OOOHHH great point loving!

apl,

I was getting my EN's met. My H was the one who took total control over our recovery for many weeks while I was still in the fog. As he continued to do this, is just seemed so natural to meet his most important ENs. Your questions are NOT immature, in fact, I believe it takes a very mature person to come up with the right questions to ask. I do know what you mean by feeling resentful. That is how I felt pre-A. We didn't know it then, but we had that whole cycle thing going, you know, the "I'm not putting out for my H 'cuz he does absolutely nothing to make me feel special! He never helps with chores around the house, or pays any attention to me." To which the H responds, "She just hates sex. I am gonna do my thing, she can do hers, 'cuz even when i try to do something nice for her (ooooo, ya, that ONE nice thing!), she still won't have sex with me." And on and on it goes, until each of you are so angry and bitter, neither are willing to "cave" first.

Thanks for the ILY advice. I'll give it a whirl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

KJ

LA,

The answer is no. I hate myself most days, just thinking about what I have done. Can't say "I'm sorry" either, because I am so far from forgiving myself for any of this mess I've gotten us in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

KJ

Why not concentrate on you...why hate yourself? You are not the person you were before...unless you make the same choices...

Why hate a new person?

You betrayed yourself...you need to own what you did, know why, and pledge to not repeat that choice...then you do amends...to yourself, your DH and family. Forgiveness only comes later...sorry can be now. I believe you are sorry...not just for the consequences, but your own self-betrayal.

If you will punish you, withhold understanding, and not allow amends from you for you...then you will do so to others.

Every time.

LA