Thanks all for the support.

I do have every intention of going into court and being the calm one and keeping my head about me.

I have no desire to play dirty but I will defend myself and not back down.

I am going for everything I leagally am entitled to. The judge will know my feelings on Ds living where he does.

WH came by a few minutes ago to pick up DD and DS was with him. DS would not even get out of the car and come in to say hello to me. I have written him a letter and he read it, he told my DD he had. he won't respond to me though. I don't know what else to do, I hae called I have written to him but he won't answer me in any way.

I just don't understand why, he has been the closest to me for years and now he just blows me off. It hurts so much, I did everything in my power to keep his realtionship with his father after all of this crap started and now I am the one being forgotten. What do I do, I can't force him to speak to me. Do I just pray and let God do his job? I will continue reaching out to him but each rejection just make the hurt worse.

Hurting

Hurting -

Your son is also hurting. He loves you, but is afraid of losing his father. You are the safe and secure one for him. That is why he feels okay about clinging to his dad. He KNOWS that you love him.

Continue writing to him, and telling him you love him. I'm sure he will come back.

Try to relax. This thing still may not go to court. When I got divorced from my boy's dad we went through months and months of waiting. The whole thing was decided in the coffee shop at the court house. The attorneys got together with us and worked out an agreement.

Take care of YOU. You have been doing a great job, and showing your children how a woman with grace and honor behaves.

((( Healing )))

Yes ~~ everything Believer just said !!!

great post Believer.....


Sending my very best to you, car

Believer,

I know your right, my DS knows I love him. I would do anything for my kids and they all know that.

I don't feel like a woman of grace and honor. I feel like a woman who has lost everything. My H, my kids and my home. WH has destroyed my life without any feelings what so ever.

I am a middle aged woman who now has to move in with parents to be able to get my life back in order. I have to leave my home and the life I have know for almost 25 years to go into the unknown. I scared to death over this.

I don't see any agreement being reached before court, as WH still refuses to agree to some ype of alimony. He feels he owes me nothing. I am being tossed out like old trash without any concern of how I will live. He has turned into such a cold monster with no feelings for anyone but himself. I know him having DS is not about really wanting the responsiblity of DS its so he won't have to pay me child support. I know he loves his kids but he was such an absentee father so many years due to his job now he wants to b the good guy.

I know I have to let God and time do its job but its so frustratng and my patience is wearing very thin.

Hurting

I know you are in a lot of pain right now, but don't give up. I'm 11 years older than you, and my life without my WH is happier than ever.

Of course, you will need to make a lot of changes that you never planned. I'm a completely different person now. I was devoted to my home and family, and grandkids. Now everything is different. But life is good.

You still have no idea how all of this will turn out, so hang in there.

It's funny. I have 2 friends that have been single forever. Both of them met men in the last couple of months, and are now madly in love. And they are both in their late 50's.

Right now, another man does not sound very appealing, but I'm so happy to see them happy.

You have no idea what the Lord has in store for you.

Ain't that the truth.

Hurting, I'm about your age -- maybe a couple years older.

I fought and struggled to keep the home and kids together, and you know what? They left anyway!

Someone once said, "Kids are the only relationship you have that is measured by how well you break up.

Even while I was fighting to keep it together, I knew it was only going to last a couple years. I was fighting to keep together something that was destined to fall apart.

Daughter is going to university this fall. Stepkids are older and on their own (another story...). And who knows where I'll be? I'm desperately looking for work, but, thanks to a good lawyer, things haven't been financially too bad.

They look bad for XH & OW, though. As my father would have said a few years back, "They're at the end of their troubles. They just don't know which end." I'm pretty chipper. See? There is life after death.

Not saying much, just chin up, and even in the midst of this, keep a sense of perspective and a long view. It looks pretty grim right now ... this is just a difficult patch you have to go through.

Your son will see the truth eventually. Trust that.

u got mail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ok I need to update from yesterday.

WH came over to get his stupid rocks he wanted while I was at work. Of course we all know if I had been home he could not have come. Anyhow he got here right after I left and started to load his truck. He had DD call me at work to ask for his military discharge papers. Now let me explain these papers are really of no use to him seeing how he was only in the army for 6 months and was discharged on hardship before his AIT training was even done. He has never had to use them in 24 years for anything.

Anyhow I told her that I didn't know right off the top of my head w here they were. Which of course I did know but I didn't want' her going through everything to get them. So I told her to tell him I will get them together when I go through stuff and he will get them them. I also said to her let him know I have no desire to keep his papers. I also reminded her that he was not to step on foot inside my house.

When she got off the phone she told him what I said and he became angry and said, " That Wh*re does to know where they are, she just does not want me to have them. And another thing I don't want ot go in the F'ing houseso she can quit worrying about that." Now he said this in front of DS, DD and our nephew. And of course the freaking neighbor hood.... I have to say I was shocked he called me such a name. Neverin a million years would I have ever thoguth he would do that.

After he got the rocks loaded he went down to his mothers to use the bathroom since he couldn't use mine and started in on how people have thrown his stuff away and just stupid stuff. He was told well you have been asked for months now to get this mess cleaned up and get your stuff. He then said to DD, I have something I want to say to you, she said Dad if its anything about my mother stop right there i don't want to anymore about her from you. Stopped him in his tracks ...

He then said well I want to say this in front of your grandmother.... DD I don't want you to have no place to stay you are my daughter but we cant let you stay with us because we just don't have the room. DD just looked at him and said whaever Dad, I am not worried about it, and walked away.

Everyone said he was in a foul mood again. He has been like that for the last few weeks to everyone who talks to him. He has been moody and rude. Nothing nice to say to anyone.
I feel like he is loosing it.


Hurting

Not happy is he?

Sounds a lot like Eav's WH doesn't it?

This stuff is so scripted...

I agree Mimi sounds like the rantings of a very unhappy person.....

Well one thing for sure he is gonna be a divorced unhappy person come next month......

I know he thinks its gonna solve all his problems but unfortunately its only gonna make them worse.... To bad I am the only one is this marriage who realizes that.....

Such a sad and unhappy man he has become.......

Hurting

I've been meaning to tell you that I like your idea of moving to Va....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I am glad you like the idea. I thought maybe you and many others would say I am running away.

I know this will be the best thing for me, a place to heal where i have family support and no triggers or having to see WH living with another woman.

Talk about a perfect planb..... to far away to know anything....

I also know that if he was to ever want to be with me again it can't happen here. OW would be to close for my comfort.

I am actually looking forward to going and being with my family. A new beginning for me, a new life. I will miss my MIL but she knows I will never forget her and she will always be part of my life no matter what her son does.

Hurting

Hi Hurting,

How are you doing? Haven't heard from you much, shows you are moving on a bit more...good for you!!

I know you had to look for another place to live by June. How are you doing with your search?


Do you think it would be wise to let the family know of your up coming plans to move to VA? I'm just concerned only due to your trying to keep DS with you.
I wonder if your WH was to know your plans, if he may use that in court to try to keep DS with him.

And if you do move to VA, would you be able to transfer to the same jobs in that area?

Blessings,
Lady

lady,

I will try and answer all of your questions.
first all of the family including WH knows of my plans to go to VA. As far as DS goes I am not sure what will happen there. He still wants to live with his dad and he plans on telling the judge that. For now all I am asking for is joint custody so Iwill still have to be consulted by WH regarding any descions on DS'S behalf.

DS still is not really talking to me or seeing me. Not for lack of me trying but he won't answer my calls or come over. I have called written letters and he just blows me off.

As far as moving goes I am not looking for a place to move to. I am putting everything in storage and going to stay with my MIL until the divorce trial is over and I can leave for Va. Seeing how that is next month I expect to be leaving by the end of July once I get my settlement money. I talked to her and we both agree me moving into a place and paying rent for a month or two is not the best thing for me to do. Thats is money I can save to help me get settled in Va.

I am not sure about the transfering of jobs. I have no plans on even trying to work in a BK once I ge tthere. I hope to find a full time job doing something else. Were I am going they do have 3 CVS drug stores in town so I hope I can get on to one of those.

The one thing I have done and will continue doing is reaching out to DS and letting him know that no matter where I am he is loved and always has a home with me. He is going to be 16 yrs old and I can't force him to come with me. I won't force that on him as I know it will just do nothing but cause resentment. he has to figure this out for himself. I am sure a lot of you won't agree with me on this but I know my DS and I know forcing this issue will just cause more heartache.

WH is really acting even more irrational than ever, things seem to be getting to him. He stays in a bad mood and is rude to everyone. He flips out over the smallest things. I need to get away from this behavior, I cant be around it anymore.

I hope this clears some things up for you.....

Hurting

Hurting,

You're right about DS. Your relationship will be restored with DS, it will take time. When he begins to miss you after you move, he will get in touch with you. Children NEVER forget their mama's.

I know it seems things are spinning at times, it's painful, and it seems you are losing everything. But you wait, I believe God has much in store for you ahead. God has a great plan for you.


Well it sounds like you have it all well planned. VA I hear is a beautiful state, and being with mom, daughter, SIL, and grandbabies will be great for you.

Yeah I don't blame you wanting to get away from his chaos!!
He's miserable, and looks like he is really getting hardened. Shame on him anyways. May reality hit him. And you know what, he can deal with the pain he has caused his children, while you are at peace living a good life.

Blessings,
Lady

lady,

I feel like i have things planned out well . Of course anything can happen between now and then to throw a monkey wrench in my plans. But I dont forsee any problems at this time.

I know DS will eventually come back to me, I have no doubt. This is just something he has to go through I suppose.

As far as WH goes he is spinning out of control. He does not like having no control over me. he trys stupid stuff to get me to break my planb. I know his rantings of yesterday were probably a way to get me to respond to him, even if only in anger. He does not like that I won't bend to his every wish and give him what he wants when he wants it even if it is only a piece of paper. When told I was leaving for Va. all he could say was Oh... I expected him to be elated at the prosepct of me leaving.....

But one thing is for sure I will be living in a chaos free zone once I leave here. I am so ready for that..... He can spin away and I won't see it.....


Hurting

Yes, as much as he was ranting and raving for it, I don't deep down think it was what he really thought would become a reality for real!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> He might try to break plan B a lot more. I know it's been difficult at times to keep it, but you have done well this time, your WH is feeling it as he should. It sounds like it's getting darker and darker for him...sad to say. We just pray the MM prayer..."Whatever it takes Lord, whatever it takes."

Yes!! God has called you to peace.

Hugs,
Lady

oklahoma

my WH has called me things that i have never heard him say! It hurts so much doesn't it because they are treating us worse than they treated someone they hated.

in thier mind WE are the cause of all of thier pain...i guess in a way they do hate us don't they?

but acording to MB and everyone here......that will end one day...along with the affair

Eav,

I don't know if it will end or not I just know being called a Wh*re by the one person who has never ever said that to me was a shock ...

I wa ssaying the other day he had yet to call me a name during all of this, well I guess I spoke to soon. I think the man is loosing it......

Hurting

Sorry to hear the OW can only teach the WS bad vocabulary. But you know that mothership doesn't have a big dictionary. LOL!!!

Arrgh.... when he is saying those things, he is speaking about himself and the OW. That's the way I looked at it when the WS in my case babbled that hurtful spew.

Went something like this;

WS: U R a B!tch.

BS: Really? No u r getting us confused. How stupid of you. The b!tch is the OW not me. I've never done anything t/b called that. LOL!!!

Dumb WS'

L.