Good. He recommended that I stand my ground with regards to a separation. I'm doing my best to resist, but it's becoming an almost daily topic.

He reinforced that this is a gradual process of trying to chip away at the wall she's built between us. If nothing else it put a little juice back in my batteries. They're getting ever so low.

One piece of good news, she gave me an EN questionnaire that she filled out a couple months ago. We had both filled them out shortly before things got way off track. It was filled out much as I had suspected and provides a good opportunity for me to discuss some of the concepts in HNHN and how they apply to our marriage.

I've also been meeting with a local conselor who has been very good with helping me to stay focused. One way or another I'll get through this.

FA

Hey FA,

How are things going? It's been a few days.

It's going to be a long drawn out process. I remember looking at it and wondering if it was all worth it. I realized quickly that it was all worth it and time was going to keep ticking by if I tried or not. I could wake up in 6 months, divorced, and wondering what could have been if I had tried harder. The only outcome that was certain was if I quit trying. I was in control of if we would get divorced or not. If I quit trying we would divorce and our "marriage" would be over. Our life together would *not* be. She is still the mother of your kids, you are still the father. Your lives will always be in contact with each others. In six months will you be able to look yourself in the mirror and say that you did everything you could to save your marriage, your life, your wife's life, your kids life? Like you, it didn't look good for quit some time. I am happy to say now things look pretty damn good.

Hang in there fella. It's the toughest fight of your life. She is living the life of an addict right now. Her thoughts are controlled by the addiction. I believe that if she filled out her HNHN that the women you married is still buried somewhere under all the garbage. Keep trying. Keep offering her a great home to live in, your home, with you and the kids.

When I first found out about the A I bought my wife a book. It was written by a FWW. I asked her to read it. She did and I beleive it helped. It contains a lot of the things you would like to say to her but can't because she is in no position to listen to you. If you are interested I could pass the book along to you. It is an e-book. Maybe just ask her to read it.

Don't give up on the MB forum. I'm still learning every day. We still counsel with SH. I believe the counseling was the #1 reason we have made such progress.

I hope we hear back from you. Good luck and keep up the good fight!

HS

HS,

Thank you for continued encouragement. My wife logged onto my computer and found this thread. She was none too pleased. I was able to calm her a little after emphasizing that this is a good place for me to discuss my thoughts due to the anonymity.

I know it's worth it to continue fighting for her, for me and for the children, but will do so without posting for a while. And yes, I believe the woman I married is still in there and with much perseverance and a little luck I may one day succeed. I would certainly be interested in the e-book you mention, please provide more details.

FA

I'm sorry your going through this pain. I only wished there were more men like you who wanted to save their M instead of throwing it all away. I'm still having a hard time with my M now, I thought it was going better, but new things have came to my attention, which I don't know if we will make it through this. Just keep trying and don't give up. All we can do is try.