Okay STBXWH is starting his crap already, he just sent this email to me:

[I will need to pick them up on Saturday anytime after 1pm. I don't have anything scheduled for vacation. Give me a couple of dates that you are looking to schedule your surgery and I'll try to work around it.]


According to the parenting plan he is suppose to get the kids on Fridays @ 6pm if not then he needs to pay for childcare for unexercised parenting time.

I don't want to let him slide by this time by getting them on Saturday b/c I just know that he will keep trying to do it. This is the email I was going to send back to him any input would be greatly appreciated:

[According to the parenting plan, which we are sticking to, you need to get them on Friday @ 6 p.m., and if you do not exercise your parenting time with them then you would have to pay for childcare for that time so if you don’t get them by Friday @ 6 p.m. then you would need to bring me $100 for childcare costs when you come get them Saturday.

What ever happen to them taking class on Saturdays?

Also DS birthday is in a couple of days, since you will not be seeing them for a couple of weeks again thought you might want to do something for him.]

I'd shave it down.

"According to the parenting plan..your options are to either pick them up as schedualed (6 pm friday) or to pay for childcare during the time lapse between your schedualed parenting obligations and your actual arrival.

The fee between the hours of 6 pm Fri and 1pm Sat will be 100 dollars due at time of exchange.

Failure to adhere to the parenting plan will result in immediate further court action.

What time will you be available to receive your children?"

Thanks for your response Noodle. I like it, it is definitely short and to the point.

Stupid question, would ask my attorney, which he probably already told me but my mind was somewhere else when we talked yesterday, but he is out of town for a week or so.

When the judge grants his judgment, which my attorney told me that we did not have to go back to court for it, do STBXWH and I have to sign it. If so what happens if he does not sign it?

The reason I am asking is b/c I can remember when STBXWH told me before this whole D process got started that if we changed our minds before it is final then we did not have to sign it. Which makes me think that he is trying to see how much this is really going to cost him before deciding to really GO though with it or not.

My problem is that I come to realize that this D is really what I want and I don't want him to try and stall it any longer.

BUMP ^^^

As I recall you said previously that the FINAL ORDER will be issued today, May 26th. (I even wrote it on my desk calendar).

Anyway, it is my general legal understanding that the Judge is the only one that signs the FINAL ORDER. Typically, divorcing couples come to some settled agreement, the attorney's draft it up and both clients sign it, file it with the court and the judge "approves" it and incorporates the agreed upon terms into his/her FINAL ORDER (which only he/she signs). That is probably what you are thinking of. Since you were unable to agree with VERY STBXWH then you don't sign nothin'....just await the judge's order.

Since your attorney is out of town are you supposed to call his office to find out if the order has been entered and delivered?????? I'm sure you are anxious to know the second it is entered. I hope they don't make you wait the weekend for the "order" to arrive in the mail. Maybe the court will fax it to the attorney's and a secretary can read it to you over the phone and summarize it.

Mr. W

About the $100 for daycare...You also don't want to encourage him to pawn the kids off on a girl friend or his parents when he should be parenting them. So make sure you have the "right of first refusal" to watch the kids...that is, if he can't watch them, then he should ask you. If that is not possible, then he/you can make daycare arrangements. It's a balancing act...but I would be firm the first time to show that "this is the way that the court says it will be, and I am sticking to it". After a while, if he need flexibility and shows you flexibility, then you can be flexible. If he is all take and no give, then stick strict to the order.

Mr W,

Sorry, I got the date mixed up, today was the deadline for us to send in our proposed judgments.

I called and talked to my attorney's paralegal today and she did say that we did not have to sign it and that it should hopefully be in by next week, she would called me as soon as it came in.

WBH, thanks for you response and advice, I will keep it in mind. This is definitely a balancing act for sure.

Well I was checking the internet and it looks like the judge has made a civil judgment against STBXWH. CS, I get about 55% of STBXWH net income, retroactive from Nov 2005, he also has to pay my attorney fees. So far so good. Those were the only details available thus far.

Sounds good. I'm so happy for you. Hope your husband has the retroactive payment saved up.

Thanks Believer,

I know he doesn't have the money saved up, he spent it all. He came to get the kids this weekend and said that he did not have the $100 to pay the sitter for his unexercised parenting time but he had money to take MOW out.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

He also agreed in court to get the mortgage caught up which is another $4000 but he will get a credit for that towards the back CS.

He is going to be livid when he finds out that he also has to pay my attorney fees within 30 days from the entry of judgment <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wonder if MOW is going to help him pay all this since she helped him spend it all. I am soooo glad that he is going to be held responsible for taking care of his children, even if it is just financially.

I don't know what he is going to do b/c money is a big thing for him and now that he has to give most of it up, it is kind of frightening. Everyone keeps telling me to be careful b/c he may realize all that he is losing (financially) and try to come back when he hits bottom and can't spend all his money for fun with MOW and not use it to support his kids.

Wonder how long it will be before she drops him or vice versa when they see that he does not have all this money that she thinks he does. The only reason he did was b/c he was not supporting his kids.

How does that unexercised parenting time work? That's a great idea. So many of these WS's take off and ignore the children. Then the BS is stuck.

No money will probably end the affair. That is what usually happens. It's just not so much fun anymore.

Yeah, I told my attorney that I was worried about him getting a credit for the overnights with the kids but I knew that he would never see the kids that much b/c of past experience. And I would be stuck (lack of better term) with them 24/7 w/o a break. My attorney then put into the parenting plan that "in the event a parent does not exercise his or her parenting time as set forth herein, and the other parent is caused to incur daycare costs associate with the such circumstances, the parent not exercising the right of parenting time shall reimburse the other parent such daycare costs."

I'm sure before he and his attorney approved the parenting plan that my attorney and I drafted that they did not even read it, just wanted to look good before the judge since they did not have one.

STBXWH was mad and cried to his when I told him when he came to get the kids today instead of last night that he had to pay the $100 b/c I had plans. He even had the nerves to say why was my friend charging him that much <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

WOW!!! That is a great idea. Mind if I post it?

No, not at all. I think it is an excellent idea too and I think it will be a life-saver for me. I would like for other parents to think about putting it into their parenting plan also.

Or maybe you could post it on it's own thread. I just love it. There are so many that don't show up on scheduled days, and the BS is stuck, has to give up plans, etc. I also think it would cause some to make their children more of a priority.

Believer, it's now on its own thread, thanks.

Well went to SIL to get the kids from very STBXWH. It was actually very pleasant. She invited me to stay and have dinner but I told her that I had already eaten. Talking to her I realize that she has no idea that we are divorcing and that it will be final very soon.

Very STBXWH stayed in the house and walk out with the kids and I. I guess he was trying to make it seems as though we are working on things or we were buddy-buddy. I did not say anything to him but the kids said goodbye. The kids said they had a great time which I am glad. He brought the girls bracelets that said “Daddy’s Little Girl”.

One thing that did bother me about their visit was that they said they asked dad if they could call me and he told them NO and said that I would call them. How do I bring this up with him that they can call me anytime they want and don’t have to wait for me to call them? After all it is in the PP that they shall have unlimited, but reasonable, telephone access with either of us. Now why would he not let them call me?

Wish I was a fly on the wall tommorrow when he finds out that he has to pay me 55% of his net income for CS, and that is it retroactive to Nov 2005, and that he has to pay my attorney fees.

Anyone know how long it usually takes for the judge to sign final orders or settlement (CS, attorney fees, etc) after D trial.

I was wondering if I should call very STBXWH sister and let her know that our D will be final any day now, since his family has no idea that we are D. When I was picking up the kids on Monday, I got the impression that she thought that we were back together working on things. Don't know why VSTBXWH has not told his family about our D.

No idea...varies from state to state AND judge to judge. Soon, very soon perhaps would be my guess. Once the paperwork is done they will get it done so they can close the file and get it OFF their docket.

I am very encouraged by what you've found out about it so far. I'd anticipate that your STBXH won't have the necessary funds to pay off all the back support due you so you'll likely need to set up a payment plan. Considering how much he's paying you in support you MAY consider making a settlement offer and giving him a 10% discount or more if he pays you off immediately. You may not even consider that as you are DUE the money but I've seen such "liabilities" linger for years and as long as he's paying his current obligations they often do not enforce payment of the old liabilities. Granted...someday he'll have to pay it, often with interest, however, if you can settle up and get most of the money NOW I think you'd be better off. Talk to your attorney about it when you finally get and review the Final Decree.

Mr. Wondering