Let go the results that you cannot control...others.

Do NOT let go your choice to speak your thoughts, feelings and beliefs after letting go others' stuff...

This is the perfect statment to make to your DH tonight:

"I was so geared up to be ok with whatever response there was that I guess I thought I had to be ok with no response at all. I'm not."

There's your truth...and a respectful truth it is...

"and H was trying to pretend like it wasn't there at all." DJ alert...

"Even when she asked him what he thought of it, he pretended he didn't hear her."
DJ alert.

That's when you teach your DD to speak, like her mother is now learning..."DH? DD spoke to you."

"You know, I can understand that this is kind of an uncomfortable day. But is it really so bad to acknowledge that it exists?

UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

You don't understand if this is uncomfortable or not for your DH...you don't know...hold onto that...don't DJ...they hurt YOU!

Speak, AmI...speak...open your mouth and trust your truth...you're worth it, your marriage is worth it and as long as you looked inward before you went outward...you're safe to speak.

You are.

Show your DD how it's done...you can do it! Don't make me come flying over there, tiny fist and black tights on to punch you in the nose...I might miss and go up it.

:P

LA

Excuse me, Waiter? There's a mouse in my nose ....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thank you, LA ... That made me laugh and laugh!!!


H is working tonight, but we do have MC tomorrow, so I think that is where I will tell him that "I was so geared up to be ok with whatever response there was that I guess I thought I had to be ok with no response at all. I'm not."


How did you get so smart at this????

Process, process, process......

Better late then never! It'll be interesting to find out what he thought about celebrating your anniversary.

LA-Do you think she snored when she laughed? That would have been cool! LOL

Proud to know both of you strong women...It's so refreshing!

Yeah, I'm very interested in what he thought, too. In fact, I'm catching myself a little over-analyzing his recent behavior. Guessing and making assumptions about what he's thinking/feeling instead of asking, listening and repeating.

At least I'm catching myself, though, and stopping that when I start. That's a new step for me!

baby steps baby steps baby steps....

DJ alert...we ust by on the same page. I started that last night...I would catch myself thinking something and go...uh, that's a DJ, stop it! Then, self would laugh!

I thought the saying was It's okay to talk to yourself but when you start answering there when the problem come in and the straight jacket is needed? Or something like that!

LMAO

I wish you a super fabulous weekend...remind me to talk to my Fairy Godmother and see what she can pull off for you! LOL

H told me at MC today that he's done, he's moving out. He'll be moving out while the kids and I are gone this next week.

Guess it's time for Plan B.

(((((AmI)))))))

Are do you need a hug?

How do you feel about this? Did he say why?

AmI...babystep...one day at a time...

I have faith in YOU...

I'm devestated.

He said that as a wife, there is just nothing left, and he doesn't want to try anymore, he is done. He said that if he thought he could keep me as a friend and as a mom to the kids, then he would have been fone a long time ago.

I'm trying to get my thoughts together and figure out what to do .... the actual practical steps I need to take right now to protect myself financially and protect my relationship with the kids.

AmI-

I'm sorry to hear that you are in such turmoil! I was just looking at your D-day dates and Reg.date, it's really still early in the game. you may still be dealing with the "FOG."

I think Plan B may be necessary at this point. Are you sure that there is NC? Could you have been if false recovery? What did happen to the co-worker? I know mine felt like another d-Day...does it feel like another d-day to you?

What are your instincts telling you?

Do you feel that you could have done more? It's your fault? because it's not...this is not about you...it's about him...I hope you see that...

(((((AmI)))))

Don't mind the above..I posted on the other!

Yeah, sorry for the second thread -- I can't change the title of this one anymore and wanted some quick help.

Not sure if the link will help, but I'll stick it in here...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/showflat.php?Number=3078906


Thanks.
-AmI.

AmI,

Thinking of you today...while you're rafting...

LA

AMi,

Sorry for his hurt but know that he is still WS babbling. Can't make life long decisions based on it (they change all the time)....but you can get prepared.

Mine came home a few times with those kinds of lines. At first they really hurt and set me back....then later (when my heart and mind went in sync)....I learned to give him back his guilt. I realized those lines where his way of trying to keep me in his WS line.....no can do. This BS don't play by WS rules..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Ok, so I would tell him that if that's how he felt, he needed to go live away from us because we deserve better....Those WS don't like to be told they are 2nd class citizens. LOL!!! So that one line got used several time through the fog. It works...... but it may take a while. WS reactions are generally slow. Mine would take a simple question or statement and take 7 - 10 days to respond (literally) while in the fog. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

We had fun rafting. Then we went and saw a movie -- Talledega Nights, which was pretty funny.

Then H went home and we went on to Denver for our vacation. I had to work for a few minutes this morning, but now we're headed off to have some fun.

The kids tried to call H this morning, and he was no where to be found. He lost his old cell (it was at his office, I kept trying to tell him to look there, but he was sure it wasn't there) and got a new one last Wednesday. I didn't get a chance to turn the GPS on on the new one yet, so I really have no idea where he is and am trying not to think about it. The kids and I will have a lot of fun this week...without him!!!!

-AmI.

H called me about 10:30 this morning, said that he had been sleeping through all of the kids' calls. He wanted to just chat, telling me about what he was going to do today and this week. He went shopping today, was telling me where and what time he was going. Why is he working so hard to be accountable now, after he's said he's done??

He's also planning all kinds of stuff around the house, like mowing, fixing a window, etc.. Since "it's harder to get things done at home when the kids are here." It sure didn't sound like any plans to move anywhere. Who knows. I really am trying not to think about him this week.

LOL ... sure doesnt' sound like it by all that I've just written, does it?

He called a couple more times today, and I just handed the phone straight to the kids. I did send him a few pictures from my cell of the kids playing.

We had a pretty great day. We went to this amusement place that has laser tag and putt-putt and bumper cars and all kinds of other stuff. We played laser tag until we about dropped, and who-knows-how-many games of putt-putt. They also had a three-story clubhouse thing that was full of little foam balls that you could shoot at each other, or load into cannons that explode balls all over the place ... it was SO much fun.

Have a fun day planned for tomorrow, too. A whole week of fun stuff that will keep us pretty occupied.

-AmI

H called today and got on my case for "making the kids go to bed too early -- this is supposed to be a vacation for them, let them have a little fun."

He said he doesn't "want to have to override" me, but he couldn't believe I was making them go to bed so early.

What??

Not that he gets an ounce of say in any of this since he couldn't be bothered to even be here .... but we didn't even get back to my sister's house until after 10 last night. And by the time the kids did showers and jammies and everything else, it was close to midnight when they finaly went to bed. Tonight, it's 11:30 and we just got here -- they are just now working on getting ready for bed.

Sunday, we got here around 9, and both kids were dead tired, ready to fall over asleep. I had them call to let him know we had made it, and told them then to start getting ready for bed. It takes a good hour plus to get them both through showers and all their bedtime routine. They both typically go to bed at 9 when we're at home.

I did not care to go into any justification with him, so I guess that's why I'm doing it here. With him I just laughed and said "They're doing great, we're having a lot of fun."

Where does he get this "don't want to have to override..."??? Like he could do a thing about it anyway. And he's the one refusing to go on the vacation that he kept promising them, but suddenly I don't know how to be a parent and set appropriate bedtimes???

What is going on in this man's head?????? I wanted to throw the phone at him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Hi, AmI, well so far so good...looks like a great unexpected turn of events so far...I wish you well and all the fun in the world with the kids...

I look forward to hearing more about your vacation with the kids! Take care and be safe on your journey!

Thanks, Rin.

It doesn't feel very good. I keep wanting to turn and say "did you hear them say that ... " or "did you see that ... " You know, share the fun here. But he's not here to share with.

And then when we do talk, he rushes me through things, and after getting on my case about the bedtime thing, I'm at the point now that I just let the kids answer the phone.

I have been sending him a couple of pictures every day of the kids and what they are doing. Last night he sent me an e-mail thanking me for the pics, and then telling me about his night.

I'm really frustrated. I'm off-plan and not sure from minute to minute which plan I should be in, so I'm frustrated with myself, too. I'm trying to just focus on having fun with the kids. It works most of the time.

We're going to a water park tomorrow, so that will wear us all out, I'm sure!

Thanks.
-AmI

AmI,

If last Friday he hadn't said what he did...you would still be feeling that weather vane feeling of sharing experiences, wouldn't you?

He wouldn't be with you on this vacation, anyway. That part is just yours...so go a bit deeper and find out if this is your fear for the future...because in your present, that has no bearing, right now.

(Btw, that weather vane feeling...identifies how much you do share with your WH...which goes against your perspective you don't share your stuff, doesn't it, a bit?)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good to know!

Now...can anyone rush you through anything? You can feel rushed...and you can say, "I feel rushed."

"I keep turning to say, look at this...look at that...what do you think...and you're not here."

That's O&H.

"I feel you're getting on me, like I'm doing something wrong, about their vacation bedtimes. I want to disprove what you're perceiving. That's my signal that I feel judged."

Up the O&H now, AmI...put it on full force, highest honesty and open your mouth...or type them into an email. Keep them coming. This is you, through and through--worth knowing and loving...prove THAT.

I believe we Plan A up until the moment we hand them the Plan B letter...and it sounds like that's what you're doing. I also believe O&H statements are essential to Plan A. And you're doing a great job being present.

LA

I'll second that motion...LOL

Use this time, AmI...you don't have to worry about body language here...misinterrupting that...judging from that...not fear of his anger in an email...reinforce the new you!

No need to worry about wearing that mask...didn't you throw that away a long time ago? LOL

You are fabulous...remember that...

My eyes opened a little wider today! Makes more sense by the day...and it feels great!