Great thread, from my experience w/ FWW, Starfish hit the nail on the head w/ the plateau concept. FWW re-initiated a desperate contact six months post D-day which I discovered in an email. She claims it was her turn-around point when she realised she didn't want OM and the A after all. Needless to say, renewed contact does bring back all the horrible prior feelings plus the hopelessness mentioned above.
You have to ask yourself, as a BS, did I do everything possible to promote recovery for the WS and will I have any regrets if I say that's enough? I didn't walk but am still on guard against complacency.

V/r,
No way

False recovery. Hmmmmm. A little over a year ago, soon after Dday #1 WH wrote an NC letter, with pressure and guidance from our MC. He always resented it (and me) and hasn't really tried to work on our marriage at all since then. There have been token efforts (MC -- where he did his best acting, thoughtful gifts for Christmas, etc.,) and I have tried to appreciate that. But when I discovered on our 15th anniversary (in July) that he was talking to her and seeing her again, it got pretty difficult to see them as anything but manipulation -- manipulation of me, but mostly of DS and others around us -- everyone still thinks he's wonderful. A couple of months later (end of September) OW made the promise to me and to our church leader that she wouldn't talk to him again. I recently (one month ago) found out that promise was broken as well. They are at least talking again on a regular basis. WH has never actually recommitted to the marriage (the closest he has come was after dday #1 when he said he was "committed to marriage counseling and seeing what happened then) and has made no bones about the fact that he'd rather not be here. I have chosen to stay for now. Can't do plan b for financial and practical reasons. Our house is up for sale, we have no family nearby, we barely make it month to month as it is, and WH has no desire to stay with me or allow me to try to meet his needs. He would be happy to go into plan b. So, to get to my question, what would you call my situation? It may have been false recovery after dday #1, but now is it just doormatdom? I keep thinking that maybe when the house sells I can give him a choice: If you stay with us you recommit to the marriage, if not, you go your separate way. Then plan b. But for now it just isn't possible. Anyone think there's any way this marriage can be saved? OW has been firm about not leaving her family, but not about NC.

I'm sorry I'm just kind of venting here. The false recovery concept is interesting to me. I think I always knew our "recovery" was false, but I felt so guilty thinking so. Turned out I was right, but was it self-fulfulling prophecy? Did WH sense and resent that I didn't trust him or fully appreciate his token efforts? Did he give up because he didn't think I would ever forgive him, or did he ever have any intentions of trying. I don't know, but right now I'm kind of stuck in some kind of he** and don't quite know what to do about it.

Thanks for listening,

Dulce

Orchid - good RB. Thanks

Dulce - in my humble opinion the reason why you're not recoving is because your WH is still in the affair. ALL efforts to work on your M are futile until the A ends. 100% of your attention should be put on busting the A up. There are are lot of people on the board thatcanhelp yhou with that if you start a new thread.

Was he in contact the whole year? What there a time when you know 1000% for sure that he and OW were NOT in contact?