Can anybody help me with Plan A?

Lots of us can!

Do you have a story somewhere where we can get some of the details of your sitch? I would help us alot to know some of the details. How long married? Children? Ages? LTA or ONS?

Let us know and we'll be glad to help.

My story is, I have been married for a little over 7 years and my husband left me almost 6 weeks ago. I have four kids. Three boys and one girl. ages are 6,5,3,1. He said the reason he left was because it has been my way for six years and I am controling and he never got to do anything with his friends. Well I found out by cell phone records that he has been talking to women on the internet since January. He is using lots of minutes on the cell phone. He also has been text messaging them also. He comes over every day to watch the kids so I can go to work. I love still and want to work it out but I am tired of the phone calls to these women. How long does it take for me to keep my mouth shut about the phone calls or should I confront him. He gets what he wants from me everyday and then talks to this women. What do I do. Play the game some more or what. I am at my last straw. Don't know what to do.

To start off with, I would not confront him yet!

Our first order of business will be to get information on what he is up to!

DO NOT let on that you are checking his cell phone records. If you do you will find that avanue of information will quickly be denied to you.

You mentioned that he is no longer in the house. Where is he living? w/ friends / relative / other?

You mentioned the internet? Do you have access to the computer that he is using to access the internet? If so one of my first orders of business would be to install a key logger. That would allow you to see where he is going and doing on the computer. At the very least I would install a key logger on your home computer.

Another good way of keeping tabs on a WS is putting a GPS tracker on his vehicle. It will let you know where he is going and how long he is there. There a many units of the market that will get that type of info for you. Some for as little as $300.

Do you have much contact? These are your primary opportunities to do your plan "A". Even if you want to bite his head off be pleasant to him when you see him.

Have you read the basic concepts section of this site? There is a lot of good information available there.

Stay Strong!

Hang in there Maria - there are a lot of helpful people that will come to your rescue. Walking is giving you a good start.

It's all very tough and confusing at first - welcoming someone back into your marriage that is trashing it - but it works. And confuses the heck out of 'em. I did a kind of shaky plan A which brough my WW back into the marriage. Now she's going through her own he** dealing with the guilt and the fallout from her A as the fog lifts.

Just know that it's important to find the love in yourself - and for yourself - that makes you want to do this. It's not enough just to want the marriage back. Wanting the marriage back is a good place to start - don't get me wrong. What surprised me about Plan A is how much it was about ME.

I am having a really tough time tonight. Feeling very insecure and depressed. I found out he is still talking to the OW and still telling me he loves me. I don't know who much more I can take.

That is very common, Maria. Think of him like a drug addict. His affair is like a fantasy, and will never work, but he doesn't know that, he just needs his fix.

Do you understand Plan A?

I caught him on the computer today. I was working came home and he is talking another women. Said I was sneaking up on him. He was mad cause he got caught. Thinks its ok to talk to other women on the internet. I tried to be calm but it didnt work. I started crying. It hurts. He said I am the same old way. That really hurt me too. No I dont have a plan A. I need help.

I'm sorry if some of the questions I'm about to ask are hard, but it will help us to get a plan of action for you.

Is there one OW or is it multiple? Do you know who she / they are?

Have you installed a key logger yet on your computer?

And you are right! He is made he was caught!

There is one women he talks to all the time and I think the is one other I dont know for sure. No I dont have a key logger yet. Dont know how about getting one. The one he talks to the most is in Georgia.

Here is a post by refresh -

I have used http://www.spytech-web.com/spyagent.shtml
It's a trial version for 10 days (I think) but it has been excelent for me. I got the password I was looking for the same day I had it installed. It's got the stealth mode.

I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut and not confronting him. Anybody have any suggestions. I also found out that he texted message her and said something about coming where she is at. What am I going to do.

Maria - You need to keep your mouth shut until you get more information. You need to figure out what is happening and with who.

Agreed. Fact find. Post your fears here. Do not bring them to your WH. You are in a war. The affair is the enemy. Don't give ANY advantage to the affair.

To me it is to hard to find out, what is going on when he is doing it on the cell phone. So beleiver how do I go about getting more info. How do I fight this war. I am at the end of my rope. I am stressed and worn out. Very overwelhmed. I am at a loss, what do I do.

Install a key logger. That will tell you what is going on on the computer. Can you get the cell phone bill?

If this is getting to be too much for you, see your doctor for some anti-D's. They help.

You need to stay in Plan A. Do you understand it?

No i dont understand plan A. I dont know what plan a is. I do have his cell phone records. I just purchased a key logger also.

Plan A is where you show him what a great wife you can be, with no angry outbursts, or disrespectful judgements. You need to be pleasant, and work on any things that he might have complained about.

It also includes exposure of the affair to anyone who could help. So you need to do some checking and find out exactly what is going on.

Are you able to eat and sleep?

Thank you so much for the info. I eat once a day and sleep for about six hours.

You might need to see a doctor for some anti-D's.

How was the marriage before all of this happened?