In an email I wrote him I told him I wanted him to talk to SH before he returned home. We haven't really had a chance to be alone to talk about my session w/ SH yet. I want to do it in person so I can read him better...so he has not responded one way or the other. But if he chooses not to...he will not be coming home.

CC,

I would consider your WH calling SH and makeing an appointment for a session on his own a HUGE action towards recovery. Let's hope he follows through with this.

Remember ACTIONS not WORDS are what you need from your WH at this point.

How did it make you feel looking at your WH without that "dead eye" look that he normally has? Just curious...

HTW

It was such a relief..( I teared up but didn't cry)

I got the fulltime position I interviewed for!! Same job, same hours but now with full benefits, health insurance, paid days off, pension, 403b.......and a raise! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Nobody wake me up!!!I must be having a really good dream!

Congratulations CC!!!!!!!!! So happy for you.....hopefully your roller coaster will always go up!! Enjoy your moment now, and remember.....hard times always lie ahead....but that is life...So proud of you!!!!

Looks like things are starting to turn around for you CC! That is wonderful news and will give you even more confidence adding to your self-esteem.

Your WH will surely notice this and his attraction to you will increase. It will be contagoius.

Good going

HTW

MWIL & HTW...thanks, I was hoping for the job because of the benefits...I was blown away by the raise! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We are suppose to have our "date" tonight and go to the movies. I'm nervous. I have a sinking feeling he will cancel. We haven't been out on an actual date the 2 of us alone in YEARS. We have planned to see the DaVinci Code. This is silly...why an I nervous?

CC, I think you go into tonight with NO expectations. That will be difficult for you to do and it may require that you act aloof at times. You want you WH to know that you will be fine without him.

Talk about your new job and let him know how much it means to you. You are excited about it so let this come out during your conversation with him. It will make you look strong and independent in his eys and that is an attractive quality...trust me!

If he sees that you are moping around and not moving on with your life, there will be no motivation for him to reconcile.

Think about it...here you have this lovely woman who has learned so much about herself through all this, she is learning to be independent and do things she would normally rely on her WH to do for her. She has learned about LB'ing and meeting EN's. Now she is becoming happy again, she just got the job she was hoping for that pays more and provides great benefits.

You have alot going for you CC and it's all WITHOUT your WH! You think the idea of him loosing you to some other guy doesn't cross his mind...sure it does! And that is a powerful motivator for him to do what he needs to do.

Up until now he knew you would be waiting for him, that you couldn't move on without him. Well things have changed and he may sense this.

Whatever you do tonight, please do not become emotional since that will only be perceived as weak and needy by your WH. This is a dance and you have to know when to lead and when to be led. No R-talk either unless he brings it up.

You will do fine tonight, just think of him as one of your friends and most importantly have fun.

HTW

P.S. Make sure you look and smell great (not that you need much I'm sure) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> but guys love a woman who takes care of herself and smells nice.

What are you going to wear? Lip gloss is essential.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

CC, NO R talk...at all!! After the movies...ask him "hey, you wanna go have a couple drinks...my treat" And just talk...and listen....take interest in what he has to say...eye contact...smile, but not fake. Let him "feel" your affection with your smile and eyes. Very important to a man....at least from my POV.

Good luck.....NO R TALK....if he brings it up.....gently put your finger on his lips....and whisper...shhhhhhhh.

OHHH, I'm so happy for you, ChaCha! Job, raise, date, I can't wait to hear about it! I'm so excited for you!

I am so happy for you ChaCha!!!

Have fun and let us know how it went!!

I just have time for a quick post!
I survived the date!
It was a little awkward in the beginning....then we drove and he showed me where he would like us to move. Its peaceful and beautiful.
Went for dinner and drinks. NO R TALK....talked about work, mine and his. undivided attention, great eye contact.
Went to the late movie. no hand holding ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I really miss that).
After the movie talked about the movie and compared to the book. He wanted me to stay the night w/ him.
Good thing I had an 8 AM hairdresser appt.
I declined I gave him a kiss that curled his toes and came home <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />. Its an hour drive from where he is. I got in around 2:30 AM.

Very good!!! The question....did YOU have fun??? Were you able to keep the "thought" of you and him away enough to totally enjoy his company...and him vice versa???

Enjoy your weekend!! And focus the next course of action....STILLNESS! Like I know....a long process this is....but when we value ourselves above all others...time essentially is meaningless....you're just being VERY generous to your soul!! It's the taker in all of us, that feels the pain!!

God bless! Nice job!
MWIL

A very good question. At times I enjoyed myself and his company very much. There were other times I was wondering why I was sitting there. The thing that I realized is I am not desperate for recovery. I will not chase him down.

He came by yesterday to take the kids to a surprise party. I was in plan B when he RSVP for the party and responded for 3. It was catered for DD of one of his closest friends. If he wanted me to attend he would have called friend and ask if I could come as well. He didn't. He was kind of distant yesterday.

When he brought the kids back I asked to speak w/ him. I told him about the session w/SH and about sending NC letter and f/u call to OWH. He looked annoyed so I asked about it. He said "I thought we already covered that, whats next?" I said the next thing is we mail the letter and call OWH. He said "I know...whats after that?" I told him about spending time together to have fun and then seeking a counselor to talk about R and A issues. He asked "Why can't we just do that ourselves?" I told him I felt that we needed a 3rd party to guide us through. So A becomes part of our history that we learn from and move on. If we talked about it all on our own we may get side track w/ hurt, resentment and anger and not address the issues. He said "Well I guess we do what is next."

We agreed no sexual contact until we were both ready. (that is his favorite means to distract me)

He still wants me to go w/him on business trip to Puerto Rico he even talked to his boss about it and found out as long as we paid for my airplane ticket the company is fine w/me going.

He is still focusing on us moving and wants to fix things around the house. Asked me to make a list of the things I felt needed to be done.

He seems determined but not real enthusiastic. I am hopefull but cautious. So I guess that makes our interactions "tentative". I'm thinking I need to take a step back and not be so available or accomadating.

What do you guys think?

Hey Plan B "pardner",

Sounds like thing are going well- I'm so happy for you !
Glad you were able to enjoy the "date" and just make it a
good time with no pressure. I'm sure keeping your cool and
taking things slow and easy is a good idea, and gives WH
incentive to keep "doing the work". ( the kiss was a great
incentive too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Congrats too, on the new job and raise. Things are looking
up !

Wish there would be some progress here- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Slammed
Slammed

Hi ChaCha -

I am so rooting for you! Keep us posted -

Kim

Thanks guys! I'm rootin' for us too....but I'm also leary.
What do you think about the trip to Puerto Rico. Its only 2 weeks away. Its only for 3 days...part of me says go...its not that long, we can enjoy some private time with no interuptions...away from triggers. Then another part says its just too soon.

Trips helped us. You are creating new memories for your new marriage...

mimi's got a point! So for it! we'll all be praying for you! Hubbie's seems to have taken a big step toward you, take one toward him! You can do this! we'll all be here waiting for the details!LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Go Cha Cha! Go Cha Cha! Go CHa Cha! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />