Confused,

I want to add my support, you seem like a strong person, I hope you find peace and contentment.

Thanks. I know I will be ok if this comes to D. Iknow that I have done almost everything possible. There is one thing I have yet to do...plan B. That will be coming along in a couple more weeks. After my exchange w/WH last night I can see why plan B is effective for BS.

I've been thinking about changing my screen name but a new name hasn't quite come to me yet.

Yes, it certainly is since you take control back in Plan B. You're ready as I am for Plan B and it will give us some time to recharge our batteries and focus on ourselves.

Even though you have prepared yourself well for this, it is still tough...I know.

I've seen the "dead eyes" too and it's really sad to see the void in them.

hugs for you C42.

Ok so WH moved out 11 days ago. Other than a few tearful moments I have been doing pretty well. I guess he is getting his home fix cause he keeps showing up.

The other night he was trying to call but the kids and I were outside doing yard work. He tried the house phone and my cell. He tried again later and when I got on the phone he asked "Are you not taking my calls anymore?" When I explained we were out cutting the grass, he said "only kidding".

Then last night he showed up at 10:45 PM. He just came in got himself a bottle of water started talking about his day. He had met with people he use to work with (site is closing about 150 people showed up at a bar) Told me about the mutual people we knew, he had given someone a ride home then stopped by our house "to use the bathroom". It scared me 1/2 to death having someone just walk in that late at night unexpectedly. I told him he frightened me. He said "next time I'll call first."

He picks the kids up tonight for the weekend. They miss him terribly. I am still in plan A, but I plan on putting a deadbolt on the backdoor and I have plans for dinner tonight and will be busy the entire weekend.

Is this normal alien behavior?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hi C42,

Sounds like he wants to keep you in his back pocket. This is where Plan B will help you. No more unwelcomed visits or phone calls. At that point you STOP meeting ANY of his EN's. He will feel it!

HTW is right. Your WH seems ripe for Plan B. I believe your M has a good chance once you Plan B your WH.

Good luck.

Hi Confused,

sounds like your doing great and he is not liking this seperation.

Yup sounds like planb time to me.... You go girl .....


Hurting

Thanks for the support guys! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am ready for plan B but I have concerns for the timing. The end of the school year is approaching. And if I went to plan B before then...I know I would see him at school functions. DS graduates from 8th grade. I know timing is crucial in plan B...I don't want to miss my window of opportunity. Any thoughts?

He has been out for almost 2 weeks now so this might be a good time for Plan B. Would it be possible to go to those events and be distant from WH?

Come to think of it, that occasion may be the perfect time to give your WH a taste of the new you...just a taste. Here is what I'm thinking...

I would make sure you attent those events looking absolutely stunning (not that it would take much I'm sure) so he gets a taste of what he has given up.

Maybe buy a new outfit or get a new hair style. Personally, I really notice a woman who takes care of herself and that includes clothes, hair and hygene (i.e. nice perfume). And don't forget the new shoes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Change it up a little and make him wonder why you made the changes. Even have someone call you on your cell while you attend the event so your WH sees you having an enjoyable conversation. Trust me...he will wonder who you are talking to? Why is she dressed and smelling so nice? Why the new hair style. Then you leave and go back into a dark Plan B and he is left with those images.

SO you would come out of Plan B only for a few hours and blitz him with all your ammo. Then you retreat and bunker down for the long haul.

What do you think?

Ok I 'm trying out a new name...its my nickname from when I was a kid. Since I've been feeling like myself (and I'm no longer confused and no longer 42 lol! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)I wanted my name to reflect that.

I think plan B time is approaching, I want to do a strong plan B. He has been out of the house 11 days...next Thursday 5/25 is art fair at school, I was thinking about plan B after the art fair...originally I thought after DS 8th grade graduation on 6/21 but that seems tooooo far off.

WH is out of the house but seems to be looking to me for some of his EN. He keeps making excuses to stop by. He has even talked about taking his week vacation and coming here to work on the house! And working from here on Fridays during the summer. I don't know what part of "we are separated" he doesn't get.

Looking for suggestions and advice! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WH called me 3 times today...asking about bills and "oh BTW what are you doing today?". I was running "errands", one of the calls he caught me at the mall, where I ran into a female friend I hadn't seen in a while. I asked him to hold on while we said good bye. She went on and on..."its so nice to see you happy and you look awesome!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I didn't get into it with her that he left.

Went out to dinner and drinks with a friend last night...stayed home and watched movies and part of the race tonight.

I have a guy coming to do some work on the pool house in the morning...gotta go grab zzzzzzzzz.

Hey Cha Cha (like your new name)
Haven't posted to you before but have followed your story.

We have a bit in common, as my WH also came home for awhile
then left again. Right after he moved he was coming back
often to get a few more things and maybe a home "fix" too.
He was also calling almost every day, invited me out to
dinner once a week, and still asked that I go to Dr and
IC appointments with him (he was diagnosed back in Jan as
having bipolar disorder so is doing therapy and on meds).

Lately though, something has seemed to change and he is
more distant, doesn't call, doesn't ask me to get together
and has gone to his appointments alone. Not sure if this
means he and OW are more "serious" now, or if he's just
been on his "best behavior" with her lately.
(OW moved in with him about two weeks after he moved out-
supposedly it's temporary while she is looking for a new
place, but she is still there...)

I've done alot of Plan A and felt I did a pretty good job
with it, but nothing has managed to end the A so far.
WH and OW have had several "break ups", but have gotten back
together each time, despite seeming to have nothing at all
in common, a very "stormy" relationship, each knowing the
other has lied about a lot of things, WH continuing to keep
contact with me without OW knowing about it, OW being very
paranoid and insecure about their relationship, and some pretty outrageous behavior on both their parts.
WH got a DUI in December and seemed "shocked" right out of
the fog for awhile, wanting to get back together, work on
things, getting a Dr and IC, and coming back home, but it
didn't last and he went back with OW after two months.

Seems your WH is the same way in maybe being a cake eater
hence the phone calls, "drop bys", and keeping very much
connected to your life. Sounds like this does usually make
them a good prospect for PlanB.
I was planning to start Plan B a couple weeks after my WH
moved out, but ran into a delay as we are selling some land
we own and were going to have to each other at the closing.
Then it was delayed again, as WH had to go out of town due
to his father being in the hospital.
Now the land sale closing is scheduled for this week, and
my plan was to give WH the letter there.
I am posting my draft letter on my thread, if you'd like to
give any thoughts. I just hope it's not too late for Plan
B to help things, since OW moved in and WH seems pretty
entrenched in his life with her.

Slammed

Me- BS, 42
WH- 38
Married 8 years, together 11, no kids
(WH has D13 and 11 from previous R)
August 05- WH meets OW on internet, begins EA then meets
in person and PA begins. OW moved to our town and WH moved
in with her. I suspected A but WH denied it.
OCt 05- A confirmed after OW calls me due to suspicions
about WH. After fight, WH moves out and they "break up"
(for about 10 days).
Dec 05- WH gets DUI and needs my help. Comes out of the fog,
wants to reconcile, gets IC and Dr.
Jan 06- WH moves home, things going pretty well
Feb 06- Fun trip together and things going well, then WH
begins more contact with OW, promises her the "moon", says
he'll get D.
Mar 06- WH moves out, A is back on but Wh contines to call
me almost daily, ask me to do things, has me go to his IC
Apr 06- More of the same

Hi Slammed, Thanks for stopping by. I have been following your thread since just before your WH's DUI. You have your hands full with a WS who is also bipolar.

I'm gonna stop by your thread to say hi.
Thanks againg for the support.

Sunday... WH brings the kids home, gives me some lessons on the new pool pump, stays for Sunday dinner and ice cream andto watch TV. After the kids go to bed he starts to leave. We were talking. DD asked if she could be w/Daddy again next W/E. I asked him to help me reinforce with her the alt w/e schedule. He was supportive and agreeable.

As he was leaving he initiated physical (SF) contact. I know, I know...but I gave in. I figure I'm headed to plan B this week and I wanted to give him something to remember AND I'm gonna have to do without too! I know....I shouldn't have but I did. I WILL NOT IN PLAN B!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been working on my pbl. I'll post for feedback...I think its too long.

WH called Monday night I talked to him briefly and got my son on the phone. He is coming to take the kids out tonight. I plan on going food shopping right after work, hopefully I'll be able to avoid him.

2 days til plan B

Getting ready for plan B tomorrow. WHY AM I SO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS??? I'm second guessing myself, thinking I should do plan A longer. I am a conflict avoider a heart. I need reassurance. This is the right thing and the right time...right????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I'm not experienced or an expert on Plan B by any means ... but I absolutely empathize with being a conflict avoider!

You can do it. Hang in there and stay strong, and don't second-guess yourself. You know it's the right thing and right time already, you've put all the thought and work into it. The hard part is over ... now it's just that one big step.

You can do it!

CC, Second guessing is normal, especially for something as important as Plan B.

You and I both know that it is the right thing to do and it's time. The stronger your Plan B is the more respect you will gain from your WH.

Do you want to continue living as your are indefenitely?
Are you happy with the current situation?

We are here for you...you can do this!

Sounds like you are ready and all things in place for a
good Plan B, but I understand feeling nervous about it.
Having things go well, and going out of "A" with a "bang"
(no pun intended) should really give it good effect !

I'm planning to give WH my letter tomorrow too, after our
land sale closing and related bank business.
Since we've had so little contact lately it's hard to know
what to expect, but basically I expect...no reaction.
I think he'll probably take the letter, read it later, and
then go back to daily life with OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
But, WH has always been one who has to think about things
for awhile and let them sink it, so maybe a little bit of
it will get to him eventually, especially if things with
OW aren't going so great, he's having some doubts, or might be missing some things about home/us.

Thanks for your support and posts on my thread- will update
today.
Slammed

I've been thinking about what to tell the kids. I have to tell them something since I won't be talking to him or inviting him for Sunday dinner.

I was just thinking about the simple truth. "Daddy moved out because he doesn't want to be with me. It hurts my feelings when I see him or talk to him.But you can see him and call him anytime you want."

How have others handled it. DS13 & DD11 I don't want to put them in the middle and I don't want them to have too much info to give WH. Neither one of my kids are good at keeping secrets...thankfully.

Slammed..pun fully intended and accepted in the spirit it was given. LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Hope your day is going well. You're in my prayers.