P.S. I forgot to say that he really really REALLY doesn't get it. He confirmed this by saying (after making the abuse comment, and D18 saying it wasn't abuse, but protection) "I'm over it!", meaning he's over the nasty behavior that preceded by PBL. So he thinks I'm kinda giving him the silent treatment or something because he verbally abused me. Can he possibly be so blind when in the PBL I said this is about the OW?

Sigh... He's gone into little boy mode, just as he always has in our M. He thinks I'm punishing him. Silly, silly manchild.

He's so oblivious, I kinda have to wonder whether he'll EVER get it.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. I hope you are not expecting him to come to you and say: "I UNDERSTAND" what this is all about. Being that he is a WS, his mind is "FOGGY". I continued to see glimpses of the FOG often for a full 6 months during Recovery and every now and again the FOG Brain continues to reoccur after almost 3 years....



Don't buy that he is actually THINKING. He is merely EXISTING...treading water..trying to make it hour by hour..day by day...

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS THINKING...YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PLAN..OF COURSE, HE IS CLUELESS....HE IS A WS!!!!



LOL..EXACTLY...Now you've got it!!



He has the POTENTIAL of GETTING IT but it won't be due to LOGICAL REASONING. If and/or when he does "get it", IMO, it will be due to PAIN AND SUFFERING..NEEDINESS FOR YOU.

Remember: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS FOR A WS. Don't listen to what he says. Focus on what he does. He is trying to make contact with you. He won't be able to tell you why he is doing this. It is out of his pangs of neediness for YOU.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I was kinda hoping he'd understand that I'm dark because he's having an A and I'll stay dark until it ends! But from what you say maybe I'm asking too much. LOL!




Penny-dropping moment for me...



And another penny-dropping moment...


And another penny-dropping moment!

*gasp* - what an invaluable reply Mimi! Truly enlightening stuff. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OK here's another one from the WH I "abuse".

Several weeks ago, WH told D18 that there was a program on the radio all about a condition that S11 has. He said he recorded it, and told her to to tell me that he would make me a copy if I wanted, I just had to let him know. So I did what I've been doing: I said NOTHING, and did not send along a request for this program through anyone else.

Today, along with the mail he's sent to the house with an employee, there's a CD: the copy of the program I did NOT ask for!

OK so... yeah. He wants control, he wants some kind of contact, he wants to be "the good guy" he sees himself as. I get it. But what do I do with the CD? Do I return it? No way am I going to acknowledge it (and won't listen to it, either; I am WELL au fait with our son's condition and if anyone needs educating it's him with his deadbeat dad ways), but I don't know whether or not send it back.

Thoughts?

It's for your son. Listen to it and see if it is helpful. You don't have to tell him what you think, unless it w/b helpful for your son.

JMHO,
L.

OK Orchid, will do.

I know what it is, though (I was already aware of it); it is an intro to the condition for people unaware of it. My head is bursting with info about it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Then he isn't giving you anything new? Nothing helpful? My WS tried to do that to me. It made me sick to allow him the opportunity to 'teach' me something while he was in his WS state of mind (or lack thereof). Yet if he said something that made sense, I would agree.

Btw, it didn't happen very often. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Nah, it's all old hat. That's why it's pointless.


Yeah... I don't know about you, but WH has been VERY patronizing this past year. It's part of the new "assertive" self he's been nurturing since he left; I kinda get the feeling he's rebelling against *me* as he was never able to rebel against his folks.

I'm an inveterable learner, but like you, there's no lesson I want to learn from a WS.

River:

It's probably not as "deep" as him trying to rebel against you or him being assertive. It all boils down to him wanting to continue to rationalize his affair..to continue to try see himself as an effective/adequate parent..although he abandoned his family. YUCK...it's not about his R with you now..it's all about the affair..continuing to justify his addiction...

Mimi, you have such a way of simplifying everything a WS does. It amazes me, because I'm beginning to see how you're right! I'm beginning to see that like you say, there's not much sophistry to a WS's thinking at all.

You're spot on with WH trying to see himself as an effective/adequate parent. He'll burn a CD, but spend time with his son? Forget about it! S11 hasn't rung him in days, and WH has not bothered ringing *him* instead. Pathetic.