ANY TYPE OF CONTACT IS CONTACT and puts him at risk for getting back into it fully.

Steve also told me to ASSUME CONTACT UNLESS YOU HAVE PROOF OTHERWISE.

I'm sorry to keep repeating Steve Harley but he helped me SOOO MUCH...He was like a life line to me...

C42, may this be the beginning of the hardest part of your life!!!

I remember a post a while back, where, over a 3 month period, a woman had gone from having a WH not interested in her to one that was basically begging to come back....and it all had to do with the pursuit thing. She never agreed right away. She was doing things that created a new desire for him to be with her.

It is after that change in perception that the WH had for his W that issues of NC letter and the like were adressed.

Good luck,,,and thanks for all your time and efforts on my thread!!
MWIL

Don't apologize for passing on good advice! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'd be in contact with SH hourly if I could afford it...he is wonderful...and I BELIEVE!

Thansk MWIL,
I want to do this right and I want to take it slow. I don't/won't redo another year like last year cause I didn't follow through. I want to do it the MB way this time. I am cautiously optimistic...he seems interested.

Better yet..say: GIVE ME A CALL when you have done what I have asked in the letter I sent..

When he calls, then he can ASK you for a date...

I agree with the need for on the knees PURSUIT...

That's what my H did..started popping up like yours is doing...

I still say that this is ALL SCRIPTED...

WHERE IN THE HECK IS THAT WS HANDBOOK?

oops! I already sent the reply.I wanted him to get it before he left work..he doesn't have internet living in the RV.

It's OK...no big deal..I was being picky as usual...

Thanks so much for your guidance <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Looking at other people's situations its easy for me to think "Oh they should do this. Definitely not that." But when its close to home, I'm afraid to take a step. This journey is tough... its great to have someone who knows the map.

Thanks again.

ChaCha,

I just wanted to say hello and let you know how much I admire you. I have been keeping up with your plan B so far and you are doing so great. You are really helping me get my mind pointed in the plan B direction.

It sounds like things are starting to go in a positive direction for you. I wish you all the best.

Ok another twist...
I got home from work yesterday and WH car was there. I was unloading groceries, going through mail, making no attempt to find him. DS came in and I asked where WH was.He said he had been in the shower for like over an hour. WTF??? I thought is he trying to make me catch him naked? So I got changed I heard the shower running ignored it. Then he called me...he needed help. He was standing in the shower bleeding.

He had a minor in office procedure done and was suppose to rest. Instead he came to our house and tried to do work which cause the site to bleed..pretty heavily. I thought I would have to take him to the hospital but I was able to stop the bleeding.

I was taking care of my H. It was him! I told him I had recieved his email and responded. He hadn't gotten the response because he had to leave for the Dr. appt. He was anxious for my answer. I told him I would love to go with him but what I wrote in still holds true. He told me he had been looking for real estate in the area where he has been staying, he wants us to move...all of us.

We didn't do any more R talk. I let him stay and sleep in our bed, I slept on a mattress of the floor. This morning he went to work. We discussed that he shouldn't be making the trip down here again this weekend and that I will bring the kids up to him. I wished him a happy birthday we shared a lingering hug. He thanked me for helping him and he left.

I hope I didn't blow it...what do you think?

Looking for advice.

I THINK YOU ARE THERE!!!

All you need now is the NO CONTACT LETTER written and sent TODAY and his willingness to work on a plan with you to do EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS.

The gauge will be his willingness to write and send the letter but I think he will and I think you are a SUCCESS!!!

The new house is a GREAT IDEA!!

It will be like starting over..that's what we have done...

However, NOW IS WHEN THE REAL HARD WORK STARTS...

Thanks mimi.

I am trying not to get too excited. It seems too soon. I am no where near being ready for him to move back home.

Moving I think is down the road. There is work that needs to be done on our house. And work we need to do in M. My concern is he would like to move and forget it happened. I have NO PROBLEM moving. I lived in that area when I was in college. I would LOVE a new start...clean slate. BUT I don't want to just move our problems with us.

The NC letter will be a big indicator. How freely do I communicate w/him? I was thinking I would wait for him to call me.

I think you blew it...

why in Gods name did you respond to a juvenile email asking for a date??

why in Gods name did you tell him you responded...

why did you go in to your home with your wh there...

why ??

this is not even close to plan B....

you are not IN plan B....

your words in your letter will prove to have very little to NO meaning if you continue contact...

soory but you asked for opinions..
that is mine..

way
way way too soon...

false recoveries and false epiphanies are more hurtful in my opinion then NON recovery...atleast non recovery is an act of HONESTY

ARK

This is my opinion.

The problem with waiting for his contact today is that he might just waltz back into the house.

It needs to be cleared up that you plan to REMAIN DARK..despite the slip yesterday..unless he does the NC LETTER...OR some CLEAR EVIDENCE to you that he is committing to NC with the OW FOR LIFE...

So I think that this should be made clear to him in some way and THEN..wait for his contact...

So can you call him on his cell and leave a message or E-Mail him?

mimi..

what is this..

email him ???!!!!
call him on his cell ??!!!!

Is the man STUPID..was there NOT a PLAN B letter that said you must cut all contact..

does he need daily reminders..
his hand held...
should SHE write the NO CONTACT letter...

what type of PLAN B IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh....this place is making me nuts....I think we have slid off the MARRIAGE BUILDERS PAGE...and seeped in to some website of do whatever..

ARK

Ark:

Calm down...

Everyone makes mistakes...

Even me..also..CHA-CHA <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

BUT still and yet...

I was advised by Steve Harley himself to respond when it seemed my H was serious...

He advised me to RESPOND briefly as I suggested to Cha-Cha...

I think she should STAY DARK if he slips up now as I stated previously...

Ark, CHILL....it's going to be OK...

We fall down but we get back up....

I'm not at all ashamed to say that I could be DEAD WRONG about this...

Cha-Cha;

I say. You are there. You know your H. You have experienced the FALSE RECOVERIES..follow your gut.

Ark:

BTW, from my own personal experience and this is my own personal opinion, I don't agree that the FALSE RECOVERIES that we had would be worse than NON-RECOVERY. This is looking back in hindsight. I think they were STEPPING STONES TOWARDS RECOVERY. I learned..he learned..

We can talk about this later on another thread if you want to continue this discussion at all.

forget it then...call it plan B ...

if this is the new definition..

ARK

Oh, Ark!!

I hate for you to be so disgusted!!

You're right, it's definitely NOT PLAN B..

Until she goes back into PLAN B..she did fall off the horse..and is definitely NOT IN RECOVERY...

Mimi..never known as being STRICT..ask my kids who have PLAYED me for YEARS and YEARS....