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madmax1 #1643739 04/27/06 07:47 AM
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I wonder in my sitch how many of the OM wives found out about the affair. I can say that if any of them knew, none of them told me. I wish that if they had known they would have told me. As a BS, I think you're entitled to know how many people you've slept with by proxy, if for nothing else than your own personal health.


~~One day at a time is all we're given. Just deal with today and let God have tomorrow.~~ Me = 32 FWH in 1996. Current BH Her = 33 FWW DS 15 DD 11 DS 7 Discovery March 29, 2006 Recovery and proud of it!
Drexxell #1643740 04/27/06 09:21 AM
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mr. c - I exposed to OMW 10 days on the advice of many of these same people who are telling you to do it on this thread.

I went through exactly the same thoughts you are - I thought there had been NC for 2 mos., had no real evidence of contact etc. I did have some very weak evidence of contact - but it was far from concrete.

Of course, I was wrong. There had been regular contact over that 2 month period. I didn't know that until I talked to OMW.

Now, I don't know what will happen in the end. W is pissed at me right now. But, I am glad I did it and I am thankful to all these people for sticking with me and getting me to do it (I waffled for a long time) - if I had to do it all over again, I would do it again, just sooner.

193296 #1643741 04/27/06 09:49 AM
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She was not home this morning either. The mechanics of the exposure are becoming a little more complicated than I expected. I think I need her cell phone number and I have no clue how to get it.

I do worry about the possibility of some sort of violence or health problem on the part of the OMW. But that's a risk I've decided to take to save my marriage. Hopefully, the OMW will see that I have remained cool and calm and not threatened OM or my W physically over the last nine months, and respect that and act as maturely.


BS (me) 36 WW 34 DD 3 DD 7 mos D-Day 7/05 Plan A now/Plan B if I can't get NC
mr_c #1643742 04/27/06 11:02 AM
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Quote
I do worry about the possibility of some sort of violence or health problem on the part of the OMW.

Hi Mr. C,

So sorry for your situation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

May I ask why you worry about the OMW? Has your W said something?

If that's the case, this is fairly typical WS behavior. WSs like both the OP and BS to think their spouse is psycho. It helps them justify the A and hopefully prevents exposure due to fear of some crazy retaliation.

I am a FWW in recovery. I never said these things about my H, but the FOM did about his W. He use to call her the "psycho b#$@h." He told me numerous times he was afraid of her, and afraid for me if we got caught.

His W was NOT crazy, but I think being married to OM wasn't helpful in the mental department (he's quite the mindf***.) BTW, my OM and his "psycho b" are still together to this day...


Me: FWW (34)
H: BS (35)
Together 12 years, no children (yet)
LTA: 3 years
D-Day: Sept. 13, 2005 (I confessed)

So blessed, thankful and happy for my wonderful H...

"God lives in the gathering of saints."
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She had a stroke during childbirth 7 months ago, so that's my health concern. About the violence, you just never know how someone will react. I know when I learned of the affair I was ready to drive my [censored] right over there and confront OMW, but my fear of jail and the custody issues concerning my kids kept me in check.

Any ideas on how to get OMW's cell number?


BS (me) 36 WW 34 DD 3 DD 7 mos D-Day 7/05 Plan A now/Plan B if I can't get NC
mr_c #1643744 04/27/06 11:39 AM
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"(he's quite the mindf***.)"

Forgive me for asking, but why did you have an A with such a person?

At some level you must have known this about him from the very beginning. Did you ignore it? Suppress it?

I swear, I will never understand the people some people have A's with. Is there any understanding to be had?


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
Aphelion #1643745 04/27/06 02:00 PM
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Forgive me for asking, but why did you have an A with such a person?

At some level you must have known this about him from the very beginning. Did you ignore it? Suppress it?

I swear, I will never understand the people some people have A's with. Is there any understanding to be had?

I'm happy to answer your question, Aphelion...

It took a while for me to catch on to OM. I thought he was the greatest. When we first started seeing each other, he told me, "I've finally met someone who gets it like me" (yeah, no kidding.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> OM is highly intelligent (not very smart, but intelligent) and he felt we were of the same "intellectual ability." He even asked me if I used my smarts to manipulate people, because he did that quite often and quite well. I remember thinking, "Hmmmm...what a strange question!" It was my first red flag.

OM is very much like my brother, and I think that's why I was attracted to him. When I was growing up, I spent all my time with my brother. I could talk to him for hours about anything. I even thought he was my "soulmate." As we got older, he became mentally ill and was misdiagnosed and untreated for years. He was psychotic, both physically and verbally abusive, and I was devistated. He's on meds now, but is addicted to alchohol and has a very sad life. I miss my brother of my youth so very, very much.

OM was a very funny, intelligent charmer who had a great passion for life. He was like my "old" brother in so many ways. The old saying that you're sometimes attracted to people who resemble your family members, particularly those you have unfinished business with, is true for me.

My brother is currently a conflict-avoiding, drug addicted narcissist with very low self-esteem. So is OM.


Me: FWW (34)
H: BS (35)
Together 12 years, no children (yet)
LTA: 3 years
D-Day: Sept. 13, 2005 (I confessed)

So blessed, thankful and happy for my wonderful H...

"God lives in the gathering of saints."
mr_c #1643746 04/27/06 02:43 PM
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If your concern is your number showing up on caller ID there is a simple way to block it. Dial *67 before you dial the number. This blocks your number from caller ID. Try it from your number first to make sure it works in your area.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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