preferred and I found a local lady that I have been trying to contact for the last 3 days now. Well she got back to me today and I set up an appt, with her for May 24. I told her it would just be me and that my wife MAY choose to see her as well but as an individual session until we are ready to come together and have sessions together. I hope I don't offend you Nikko /silverpool but I think a counseling environment will better suit me and I will feel more comfortable to speak openly, Hope you understand. I think you will since "unrolling the ball of thorns" will be the objective of my Individual counseling. I will promise to keep you all up to date on how those sessions go. I would still like your feedback as far as things I should let the Dr. know I should focus on because I know me I will go there and avoid the "me" stuff and not establish anything beneficial to help me. Or maybe I won't ...maybe the Dr will see right through that and get right to the point. Either way I ask everyone to continue supporting me and guiding me as far as my everyday life and things I should be doing for my marriage and hopefully the Dr will take care of the "me" problems. Thanks again for everything! I am very thankful to have MB friends who want my marriage to work out just as much as I do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Very nice post to read Sorry!

You are both doing well and hanging in there on this journey.

I am so pleased that you are FINALLY pursuing the counseling! And it is a wonderful idea for you to both see her individually until you and the IC feel the time is right to come together for MC. Great plan.

I fully and completely respect you "unraveling your ball of thorns" in the privacy of the IC and not on here. As long as you are unraveling it somewhere! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I see that you really are learning more and beginning to really understand what you are learning from this experience.

Keep growing.
Blessings,
Glad

Sorry,

Check out MattDE's thread "New to this board" on In Recovery. It might be of interest to you.

Glad

a professional counselor versus us????? and you think we'll be offended....if anyone is i would strongly suggest NOT speaking to that poster...lol

i also strongly suggest the first thing outta your mouth at that session after "nice to meet you" should be....I AM A CONFLICT AVOIDING, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THAT LIKES TO BE IN CONTROL......lol that outta give her everything she needs to deal with you. lol

gotta ask...how come a woman counselor???? i would also mention you are prone to expect outside praise from women other than your wife to validate you....lol

i am only half joking about this....you really should tell the counselor these things from the get go....that is if you are serious....

Hey that way a low blow! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> LOL!

OUCH...another low blow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Well my insurance gave me a list of 50 counselors and my pastor had given my W and I a list with two in mind that her really preferred because he has got great feedback from other members of the church about these two counselors in particular. One was a guy and the other was a women. Anyways when I cross referenced his list to the insurance list the guy wasn't covered under the network but the women was , so thats how I ended up with a female counselor.

I am learning so much about myself... I was not a very good husband pre A(even though my wife says she was happy), during or after! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


I will check it out...Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

does this sound familiar....


"I would still like your feedback as far as things I should let the Dr. know I should focus on because I know me I will go there and avoid the "me" stuff and not establish anything beneficial to help me. Or maybe I won't ...maybe the Dr will see right through that and get right to the point."

just trying to help!!!!!!LOL

seriously----dont do that...it may be a breaking point for your wife...it will prove to her once again you were lying. saying you were going to get help and then not following through.....i know its tough, im not saying its easy...but you can do it.

Nikko--

I think you are really starting to warm up to Sorry! That was downright compassionate and encouraging! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am so glad you have stuck in here with Sorry.

Blessings,
Glad

now dont go ruining my reputation.....lol

I think you misunderstood my post, I said, "I would still like your feedback as far as things I should let the Dr. know I should focus on because I know me I will go there and avoid the "me" stuff and not establish anything beneficial to help me. Or maybe I won't ...maybe the Dr will see right through that and get right to the point." When I wrote "or maybe I won't" , I was referring to me going there and avoiding the "me" stuff. I said I would go there and avoid the me stuff and not get anything out of it but then I was thinking how I have learned so much from this site and I don't think I will go there and avoid the "me" stuff, because that is something I would have done in the past , but not anymore thanks to you guys opening my eyes and teaching me so much about myself. So the "maybe I won't" simply means I am not gonna go there and skate around the "me" stuff. I am going to the MC 100% no if, ands or buts about it! This isn't to prove anything to my wife either. I want to go for me. I don't have to worry about my wife thinking I am telling another lie because I am going so I can learn how to be a better person and learn what I need to know about myself to be sure nothing like what I did ever happens again! Have a good night I will not be on till tomorrow MBs(if I have time , lots to do tomorrow). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I thought it was getting hot in here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

That's not Nikko - that is an accumulation of hot air we have been listening to for so long


Linda

then there should be no maybe's about it. it should read....i am gonna march in there and unravel myself....however if you posted that i wouldn't have believed it. you were being honest with what you said and i dont think i misunderstood it. and thats fine....what your gonna do is hard and scarey. opening up to a stranger the things you havent even shared with your wife. or havent until lately. dont backpeddle. take the encouragment and people calling you on it and gain strength from it.:)

have you looked at the articles on here about finding a pro-marriage marriage counselor? you really should.....you would be surprised at how many actually arent interested in saving the marriage.....its scarey.

What's this?! I thought I was your only hottie!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, just couldn't pass this one up!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

KJ

So.....whats new?

Tell us all about the tatoo!

Glad