Do I remember you… <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I was actually thinking of you above but didn’t mention your name…. YOU my friend KNOW what you meant to me when I first came here…YOU are the reason I didn’t jump off a bridge!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> [/quote]


I agree… I just said the same thing to JL above….it’s not me…. )although I did my fair share of yelling about MY situation back then!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ) I’m going through a LOT right now… and I can’t stand the WAY people here talk about WSs YOU should understand that!! Imagine… if we told YOUR husband OVER AND OVER using words like SCREWING…. To leave you…….to make you ACCOUNTABLE for your actions...THAT is what they do now…….and I wouldn’t have stood for it then and I won’t now… if they ONLY KNEW how much Dazed loved his W and how much it hurts him to think of her “screwing” another man… they wouldn’t EVER say it… AND.....it’s not relevant… you know that!!!



I agree of COURSE….. But I NEVER told DAZED not to get a RO to protect his DD in fact EVERY DAY I tell him again to do it… But… he does know best….WW..s lie and he knows parts of the CRAZY OM STORIES are lies she WANTED to stay over so OM slept by the door and wouldn‘t let her leave…….and all I ever did was keep the wolves away when SH told him to stay in Plan “A”

EVERYONE is intitled to their opinion…NOW…. Where I get angry is there is no place here for people that WEAKEN us… we need to be STRENGTENED to be able to deal with this…..And I CAN NOT stand back and let ANYONE call MY FRIEND”S WIFE A HOAR!! It ain’t right… and again…her sleeping with OM is NOT RELEVANT…..AT ALL….. Unless DAZED married and wanted a virgin it really doesn’t matter…..does it??



No one… that’s what I’ve been saying…and I think I proved my point.. That all this anger helps no one….and at least they are wasting their time over here instead of bashing elsewhere…. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


And I have always thought highly of you and I have always admired your courage to come here to help as a WS… but I wonder what type of welcome you’d get NOW on THIS board…. Unless you’re a ROCK like LEXXY it would be hard… and I know you came here a little shaky….. I WOULD HAVE JUMPED OFF THAT BRIDGE BECAUSE YOU’D HAVE BEEN SCARED OFF!!



Yes… you’re right… I’m done here…. I promised LOSTVA I would get off this bandwagon of trying to make MB the “way it was” It’s impossible….. It’s like trying to make America “the way it was” because this board is just a microcosm of the world in general….. Going to the wolves……

Love Ya Cheryl….. Thanks for keeping me from jumping off the emotional bridge this time…. FRANK

Nice job semolina <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

PH,

Please know that I do think you can and should be a big help here. I have not changed my mind.

I do think it is time the hostilities cease. There are a lot of people in need of someone to talk with, and help them find the information they need.

I also understand that sometimes we/i can get frustrated with a poster because we really really don't want them to get hurt, and yet to us it seems as if they don't see what is coming. Sometimes they don't and our fears are well founded, sometimes they actually do, and they do something great.

If I look back on these posts and the posts to Dazed, there is one constant theme from all of you. You ALL want him to survive this and have a good and happy life. I think it is a testament to you all that you care so much and feel his pain so much. I believe that is why things have gotten to the level they have.

It is a good thing that you all care so much for others, don't you realize this? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You just have to remember people posting to Dazed and others want the pain to stop. They see the same thing as you, they just see a different path as being best. It is normal, it is healthy, and it should continue.

I am a huge supporter of the Harley approach to things because it is sooo pragmatic. The difficult part of this approach or any approach is "timing", when do you transistion from plan A to plan B,from plan B to plan D? How do we know it is time to forgive? How does know if one is a WS or BS that they can trust again?

So many questions of timing and that is the hard part, isn't it?

So please consider that all of you want and wanted to help Dazed. It is great to offer him advice, even conflicting advice, because ultimately he has to make his own decisions.

Ok Truce??? I hope so. You all are good people.

God Bless,

JL

and again…her sleeping with OM is NOT RELEVANT…..AT ALL….. Unless DAZED married and wanted a virgin it really doesn’t matter…..does it??

Now that is a strange attitude on an infidelity site???????

my dearest smolina...

I consider it an HONOR to be placed among such as lemon...and thanks for the grouping of us together~

although I think your beliefs are bunk, you are entitled to your opinions.

As a proud DIVORCED mb'er, I can say that I am free of being married to a serial cheater with NO CONSCIENCE...totally removed from his soul...a person who was abusive to me, and is abusive to his affair wife now. A man who does not "GET IT" ever. plus, he has been characterized by counselors and the two ministers we saw as possibly a sociopath and narcissist. Wow~ I should have continued to fight for that marriage? I fought and did MB well...quite well...and a plan A far too long now I am on other side.

WHAT I DO KNOW NOW: NOT ALL MARRIAGES RECOVER NOR SHOULD THEY. Even harleys know that one. Some can't make it. I was not willing to stay married to a person who was a habitual liar, abusive in the end after the d days, and a pervasive cheater...dare to say, I DESERVED MORE. There are sadly some people who HIDE SEVERE DYSFUNCTION for years...and only after time peels away their glib layers, can you see the real person who is there...

that is what happened to me.

my xh almost broke his w's jaw last summer. he has NO CONSCIENCE about it. or the cheating...or the mental abuse.

I stay on my toes for my son. Know it's a matter of time that all his money in the world will NOT MATTER IF HE CRACKS..and I will be ther for my child to go for PRIMARTY CUSTODY. everybody who knows me knows this. Sadly, my xh also has quite a bit of material wealth and that has hid a multitude of his sins.

but YOUR STATEMENTS ARE BUNK. PURE BUNK.

We are here, lem and myself and some others, to show some light. To show you can indeed survive divorce and still be MB positive and still be a success. DIVORCE DOES NOT EQUAL FAILURE. I would CONSIDER MYSELF A FAILURE IF I STAYED MARRIED TO MY XH.

Now? about me now?

Hmmmm.

I officially have a BOYFRIEND..yea, serious one! (applause please)...it is my college xbf. Very moral and good guy, He's also well educated (much more than I) and somebody who I'd be proud to give the label stepfather or dad to. He's not afraid to fight for what he believes in, and is in the legal profession incidentally <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He is now reading HnHN. We're on the way to making things more solidified...it may take a year though. But the biggie M word is surfacing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

In my new relationship, I use MB principles daily. We have an awesome relationship abnd it will grow. For my ds, I use many of the principles. And still knowing the characteristics/issues and ways that a WS behaves is key for my contnued dealings with my xh when they have to occur.

I am a SUCCESS...

MOLINA...YOU DO NOT HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO LABEL ANYBODY HERE A MB FAILURE. SO GET IT STRAIGHT.

I AM A SUCCESS. I AM A SUCCESS.

A DARN TOOTIN' SUCCESS. From homemaker with little friends in an abusive and sad marriage to professional, dynamic and more than loving single mom who goes to bat for her child each day and was dealt financial suicide by my xh during the divorce only to prod ahead and make a success in my career overcoming his financial blows.

GO JUDGE SOMEBODY ELSE. I AM HEALTHY...I AM HAPPY..I AM MOVING ON...AND I CARE FOR FRIENDS HERE.

AND BTW? MY NAME IS JUST PEACHY.

YOU EVEN GOT THAT PART WRONG DEARIE.

Frank,

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now. (((Frank)))

Lately my mantra has been to listen to JL, and I'm going to say it again. Listen to him... listen to Lostva... listen to me, even, if'n ya want <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />...

I still think highly of you, Frank. I know you're a good guy. This thread... and what's come out of it... isn't good for anyone.

And I agree that had I been coming to MB right now... as a newbie... I probably would have been run off. I scare fairly easily, you know... and I'm overly-sensitive. I know this about myself. And my (now)ex-H would NEVER have stuck around, either.

Though... you know... it's NOT the strong personalities that would have pushed us away ... they were around always... the people you mentioned: Lostva, Sheba, K... they (were) are a strong bunch... single-minded in their desire to save their marriages... stubborn, too.. and shining examples (IMHO) of the MB philosophy...

No... it's the arguing and name-calling that would have pushed me away ... but then, I'm a conflict avoider. I'm not good at conflict... and I don't like it.

Oh well... just wanted you to know I care... about you, Frank, and also about this site and the people who are hurting here.

Respect.

I respect EVERYONE here. Even someone brand new who doesn't yet fully understand the principles.

We all have our own experiences. And those experiences most definetly flavor what we have to say to another. And they should!

We should CELEBRATE the differences -- ADMIRE the courage we've all had in our own walks. Because we are all here to HELP.

None of us have the right to JUDGE the value of anothers advice. Nor should we JUDGE the way it is delivered.

Sometimes harsh words are needed to break through the fog.
(BS's included, they can be fogged in denial!)
Sometimes kindness, empathy, and a hug are what we need.

What we should NOT do is attack another poster who is merely expressing THEIR OPINION of a situation or how to handle it. If someone is off-base, say so -- don't ridicule them or be sarcastic!

And lets have enough RESPECT for the person IN the situation to be smart enough to take this information and use it how they see best. I think its really disrespectful for any of us to tell someone who to NOT listen to. As if they are not smart enough to diseminate this information on their own!

ENOUGH US ENOUGH!!!!!

WE ARE HERE FOR HELP WITH OUR MARRIAGES AND TO HELP OTHERS GET THROUGH THEIR PAIN.

THESE KINDS OF THREADS ARE HURTFUL..

PLEASE STOP!!

PLEASE DELETE YOUR THREAD, THEY ARE RUINING MB'S ABILITY TO HELP PEOPLE WHO REALLY NEED IT. I AM EMBARRASED <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> AND APOLOGIZE FOR ALL OF YOU..

THANK YOU

When are people gonna get it? part of the process is to HEAR ALL SIDES to a story. Hear all possible solutions..whether continue A or resort to B. Depends on WHAT IS UNIQUE TO YOUR SITCH AND WHAT IS NEEDED.

I am sick of hearing and seeing the bashing that goes on when somebody suggests one certain plan and somebody gets on here and slaps down that poster saying they're wrong.

And on a site where SOME OF THE WOMEN HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED BY WS/GUYS emotionally, PLEASE MEN, WHEN YOU POST TO THE LADIES, BE GENTLEMEN.

let's all treat each other just with dignity and respect.

That means agreeing to disagree.

I will never take back my thoughts or my suggestions I have made to somebody. but I am not gonna nail to a wall somebody else and make them feel less than a human for suggesting something different than what I believe...again, without coddling. I don't coddle. I learned that doesn't do a whole lot of good..for me or for somebody else.

some people here will take action. some will stay in a comfort zone and do no more. it is the same with all things...at work,

Just imagine if you have cancer. You go to a practice. One doc says he only believes that chemo is the way to go. so you take chemo for six months. the cancer is clearing up, but it's NOT GOING AWAY. You want to consider getting radiation therapy now...but the doc screams at you saying that CHEMO IS THE WAY ONLY TO GO AND HE THINKS RADIATION IS A DEATH SENTENCE...wow! what does the poor person do? they stay immobile. frozen if you will.

and then the person sees another doc. that doc says that they've done too much chemo, and that it's time to try something new. the poor patient is by now sooo confused they don't do anything.

that's what is happening here. where are the questioning minds? where are those to delve in and ask the tough stuff? like IS PLAN A REALLY WORKING? IS B WORKING? WHAT IS DIRECTLY THE RESULT OF YOUR APPLYING THE BEHAVIOR/MODELS? what has changed? what has NOT changed...is the positive change MINISCULE OR HUGE.

AND FINALLY...WHAT IS THE PAYOFF FROM BEING FROZEN AND UNABLE TO MAKE A CHOICE OR DECISION.

I will never be afraid to speak my mind. I will not be afraid to tell somebody my thoughts. But I shall be DAMNED if I spend my precious time posting to somebody my thoughts and my concerns and my recomendations if they are only going to discount anything I say and then send in somebody to bolster their opinion to continue to stay their risky course.

my time is too valuable.

can we NOT figure out a way to present our ideas and do so in a concise and thoughtful manner? PRESENT THE THINGS WE HAVE SEEN WORK OR NOT WORK DIRECTLY? And when we see serious warning signs in a WS actions/behaviors, post the concerns and give timely suggestions on how to deal with it.

Everyone,

I am reminded of the oft used legal quote:

Criminal trials bring out the best in the worst of us. Divorce trials bring out the worst in the best of us

Well..........uhmm..on second thought.....I'll take one for the team here and let this one go....

I've got a question. Does anyone here read any other posts but those they are arguing with? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> You are all fools if you think this stuff is about YOU.

JL

*hear hear*

JL, right on, as usual

Hey Now! I know all threads are all about me. Everything is ALL about me, no? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />