50/50 would be great. That's what I want. I live near her and there is no reason why it should be kept from me.

There is no formal custody or visitation agreement. I did, however, sign over physical custody of the kids. This was done because I was transitioning out of the military and didn't have a place of my own for the kids to be in. She's been in WV with her parents right now, and is now moving to MD, close to the house I got.

Also, she admitted to me that she was sexually abused by a family member AFTER our divorce. This made a lot of things very clear to me when she told me this. Her depression, anxiety attacks, distrust of others, constant need for reassurance, insecurity, current behavior on the internet, and constant "phantom" illnesses are indicative of an untreated issue. I stood by her all these years through these things, but didn't understand where they stemmed from.
I do now.

She walked away from a marriage that was by all accounts normal. Her greatest complaint about me was her relationship with my mother. Very few complaints about me. She complains that I wasn't romantic enough or didn't encourage her enough when she was going through her depression. Both are not true. I could have been more romantic, sure, but what man couldn't. Not a day went by that I didn't tell her I loved her and I constantly told her I thought she looked good or was sexy.

Another thing I have in my favor is that she stopped taking anti-depressants without consulting a doctor.

I've been keeping a log of how often I call and she's out and is leaving the kids with someone else or with me. She has no problem leaving them with me to go shopping or on dates and I hope she continues to do so so that I can establish a good pattern of taking care of the kids myself and she can not accuse me of being unfit in any way.

I'm setting up my house very soon and the kid's rooms are goign to be first on the list of things to do. I will have their rooms setup and ready ASAP so she can't deny me weekend overnights with the kids.

As far as CS goes, I've used the online calcultors and have discussed it with lawyers. She doesn't believe me when I give her the amount and complains that it is too little. I had a lawyer confirm the amount for me, and it is based on paying the nanny for child care.

I need to clarify something I said earlier. She told me she had been molested by a family member when she was 11. She did this 3 weeks AFTER our divorce.

I'm full of mixed emotions. I have a place of my own, a good job, and a setup that the kids can now enjoy. I have a room for each of them in a nice house and I had them over for the night last night. I loved having them there. If I could have them over all the time I'd be very happy.

Now I find myself torn inside, though. I am going to see a lawyer tomorrow about forging a custody agreement with my ex. I don't want to end up in court and hope we can agree on some things, but I don't see her doing so.

I want 50/50 custody. I believe I'm as much a parent to those kids as she is and should be as big a part of their lives as possible. She wants me to just do things her way. I believe she's going to be shocked at how much I'm willing to fight for the right to be with my kids as much as her.

It is tough to decide what to do. We seem to have a decent, courteous relationship lately, but she turns into a monster the second I ask for anything that would be favorable to me. For example, I asked if I could have the kids an extra night tonight since I haven't had them over to sleep in months. She said no. No reason other than the fact that she wants them now because she won't see them this weekend while I have them.

My kids had a good time at my place. My daughter especially spent time finger painting, hugging me, and enjoying time playing at my house. My boys had a good time in their new room playing with blocks.

I sat back today and watched them play from a distance. My heart was breaking inside knowing I had to take them back tonight. I cried as I watched.

Why has she chosen this path? One year ago we were happy in England enjoying the 4th of July carnival and fireworks. I felt strong about our marriage and where it was going. She's in the fog, but not in the context of our marriage. If I try for a favorable custody arrangement, I'm afraid the damage done will be irreparable.

I see what she's doing online and it breaks my heart. I don't understand why she chooses these guys that are total losers to spend her time with. She's happy acting single again, yet I dread every day because of the loss of my kids as a presence in my life.

I want her to feel what it is like to not have them in her life so she can have a taste of what I go through every day.

I need to find a divorce support group and a father's support group. This is tearing me up every day.

I start working next week, though, which should help.

This isn't about you or the marriage... she's needs to find whatever she's looking for... that she probably already had and can have.

I believe custody 50% is fair. Go for it, fight for it.

How about your in law's? How do they see all this?
How to they cope with her behave?
Can they at least make her go to IC?
Who was that family member that abused her? Anyone that is still around/ close?

Be the best father to your lovely kids, they need you from now on more then ever.
Take good care of yourself and enjoy every moment you have with the kids.
I can't see what else you can do to bring her to her senses... maybe she just needs to hit bottom.

She needs professional help.

I really don't get it... With her behave why deny you the kids??

Why does she "turns into a monster for anything favorable to you?"

Hope you the best... to you and your little kids.
Reading your posts makes me happy just by to seeing that your kids have such a loving father.

Hope someone else more experienced can help you more.

Treat her with as much indiference as possible, do not show any (sad) emotions when talking to her. Talk to her only about the kids. Take as a natural way. Let her believe you are done and moving on. Let her see the good strong guy and the lovely father you are.

I don't love my ex ws anymore, but I very much miss my family. For that I would try again. I figure that I once loved my ex, I could lover her again if she put in the effort as well. Unfortunately, I don't think it will happen unless she falls on her face and hits rock bottom.

I had my kids for 2 days in a row. I finally have my own place and love having my kids there. I have missed them terribly and nothing brings me more joy than having them with me. It's a huge handful. Twin boys that will be 2 soon and a 4 year old are a big, big handful. But they're such a joyous handful.

I have been unpacking my things in my house. Unpacking brings out many things from the past. Many memories in those boxes. Even my bed was the bed that we had in England that we later turned into a guest bed. It's now my bed. I can't help laying there and remembering my wife laying next to me. I'm surrounded by ghosts of the past.

I want to let go. I want to accept the new family I have and I'm at a fork in the road. One path leads to a cordial relationship with my ex, but it requires me to do as she wishes. The other road is full of risk, but it requries me to stand up for the things I want and to ****** with how my ex feels about it. The thing is, I know she's going to be furious about some of the things I'm going to do.

What are these things? Well, hold her in contempt for not paying for the things she agreed to pay for. Fight for custody of my kids, to a point that may require going to court. I want 50/50 shared custody of the kids. She won't approve of that.

Some of these things are things I need to do regardless. I have to establish a formal custody arrangement. I would be a fool not to. Same with child support. I'm more than willing to pay and have been doing so despite being unemployed. I have given her $1400 a month despite being unemployed. Granted, this wouldn't be possible without my parents help.

She came over the other day and helped me put together a crib for the boys. I think she was being nice, but I also feel it was for the purpose of making sure I had a place she could use to give me the kids when it suits her needs. I wish I could give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm baffled by her behavior and how content she is. She has not suffered one bit over this divorce and is instead celebrating every day while I mourn daily the loss of my family.

Not a day passess when I don't cry for my kids. That's who I cry for. Not for her. I don't like who she has become. She's vain and shallow and immature. This is not the sensitive, thoughtful, loving woman I married. Why would she walk away?

Her parents separated when she was young. Her mother threw her father out for his temper. They had been married for 10 years when she finally threw him out over his temper. He changed and now they've been married for 35 years. They're an example of a marriage that worked out their problems. I don't understand why she feels that our problems couldn't have been worked out. She had a direct example in front of her.

She doesn't want anything to do with me right now. I was a good father and husband, yet she treats me now like an enemy and would rather talk to men from the internet that she's known less than 2 months.

I know what I'm going to hear. She's in the fog. She's immature. She's unstable. All of those are true.

I'm just venting on this post. Getting my thoughts out because I'm frustrated and mourn the loss of my family.