Hey, I had a pretty good day. I'm thinking unless something real big happens...I'm letting go....We all don't make it. but I tried very hard....I'll be fine. Thanks folks.

Remember that Plan B is still an option. Something needs to push your WW off her fence. Even your attitude that you are moving might be a help in doing that. You are right though in that not everything can be fixed.

Also never forget: straight pipes save lives. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'm off work Thursday and Friday and the weather is pretty nice. All of you are correct about things being more peaceful without the drama. Thanks.

Hi, I'm just working around the house today....but heard from W, I guess she phoned my lawyer to see if we had spoken. He told her yes but he was trying to return a call to me and was'nt able to discuss anything with her. She was telling me how sorry she was for causing me great pain....but also that she loved but felt a split was still best. I too....was apolizing a bunch to her for her not being able to see the love I have.

I also told her allow I truly still love her that I was going to give her what she wants.

welderboy,

There is having a soft compassionate heart, and there is being a bit too limp. My friend, try to dig down deep, and find the strength in you to quit apologizing for loving your wife, for wanting a proper marriage, for wanting your wife's attention to be focused on you. Stop apologizing for trying to save a marriage that your wife destroyed.

Next time she calls, begging for you to say I'm sorry, (seeking you to accept responsiblity for the failing marriage when it is squarely on her shoulders), just hang up the phone politely. State to her, uhm, I don't think it is wise for us to have this conversation while we are in the process of divorice...or something like that.

Dude, your wife who can't quit calling and talking with you wants a divorce? How much more confusing can it be for you...alien?

Yes welder, listen to Rook.

Thanks....Rook, sad but true.

Welderboy, I don't come to GQ much, but did today and was moved to check our your thread. I remember you, although can't quite remember your story. Unfortunately there have been so many sad stories since I became an unfortunate member of MB 2 plus yrs ago.

Even pre-A I have always been suspicious when a S wants to leave the M without really trying. Usually my suspicions were proven correct. I wouldn't be surprised if your W is at the very least in an EA, or at least having some kind of fantasy going on. You don't just leave a M. And her calling you "Weird" for crying was extremely insensitive. Like someone who either hasn't learned anything, or someone who is denying the damage they've done.

Don't blame yourself for any of this. If for some reason she suddenly wants to try again please set your bounderies. Know within yourself what it will take for you to believe she's serious. People don't just recover from this damage. It's a difficult path to recovery even when you have a FWS who wants to recover. CV

My W's previous marriage was a real mess with a husband that abused her.

I know thru our years also that her Mother was always trying to give her tons of "advice". Perhaps between that and not having a child she don't seem to have any unconditional love or something.

She did give this last couple of months a fair try....but she did'nt reclaim total loving feelings for me....as she still says "I love you", but is working on not saying it anymore.

The quote I'll always remember is..."I love you....but not enough in the ways to make you happy."

I guess thats wht sexual and love making was so hard for her?

Heck....I do hope that she gets herself figured out someday...but I'm finding myself being more at peace already.

Yep...more at peace, and been getting tons of stuff done, too bad I truly miss her a bunch also....I think this evening will warrant a bike ride. Later.

You DO ride without a helmet right? Hope so. Helmets are unsafe. They don't let you hear what is going on around you. A friend of mine (Hog owner) did a calculation that proved if you were going anything over 13.67 KmH that you chances of survival were the same with or without a helmet. I never checked his figures - he convinced me.

Wow...now we are talking helmet laws....heck I think I need to wack my head a bit...I don't wear a lid im my home state, Ohio...or in Pa. but I live in what is known as the tri-state area and WV has a helmet law...so we throw them on there.

I have two words for you - skull cap.

Actually I was in the souk in Muscat, Oman a few years ago. The Middle East has an amazing history but long story short, Oman, for a time, was a Portuguese territory. I found an old (100 years more or less) Portuguese navy dress helmet replete with spike. It is (ar at least was) worth about $6000 and I bought it for $50. I had a helmet that had bubbled due to heat, took out the liner and converted my new purchase into a motorcycle helmet. Probably not DOT approved but it gets me around helmet laws. It is heavy though. It is made of thick steel with a leather cover and bronze adornments and spike.

I should tell you about my run-in with the cops in Mexico over their helmet law. It was too funny. Poor guy.

Okay welderboy - you will find it in option 3.............

The Mordida

The following accounts are true stories from my time in Mexico and can help save you some money in case you are "stopped" by the police. Now, being stopped by the police in Mexico is not actually very easy so, if it happens to you, you should already be embarrassed. The reason is that most Mexican traffic police do not actually have vehicles. They stand by the side of the street and flag you down. Now, if you don't stop, you are thinking that he will write down your license number and track you by computer. Rest assured that this would never happen - mainly because they either don't actually have computers or, to track you down, would require additional work with no compensation which is simply not in their best interest. So the trick here is "eye contact". If you avoid eye contact with the policeman, you can continue driving with no consequences. If, however, you happen to make eye contact, you must pull over. Failure to do so would be disrespectful and respect is very important in Mexico. If you are stopped, there are four directions you can take the conversation. I have personally tried three of them and all are equally good and effective.

The fourth option is to actually accept the ticket. Now, please understand that this is an option that neither you nor the policeman actually wants so both should work together to avoid it unless absolutely necessary. Accepting the ticket will not cost that much money but it will cost you one to two days in the police station and in court where you will suffer the additional indignation of being ridiculed for actually having gotten the ticket in the first place instead of going for one of the other three options.

Option one - the bribe or "mordida". Once I was driving along in Villahermosa with my future wife (Gemela) and her sister and I was probably speeding although the policeman had no radar gun to support his case so technically it was his word against mine (advice - never argue with a Mexican policeman). I already knew to avoid eye contact but, what can I say, this man just had a "presence" about him. He was a magnet. I could not have avoided looking at him if I had tried. He had truly missed his calling. The man should have been an evangelist but, him being Catholic, I am sure that is a conflict of interest. Oh well - damage done. I pull over. He walks up to the car and I roll down the window and he asks me for my license and tarjeta de circulación (registration). He makes a couple of notes and SLOWLY walks back to his motorcycle. Meanwhile, the three of us are in a panic and wondering what to do so we come to the consensus to try to offer him a mordida. My fiancée taps the horn to get his attention so he turns and comes back. Well Gemela says to him something like: "excuse me officer but isn't there some way we could resolve this situation which is an obvious misunderstanding" and reveals a 50 peso (5 U$D) note I had given her. He calmly says "double it". Well, I am thinking $10 dollars is not a bad way out of this so I pull out another 50 peso note and he says with slightly more emphasis "double it". Now I pull out a 100 peso note and he says "double it". Now I am starting to weigh the pluses and minuses of the bribe versus the actual ticket and am also starting to get a little perturbed at this guy's audacity but I now pull out a 200 peso note and hand it to Gemela and he is now becoming very angry and once again says "DOUBLE IT". Well, I am now out of money and also a little angry myself so I pull out my bank card and am about to say "here - take this to the cash machine. This is my PIN number. Take what you want" when he reaches in the car and takes the original 50 peso note and nothing else and folds (doubles) it so he can hide it, hands me back the license and registration and walks off. Obviously it was a language problem.

Option two - the language barrier: Another option to avoiding a ticket is the language barrier but does not always have predictable results - especially if, it turns out, that either he speaks English or you speak some Spanish. Remember that neither one of you actually wants to end this in a ticket and that usually won't happen if you both do your jobs. The problem is that it requires significant concentration to maintain the façade. If either one of you breaks down even for a second, the whole gambit is lost. It works like this: you start with "sorry officer but no habla español". This is bad grammar. It should have been "no hablo español" but you knew that - this is all part of the ploy. If you start conjugating your verbs correctly, it is your first sign of weakness and he will catch it. Once he does, he knows he has you and will try to "up" the negotiation. Now, if you hold fast and he cannot break you down, he MAY try to start speaking English because he doesn't want to let a fish off the line. If he does this, get a perplexed look on your face and say "WHAT?". Many Mexicans are embarrassed about their poor English so, rather than face further shame, he will give up at this point. If, however, his English is better than yours, it is now just a matter of negotiating price. You can get by with 50 pesos if you live there but if you are a tourist plan for something like 100 pesos. Trust me - he'll know the difference so don't haggle. If you have both been able to maintain your ignorance of the other's language and this is dragging on for an extended period, one ploy which I have successfully used on several occasions is to get out of your car, appear very agitated, throw down your keys and start to walk off. You won't get very far. The policeman will pick up your keys and motion you to get back in your car and just drive away. The LAST thing he wants to be stuck with is your car and you'll see why in option three.

Option three - be logical: I used to ride a Honda 1100cc Shadow (motorcycle) in Mexico. It was far bigger than any other motorcycle in the south of the country so mostly people left me alone. I never used to ride with a helmet which is strictly against the law in Mexico but is, as we all know, a safer way to ride because you have better visibility, better hearing and generally better awareness of all that is around you. Because Mexico has a helmet law but most people cannot afford helmets, it is not uncommon to see people riding around in hard hats or even imitation baseball batting helmets. Sometimes I used a "doo rag". I rode for years like this. Even the "federales" never bothered me and they are generally more strict. One day I got pulled over in Villahermosa by two police in a patrol car. I got off the bike and they approached and asked me where my helmet was. I explained I did not have one. They countered that I had to have one because it was the law in Mexico. Flawed logic at best but I let it go. One of them even went back to the car and brought back the book of ordinances and showed me that it said so in the book. He said that helmets were necessary to prevent injury. I told him that, if I had an accident, one less "gringo" would actually be an improvement. He had no argument there so realized I had him trapped so he goes back to the book again and asks me for my license. At this point I am oozing with confidence so I give him my license and registration. He looks at it and says "no - I mean your motorcycle license". Uh-oh. "What motorcycle license?" I ask and he says that, in Mexico, you need a special license for a motorcycle. I told him that this was the only license I had and knew nothing of a "motorcycle" license. He then adds "and, by the way, this license expired two months ago". (This is not going as I was wanting). I got out my cell phone and called the office and asked the secretary to send a car for me. I start unpacking all my stuff from the saddlebags and hand the key to the officer. He says "what are you doing? Do you really want us to impound the bike?". I told him I was in violation of several ordinances and I would just have to sort it out later and that I had to be at work right then. He said that I needed to follow him to the impound yard and get a receipt for the motorcycle and then I could go to work. I explained that a) I had no helmet b) had no motorcycle license and c) had no valid license at all so I could not possibly drive the bike to the impound yard - he would have to do it. He said that if he were to drive it and any damage occurred that he would be liable and I could sue him (he needed lessons in negotiation). I said that was his problem so he had better be extra careful with the motorcycle and not damage it. Poor guy. He was really frustrated. Things were not going his way. He finally handed me back my license and registration and said "I am giving you back your license so you will just......GO" but that I had better go buy a helmet. I got on my bike, left and never bought a helmet. I have to admit I think I got a little lucky here but I took a position of weakness and made it into a position of strength and got away with it.

Note: the above-mentioned price ranges apply to the "locales". If you get stopped by the "federales", the price is more in the 200 to 500 peso range depending on the infraction. Just remember - they don't want your vehicle either.

Yes, getting the ticket isn't the option you want. A friend from a long time ago actually got a ticket in Mexico. He goes in to pay the fine, but isn't sure where he's supposed to go. Walks into a police station with all the noise and fuss. In an effort to be heard over the people there, he says rather loudly, and with a US Southern accent, "Necesito pagar para un violacion. Donde puedo pagarlo?" There was complete silence.

Differences in words can be powerful. You shouldn't walk into a police station ANYWHERE and announce that you need to pay for a rape.

In Venezuela, if you want to get a ride from someone, you sae "dame una cola". In Mexico you get slapped for saying that.

In Venezuela, if you want to invite someone out for some drinks, you say "vamos a echarnos un palo". In Mexico, that means "let's go have sex".

Yes words can get you into trouble.

Hey Drexxell...where did your quote come from?...One day at a time is all we're given.

Just deal with today and let God have tomorrow.

Thats great!!!