Since I am now divorced, I am curious as to how useful internet dating (eHarmony) has been for members. I bit the bullet 10 days ago - joined eHarmony - and have now been contacted by 35 ladies in 10 days who want to communicate. (Do you have any idea how long you would have to sit in a bar to meet 35 gals near my age and available?) I would be so plastered and dead broke. Obviously, not all are serious, but I certainly feel better about my future. Possibly, I wouldn't be as lonely as I initially imagined. Your thoughts?

Wow Hobbes, that sounds like a lot! Good for you!

I've been on various online dating sites, eHarmony now for the second time, & have had some success.

I met one nice man, we dated for a few months. We dated causually but things didn't work out for us romantically. We are still friends however.

I've been on many dates, sometimes it took two to be sure we weren't a good. My approach is to meet lots of people as meeting a person I click with has a lot to do with numbers of men I meet.

As far as on line goes, I really don't see a way around in todays society. With schedules, family commitments, distance & what have you there just aren't the opportunities to meet people IRL with the same volume or information up front online sites provide.

Having said that, these sites aren't perfect. We likely overlook people we might click with based on a photo or a misunderstood statement in their profile. For me personally I hate the phone so I feel uncomfortable with phone conversations & probably come across as awkward or lacking in conversational skills. That's not at all me but just how the phone works for me before I know someone well.

The sites are a part of finding our next partners but I like to remain open to chance & opportunity IRL too.

I know someone who did and now he is getting married to who he met so i guess it works... mlhb

I got virutally no hits from eharmony so you are really lucky here.
You'll be way to busy with getting to know 35 people and won't have time to post on MB.

It has now been eleven days since I joined eHarmony. Forty-eight (48) possible partners have been provided. " I am now having to throw some back because "they prefer cats over dogs". lol.... Forty percent provide pictures. Newly, if you aren't getting such success, you must live in an isolateed island in the Pacific... Need other guys to join this.... Can't keep up.... :-) But a guy has to do, what a guy has to do! :-)

Hobbes, It sounds like you're enjoying the e-Harmony experience. Please keep posting to let us know how it's going. Have you met anyone who sounds interesting? Been on any dates yet?

I filled out the questionnaire and got 5 matches the first day, one who wants to communicate. I thought I'd have to join before I'd get any matches... Yikes! Although I'm divorced, I still have to go back to court July 10 for the property settlement so I don't even feel ready for dating.

I live in a pretty remote area and I'm in my mid-50's, so pickins are pretty slim. The matches all live 50+ miles away, so I guess I'm safe, for now, LOL!

LetsTry: --- It's up to 48 gals now... spending less time working.. more time communicating... mb going broke :-) Open communications with a very pretty nurse and a gal who is in the senior Olympic as a swimmer.. :-) If you in a remote area, you may have to expand the distance you are willing to travel. I, admittedly, live in a fairly conjested area in the mid-west. If I knew life would be like this at age 59, I might not have gotten married at age 21. Trust me, I'm average looking.. semi-intellegent... and have no idea why the activity.... but OK by me.... :-) Rock on.. :-)

Hobbes,

What you are seeing is fairly normal - you are going through the kid-in-the-candy store phase of someone recently divorced after a long marriage, and now getting back into dating. So many women, so little time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

What you will probably find is that the pretty nurse and the Olympic swimmer are not as perfect as you might think based on their profiles. Nor are most of the others, for that matter.

As you get more and more used to online dating, you'll find that there is a lot of dysfunction there (as in real life, of course!). And your job will be to know yourself and your needs well enough to identify what you want in a partner, and what you don't want to deal with. Hopefully you have spent the time thinking about this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

As for me, I went through about 400 matches on Eharmony before finding a person even remotely close to what I wanted. But boy, when this one lady came along, it sure made it all worthwhile! So, patience (and filtering) is definitely a virtue when it comes to online dating!

Other than that, I'd say enjoy getting to know these women better! Just realize that people do exaggerate in their profiles.

AGG

Use every avenue. It's hard to find someone you are connected with so you'll probably go out a lot before you do. Also, I highly recommend finding a singles group. I think that's the best way, because you meet the same group over and over...no pressures, no awkwardness and yet you get to know everyone well and you find out the ones you won't date at all and the ones that do meet what you may be looking for. Plus, it's fun. I went to ball games, outdoor theaters...etc. J & I still join them every now and then.

Good luck to ya!

Anna

A Good guy:

I realize you have your head on your shoulders..
Understand......

Nevertheless, to the point... I've been married 39 years, loved her beyond words, lost love of my life, both emotionally, sexually, and as my "best" friend. I "must" have fun now! Callous? I "have" to laugh, and, or, be comical. Trying to survive... I have been dumped. I begged for her to reconsider, I am far from perfect. Her infidelity. Devestating. I would surrender my left nut to have sex with her for an hour. I would have died for her.. fact. She has other plans. I am enormously lonely. Two and half years? I must move on. She has decided a different direction. I hear her voices at night. I wake at night while she stands over my bed.. tears...

So.... "gulp"... on to eHarmany. 48..... heh... and very pretty.. wish me luck.. Hope I'm worth it. Hope we're all worth it.. God Bless..

Hobbes,

AGG is right. Keep your feet on the ground, because while it's exciting at first, the lies, the people who aren't who they really are, few looking even remotely like their picture, telling women you don't want to see them, them telling you they aren't interested...it's not as great as it seems.

Overnight, I was thinking about this, and I want to tell you to just be cautious, you may think your ready to meet someone, but think you need to find happiness in your single life first. Although, I think you'll have to figure that out on your own and you will eventually get there.

There's so many different stages to go through of divorce, initial shock, you probably can't even remember much you did that first year you learned of the split because of so much shock. Some go through a stage of never wanting to be hurt again and say they'll never date. Then most go through the stage of lonliness and desperation needing to find someoone else immediately. Different people go through different emotions but none of them are ready for relationships.

But, if you make it through all your many emotions and don't get hooked up in a relationship too early, you'll go through a stage of independence, regrouping, feeling happy without any partner at all, and realizing you will be happy with or without a partner. That's when if someone came a long you would be ready.

I am not saying don't date. I am just saying, keep your feet on the ground, don't hook up with someone for the sake of not being lonely any more, and work on loving your life as it is now without a partner, then when you choose one, you'll be in a much better position to make the right choice for you.

Take care and good luck,

Anna

Wow , its great that you are having such luck and I truely hope you find what you are needing and looking for, but like said before, PLEASE be cautious.
I met my H on [email]Love@aol[/email] and he seemed perfect, great profile, great pic, very sweet, romantic etc. that was the bait and switch. I was not cautious, I was lonely after my first marriage ended after 24 yrs. Now I am married to my internet find and am lonely still :-(

Thank you all for your comments. It is occuring to me that since I was married for 39 years, and married when I was 21, I haven't a clue about dating.... I sort of suspected that I would treat all dates with the respect and dignity I always attempted to show towards ladies when I was married. I now read some of the posts on this site, and it seems so much more complicated. When to say this, when to do that.... Wow... I'm a babe in the woods.. I will be careful. But I have to admit, this is fun! Wish me luck. And thanks for comments.

Hobbes, I live within 50 miles of the largest city in the US, so that wasn't it.
It could be that your age group/traits are highly desired by the women on eharmony.
Good luck.

Newly:

Old, bald, stupid and broke? Highly-desired traits?

lol - :-)

Well then it must be your personality that came out strong on the personality tests. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Enjoy, with caution.

Hey, watch it with the "old" when referring to us well-seasoned folks... I don't know about the bald and broke, but you certainly don't sound stupid!

This is why I am saying to go slow and be careful. You are ripe for a rebound and/or getting very hurt and/or getting involved with a Ms. Wrong who will take your breath away but will be totally wrong for you.

Most of us have been there done that, and that is the key lesson - you cannot be ready for a relationship until you have healed and regrouped and learned to be alone. "Just dating" until then is fine, but that is very different from having relationships, which is what most people on Eharmony are looking for.

Be prepared that the first pretty female face that smiles at you will, at this point, make you feel like a million bucks. That's the whole "validation" feeling after being dumped. The trick is not to confuse that feeling with love <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

July:

Wow, I'm sorry. Things didn't go right first time.. and then second. Sorry.

In church sermon last week, minister said, "God doesn't wish bad stuff on us." "He" is the first to cry. I am now in pain. Be strong. I'm trying to be. You must be too. Love. :-)

As a middle aged guy in his 50's I have found it is easy to find dates, but very, very hard to find someone special.