***So , I guess i can suffer and not go on trips because you can't.***

This is why I don't think her offer to transfer means too much right now. Yes, transferring is a good thing if she's not just following OM, but the above sentence just shows she's still got the amazing selfishness typical of every WS.

***You know GTO, if the shoes were on the other foot, I would encourage you to go***

Oh, yeah, this is very typical too. My WH has told me he would be HAPPY if I went out alone socially with other men, as long as it's for "business" - in other words, if I do exactly what he does and date some attractive opposite-sex co-worker under the guise of "business." If YOU do it too, then it must be okay, and you can't tell THEM not to do it, now can you?

WS very often encourage the BS to engage in the same sort of destructive behaviour that the WS has engaged in.

She is still very, very much a WS.
Mulan

StillHere, I've talked to her about that, she does not buy into any of the MB concepts (or at least won't put them into practice), except to say that that I wasn't meeting her needs and that I should try now if I want her to stay. I'd laugh if it wasn't soo sad!

Yes she is still a WW, and this situation seems to put a damper on any move forward I thought we were making.

Some bad news concerning WW transfering to another school. She told me yesterday that she spoke to her HR rep and that the positions that she could transfer into are not desirable. She told me what they are, and she is correct, they are not very appealing positions/jobs, but than again, does she think that divorce is more appealing??? She did say that she would still "try" but she wasn't sure what would happen.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to say or write in response to her email. I've written 3 versions so far and I really don't like any of them.

GTO,
Just a quick question, your W states that if you came, then it would require an extra room. So both your W and your DD would be sleeping with her parents? That may be so, it just seems odd that they would want to share their room on an extended trip.

Also, your W doesn't have to buy into the concepts for you to start implementing them by actions & example (just don't use the key words if that will set her off).

I'm don't post frequently, but here's my attempt at an MB-type response that is loving, but firm. I hope others will come by to give you better suggestions.
N

Wife,

Thanks for letting me know your thoughts. I understand that you are excited to go on a trip like this and that it would be disappointing if we can't find a solution that helps us instead of hurts us. I want to suggest a few things that can help us reach a good resolution. For starters, it seems that my concerns and thoughts were misinterpreted a little, so I'll try to restate them.

This is not about me saying I don't want you to go on a trip just because I can't go on the trip. This is about me saying that I don't want either of us to do something that could cause more harm to our marriage and our happiness.

In other words, if your parents had invited you to go on a trip that did not include another single man, then I would have no problem with encouraging you to go on this trip. However, that is not the case.

This is also not about my "insecurity." This is about our promise to each other and ourselves to do things that benefit our marriage, and continue to build up love & trust for both of us, not harm those things. Going on this trip with a single man present while your husband is absent damages the love & trust we are building up. That damages our marriage, and in turn, each of us and our daughter.

Maybe your parents would consider having you and our DD as their only guests, instead of also inviting ____ (whatever his name is); or maybe they would consider dividing the trip between having you and DD as guests for part of the time and ___ for the other part of the time. If the latter case, then I would be able to get time off and join you on the trip for X weeks. Another suggestion is ______. You may have other suggestions, and I'm open to those as well. If none of these suggestions work, then let's plan a family vacation to XXX and YYY in ____ (August? September?). It could be a ______ present (anniversary? early Christmas?) to ourselves.

W, this can be an opportunity for us to find a solution or plan a trip that make us both happy. Let me know what you think.

GTO