Hello again,

First of all can I apologise to ALL that I upset on Saturday with my post. I get it. I was fogged. And it was terribly upsetting to read.

Specifically I apologise to MelodyLane. I was thinking on a cloud. You attacked me like the fogged out OW it turns out I am.

After speaking with Mrs. Wondering (thanx again!) there was enough doubt planted in my mind to call his wife the next day. Turns out, like you all said - there was NO DIVORCE.

I should have just heard the word Married and run. But I didn't. I rationalised myself into a very ******** spot.

Anyway, thanks to all who commented on that thread.

I would like to seek your opinions on another matter.

***********edit**********

You see this WH is a bit of a celebrity in the UK's Gospel Industry.

I am responsible for my own actions and I wholly accept my full share of the blame for putting myself in this position.

But I am really ticked off that he can do that as the religious authourity that he is supposed to be. This was A BIG part of the reason I had faith in his words.

Please check out the bolg and let me know your opinions if you please. I would like to get as many thoughts on it (if I should, if I'm going to ways to go about it etc).

Thanks again xx


*********Soryy AF,, references to him by name had to be removed *******************JustUss************

This was my email to him on Saturday night (well early morning hours). By the end of it the seed of doubt was fully planted and I called his wife the next morning.




You know, when all is said and done, I know you're not a ****** trying to hurt me. When everything is removed I know you're trying to make the best of a very difficult situation. I was hammered and abused today over our relationship by people who felt you are a wayward spouse having an affair with me to escape the problems in your marriage. They believed you will NEVER get divorced and will return to *** when this burns itself out, or you will destroy your family and in a couple of years, if we marry do the same to me.

I know this does not sound like you at all.

I know I'm not necessarily being fair by suggest "if you lied to her you'd lie to me". But what can I tell you? What do YOU think?

Can you honestly see us as man and wife in a few years? Thats what it boils down to. If you did you would take the necessary steps to protect us from ridicule and abuse. Do you think your family could ever forgive me for you lying to them for years?

I know you keep A WORLD of things to yourself *****, especially things that fall out of line with the Good Guy image many people have of you. I know deep down you are a good guy with flaws like anyone else.

How do you see this relationship? How would you chart the process to our goal? Do you even have a goal for us yet?

I am concerned that you might not be being totally honest about the reason you are still married with *** and keeping up appearances.

I am worried that it's not just "appearances" but something more real.

I TRULY FEEL LIKE A HOMEWRECKING LITTLE COW SWALLOWING LIES TO JUSTIFY SLEEPING WITH A MARRIED MAN.

I need you but you can't be there because you're respecting your family and your home.

You protect your family and their interests above everything else. What you give me IS leftovers, because you haven't got more to give. Is this fair?

Finances wouldn't stop you from telling *** and your family, "I'm sorry I have to proceed with the divorce. I've met someone I love and believe I could have a future with. It does not serve me well to be married for the sake of this album and finances alone. I'm cutting my losses now". Or even, "I have met someone I love and I believe I could have a future with. I would like to reveal this to you Sam and to my parents so you all know this person is in my life and I am only staying to promote the album."

***** the truth will set us free. Your family will HATE me if they feel I turned you into a liar and an adulterer. This is not the second wife blues. This is the Homewrecker lockdown. Do you know how people treat homewreckers? They will NEVER stop thinking "pray it isn't done to you".

They will swear down you and ***where like you were in the beginning, there was a chance if it wasn't for me. They will call me a gold digger. They will say I used black magic, the devil was working through me ... ALL THIS, *****, because you won't tell the truth about us.

This can't be love! You wouldn't feed me to the fishes like this if it were. You wouldn't open me up to so much disrespect. How do you plan to protect my dignity when it comes out that we've been together during the last X years of your marriage?

Like I said, I don't think a ****** trying to hurt me, but I'm not sure how honest you're being with yourself about the BEST way to hold our relaitonship down.

Actually of I'm honest, I;m not sure how much of a priority this is for you.

I want to care for you ***** I do, without holding back, but I can't close my eyes and walk into something I KNOW will shatter my life and over shadow my marriage (if we do end up marrying) for LIFE.

When we started this, my understanding was that you were on your way to being a divorcee, you and Sam were clear and in agreement over the divorce, you were moving to the States, selling your home, separating Moza. The album is old stuff, ***** have you kept new business you are starting together from me? New projects, new deals tying you two together, adding to and strengthening the foundation you told me is dead? People stay married for money for YEARS when they are in your position! You think Richard and Judy won't ignore true love calling even if they'd been killing each other privately for what BBC pays them? You are building and adding to your profitability as a COUPLE - you and ***! If you can't walk away now what makes you think you will walk away next year? There'll be more business and more deals next year *****. And our relationship won't be good enough to stand up for then either.

Listen, I've been told some harsh truths today. HARSH. If you wanted to be divorced you would be. You NEVER even filed for divorce Sam did. And when she stopped pursuing it you let it be. You present a united face everywhere you go. You two may not be happy, but "every marriage has problems" and you're still united in everything you do, so where's the divorce?

God, *****, No. I'm trying to trust you, but you give me SO LITTLE.

- You DON'T tell me you love me unless I ask.
- You DON'T instigate contact unless I do.
- You DON'T make promises about our relationship.
- You put me FAR on the back burner when your real priorities come up - work and Sam and Sam's family.
- You DON"T TELL anyone including family and friends that you guys filed for a divorce.
- You stand together with ***, united in holy matrimony in front of 70+ million people around the world JUST THIS WEEK and Praise God!

My heart is breaking now, I am weeping for my stupidity, where is the divorce?

No, *****. No contact ever unless it's to show me divorce papers.

You WILL string me along for years with ***in the picture and your marriage intact. A Tues - Friday 10am - 6pm part time relationship! This is all you see me as being good for?

I agree your marriage most likely has problems, but "getting divorced" means nothing. People can be "getting divorced" for 10, 20 years of MARRIAGE.

I will not base my love and efforts on "getting divorced".

From today that's it. We're over. I'm done.

If you love me half as much as I've loved you, if you really think I could be your "soulmate", if I've not just been some overly eager young 'un eager to meet the needs you haven't successfully gotten *** to meet in your marriage, if there really is nothing more to your marriage, if it's not just been sexual release, if you trust me even half as much as I trust you, if you have been HONEST and TRUTHFUL "getting a divorce", if you didn't lie about loving me, about seeing a future for us, about us having a chance ...

YOU WILL TELL *** TODAY ABOUT ME AND OUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOU WILL COME TO AN AGREEMENT WITH HER ABOUT GETTING THE DIVORCE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

How can you worship God, praise God, serve God through lies? You are lying to your fellow christians and worshippers. Presenting the most BLESSED union on Heaven - a marriage - as evidence of God's power to MILLIONS of people JUST TO MAKE MONEY? Don't you know that's the authority a married couple stand on when they lead prayer and worship like you have done? You want to lead prayer and worship of millions based on a lie? You don't think it matters?

Listen, what we have started is ALREADY a sin. Yes I use the word, this is NO JOKE. What we have started is a sin and we will need to pay penance, repent and ask for God's forgiveness if we hope to be happy together in the future.

If you want to stand with me in our "love", it must be a BLESSED "Love" not something this sinful. God will not bless us for this, what we are doing now. Deceiving so many people.

You know I love, you know I am not a bad person in spite of any mistakes I've made in my life. I may not call myself Christian BUT YOU KNOW MY HEART I would never knowingly cause harm or pain to anyone, to myself or the universe directly or indirectly through karma. Please do not make me part of an adulterous relationship I beg you.

If you believe (which even as I type I increasingly doubt) that your future is with me then you will get up and tell Sam now, honouring God and our love and begin to build an open, honest life with me for us together.

That is the least True Love would give it's benefactor. Honesty and respect. I mean true love and respect for ***, for your friends, your family, for God above whose blessed you in so many ways and FOR ME.

I have nothing more to add to this. I have nothing more to say.

Please do not contact me EVER AGAIN ***** unless it is to say you've got a divorce.

Remember I lived with Baba and his other "wife" for 2 YEARS! 2 YEARS!

I have WAITED for you for long enough. If you don't feel enough love for me now to do the right thing, you never will.

Remember when you gave your life to Christ, you took your time to find all the people you'd hurt the most in your life to apologise and ask for forgiveness? You are hurting Sam and your family and friends and the millions of people worshipping through your music by carrying on this deception. You in your one little self causing so much pain.

I won't help you.

Please remember NOTHING, NO CONTACT, NO WORDS, NO APOLOGIES OR EXPLANATIONS. Only contact me if it is to say you got a divorce. And if you decide to stay in your marriage don't EVER CONTACT me again. I will have moved on in a few months anyway and this sin stops right here, right now. I pray to God for forgiveness and may this NEVER follow me in Karma into my marriage or my childrens'.



********edited for names*******JustUss*************

AF - thanks for having the integrity to report that.

I'll look in on that item later.

Interested in any tee shirts? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

allsfair

expose this man

you've told his wife

now tell anyone else that may be affected by his lack of morals and dishonesty

he will do this again to someone else

ps
it's wonderful that you were willing to take the steps that you did!

Eav, if you check out her blog..she did scorched earth exposure. AF, thanks for the update.

Thanks for letting us know...

Be very careful if he contacts you... don't give him information about this site as long as you're posting here... while the concepts would (of course) be helpful, it would be too easy to keep tabs on each other through the site. There must be NO CONTACT... even subtle contact by just reading each other's words. And obviously, anonymity is paramount.

Stay strong!!

Alls:

2 things I think you should do.

Number A: forward that email, in its entirety, 2 the OMW. She should be privvy 2 everything you're willing 2 say 2 her H.

Letter 2: Change the names in your post above.

-ol' 2long

Alls:

Here's what you may have just taken the first big step 2ward avoiding Stick 2 your new-found guns!:

"James Bond: Spies & Lies

He won’t tell you where he lives. She will give you only a work number. He’s evasive about his history, friends, job and background. A year after you marry her, you find out she’s been married before. A mistress shows up. You find bills for credit cards you didn’t know you had.

Secrets and the lies that support them make it very hard to make an emotional connection. In part that’s because the secrets create a wall. In part it’s also because the secrets take a lot of energy to maintain and that energy is stolen from having a relationship with a person.

James Bonds are secret-keepers who with hold information from people with whom they are in a relationship. Sometimes this is because they believe the secrets give them power or an illusion of mystery and excitement; other times it is because the revelation of the secrets will end the relationship and they won’t get what they want-the reason for keeping secrets in the first place.

When you get into a relationship with a James Bond, you may enjoy the mystery at first. It’s kind of exciting not to know when he or she will suddenly appear to sweep you into whatever passed for his or her Aston Martin or private jet and then just as suddenly disappear again.

As the relationship moves along, however, predictability becomes more important and desirable to you, but the James Bond has no interest in being trapped by your rational expectation of continuity in the relationship.

You begin to snoop. Bond leaves you alone in the car or the apartment for a few minutes, and your fingers stray to the glove compartment or desktop. You hate yourself for what you’re doing, but you can’t stop. Bills, letters, scraps with phone numbers-a flood of information without explanation. What you’re looking for are the missing pieces of James Bond’s life that you don’t get to know. The problem is that you have no threads to weave into a fabric of truth. All you have is scraps that have no clear meaning.

Or, worse perhaps, you DO find something; a breathless love letter you didn’t write, a sexy card you didn’t send, a photo that isn’t you. Now what do you do? Now you have information and a whole new conundrum. In order to confront James Bond with the information, you have to admit you’ve been snooping. Then Bond has the perfect out: he or she can get mad at you for snooping, and never have to own up to the rest of it.

The other thing that happens is that you lose trust completely. Being in a relationship with someone you don’t trust isn’t being in a relationship at all. It begins to undermine your trust in yourself as well and that undermines your self-image, which makes you more vulnerable, which undermines your self-confidence-you can see the descending spiral here.

Meanwhile, James Bond isn’t making any changes. The secrets and lies continue, surrounded by denials and protestations of honesty or indignation that you would even suspect him or her of not being completely truthful.

James Bond has difficulty with both truth and honesty, which makes trust impossible.

The sad thing is that even if he or she changes completely, it’s still really hard to build trust because of the history. So you get more and more suspicious and less and less trusting while James continues along the self-focused path of getting his or her needs met above all else.

When the situation (we can’t really call this a relationship) finally blows up-and these relationships almost invariably blow up rather than fade away-your ability to trust anyone blows right with it. The next person who comes into your life will be under the microscope, and that is a very uncomfortable spot for anyone. The new potential partner often departs to avoid being distrusted at every turn."

-From “How To Recognize Emotional Unavailability And Make Healthier Relationship Choices” by Bryn Collins, M.A., L.P.

-ol' 2long

THANKS THANKS AND THANKS AGAIN.

WAT maybe one of those tee shirts might not be bad if it comes with some hard knock lessons (minus knocks).

New Begin - I am actually making a preliminary report to the police in case he does try to contact me. I wrote in the blog that any contact regarding it's contents or my actions to expose him to the public MUST COME THROUGH HIS SOLICITOR. Any contact from a non-legal representative will be considered harrassment and reported to the police.

I'm waiting to see exactly how stupid he is.

2 Long - I am doing EXACTLY this. I am waiting to call her when I know he will be at work to ask for an email address I can forward it to and to give her the address of the blog (the email's going on there anyway).

She should know that I have informed (is that strong enough of saying 'use a solicitor'?) her H never to contact me again.


Thanks for all your responses! Maybe a few more on the blog when you've had a chance to peruse it. It's quite lengthy already even though I'm no where near done.

Just my opinion, but make sure you have proof and can back up what you're claiming lest he come at you with slander charges.

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Subject: A whale of a story

If you had read the front page story of the SF Chronicle on Thursday, Dec 14, 2005, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that
caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body-her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farralone Islands outside the Golden Gate and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her-a very dangerous proposition. One slap of the tail could kill a rescuer.

They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around-she thanked them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth says her eye was following him the whole time, and he will never ever be the same.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The person who started sending this news item around attached the following little homily to it as well. It seems appropriate, in view of the story above, and how meaningful it was to those involved, to leave it attached...

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate--to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude. I pass this on to you, my friend,
in the same spirit!

thanks for the update... funny thing is the man has a home listed for sale... seel fast all offers considered... in case anyone is interested in buying a home in England... here's the contact info...might be sold already... July 2005 listing

*****************edit*******

ex-law enforcement can usually come up with some good stuff...

okay, Justuss... edit away.

Too true 2Long! Minus the "never able to trust again part". I will conduct more thorough investigations and trust 'old truths'.

But dammit that man is what gives good men a bad name! And I refuse to take him as typical.

I moved on when I sent that email and his wife's confirmation of his lie made him a stranger and the person I thought I knew a fictional character.

You can't "love" a fictional character.

I don't think putting it all out there on a blog is necessary, or perhaps even a good idea at all.

You could get sued.

Probably like here in the US, affairs are unfor2nately not illegal, but slander and libel are. And if OM's some sort of public figure, he might be able 2 afford a lawsuit.

be careful

Also, remember: Recovering your own integrity so you can make thoughtful choices in the fu2re is your goal, not revenge. Exposure 2 his W is all you should fee responsible for. It's up 2 him 2 learn the lessons he needs 2 beyond that. (and beyond that, you can't "help" him anyway, because you need 2 sever all ties with him).

Time 2 take charge of your fu2re, and let him and his W decide what they want 2 do without your interference.

-ol' 2long

Okay AF - so you exposed. Good.

Now how about taking the focus off this man and placing it on you. You are responsible for your choices and actions.

something about all of this just seems

too
convenient
and
too
rehearsed

I donno.... seems like a lot of blog determined to ruin a man's reputation and ??? perhaps to get even with the wife???

I remain suspicious of this entire thing

Pep

Pep:

I think we all take a chance that these kinds of posts are trolls looking for short-term entertainment.

I try not 2 invest more than I would 2 anyone else - "hoping" that it's an honest post (well, not really hoping that more of this nonsense is going on in the world!).

If Alls is a troll, she'll get tired and go away soon enough.

If she's legit, we can hope that she'll take a postitive step in the fu2re and not get sucked in2 such a destructive pattern again.

-ol' 2long
P.S. But it sure did "develop" quickly, didn't it?

like it was pre-written

Drexxel, I've actually got a post called The Law On This One that details the procedures UK journalists have to follow and explains the meaning of libel and how the burden of proof is determined.

I have proof alright. And he will have to bring a libel case against me and disprove the reams of emails and recorded contact that we've had, to get me to take the blog down.

I just hope I get a few women contacting me who are willing to sign a sworn affidavit with more evidence of his infidelity.

If I am honest with you guys, I am extremely embarrassed that I fell for this. I should have protected myself better. I should have just never gone there.

This is only a little effort I am trying to make to pay penance for what I have done. I feel guilty. I want to make it right but I was wrong. I can't take away what I've done by the exposure campaign.

But it sure as heck gives me an outlet to my emotions.

MKEveryDaycnt - LOL! Loving that bit of investigation! I am actually trying to get people to write to his Christian charities, church, record label, TV stations etc. complaining about his unsuitability to do the work he's doing.

That's why I'm going to track his live and broadcast appearances on the blog till I am give up or he stops getting work.

I want a google search of his name to bring up that blog first so everyone can read ALL he is about.

I am scared I sound really bitter -- I am just angry! It's still fresh.

And I am living my '****** hath no fury' rule.

I'm sorry BW out there. It's foolish people like me that cause so much trouble to you. I apologise from the very bottom of my heart...

I would discourage any more "outing" this man ... this may be a character assination for reasons we can only wonder about

I just caution all of us

do not jump on the bandwagon and go after this man

something's not Kosher

Pep