Welcome to MB. I am truly sorry for all your pain. It is way more than anyone should have to deal with at one time. However, I agree that it is not unusual. It seems that a spouse that is prone to having A has trouble dealing with life problems. The A becomes an escape from reality.

My MIL was in the hospital and I went down to be there for her. My WH left to head home and I stayed with MIL to get her settled for the night. As I was helping MIL use a bedpan, my WH was taking advantage of spare time to see OW.

I was at your same point at about 2wk after D Day. (See my thread "I think I have reached the anger phase") I was ready to throw in the towel and move on. However, 3 wks later my H was home and we are working on our M. We started MC yesterday (one of my conditions). The other is NC which seems to be working but I did see that she called his work phone today. I am going to keep watching closely to make sure he is sincere about Recovery.

It is true that you think that you would never tolerate this behavior until it happens to you. We are able to endure a lot to save our M. Should we? I don't know. But I love my H and hope that we can rebuild our M. If we don't, I won't have any regrets.

I don't know which route is best for you but I would give it a couple more weeks before I decided. But, I don't think protecting your finances will hurt your chances for reconciling. He should forgive you - after all, you would be forgiving him for his A which is by far more damaging.

Work out your finances and then think about recovery.

Stay strong. Read SAA- it is a great book.

My prayers are with you and your mother.

Nkay

Nkay,

I thought I replied to you last week, but something must have gone wrong with my computer or the post. I went back and read your previous thread and I am pleasantly surprised to hear that you are in MC and doing better.

I can't believe your H would take advantage of you while you where caring for HIS mother! But, I also didn't think my H would take advantage of me while I was completely weak and exposed, grieving for my mother's impending death. Somehow knowing that you went through this and you are able to forgive makes me a little less angry.

My mom is still hanging on, but not improving. I am frustrated because my WH seems to be dragging out signing our settlement agreement, and I don't feel like I can go to her until I am protected.

I went to dinner with WH last night. We didn't discuss any of the issues. I'd already called him twice on Saturday, venting all my pain and frustration. He truly does seem sorry and claims he has completely ended it with OW. Of course, he's lied to me many times before.

Still, I am considering the MC route. What have I got to lose?

You, among others, have given me some hope. At least if it doesn't work out, I'll know that I tried.

Hope all goes well for you. I'll catch up on your thread.

Thanks!