This year had been a rough year. A few weeks before he left he had threatened to leave but I talked him out of it. He kept telling me I am controling and tired of it being my way. I had put alot of hours in at week this year and not really into sleeping with him either. I was either tired or something. I do have four young kids though. Working forty hours and coming home to four kids is exhausting. So I know, I have done some things wrong. I know I have been to controling and took him for granted. I have been changing that though. I thank him all the time and tell him how much I appreciate him. Just all around I am thinking about him more. Appreciating him for what he has done and letting him know that. Don't know if he pays attention to it or notice's it. I also have lost about 20 lbs too. But I feel like I am in limbo and I am tired of it. ITs out of my control.

Four kids is not easy. You can try to figure out if you were really controlling or not. That is his perception, but sometimes they just say things like that.

He works too, and has he always helped with the children?

Ws' babble about control. Don't let him make you think control is a bad thing. Throw his words back at him and ask him.....to provide examples of when control is a bad thing. Don't ASSUME he is right with his accusations. You may find that when you ask him to clarify or prove his babble, he can't and there is when you have him by his...... babble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

yes, he works overnight and then watches the kids while I go to work. One is in school and one in preschool. the other two stay home. So he doesnt get much sleep but he gets less sleep now cause he is on his cell phone all the time with the OW. He has been a very good father. He has played Mr. MOM a lot cause of my job. He was a great dad and he still loves his kids very dearly. It has been six weeks since he has been gone. He is just now telling me he loves me but I also know he is telling the OW that he loves her too.

Any man having an A is NOT loving his family. To say he is being a good father WHILE having an A sounds a bit dysfuncational and quite a blow to fathers who are NOT having an A, don't you think?

He isn't getting enough sleep. So the A isn't healthy either. Then you expect him t/b on his toes watching the children? Sounds like an accidnet waiting to happen.

JMHO,
L.

You are a little harsh aren't you. I agree he is not being a very good father now because he doesn't give the children the time they need either. The funny thing is our sex life it alot better. Explain that one. Or is he just using me?

MW -

There are all kinds of strange dynamics w/respect too sex that can occour during an A. The excitment of the A, being desired by another woman is likely increasing his drive.

An A DESTROYS families. Period. Does a good father take active steps to destroy what he is supposed to love and cherish above all else?

Perhaps your WH is putting just enough effort into the family to get you to excuse his affair. Which you are doing by blaming it on yourself and calling him a good father. Maybe he WAS a good father. Maybe he CAN be again. Not now.

Yeah, I probably am blaming it on my self but I want to work it out. I don't want to give up on the marriage. I gave him two weeks to decide what he wants. That will be 2 months that he has been out of the house. He has never sat down and talked to me about me and him. I am just tired of not knowing anything. Was the two weeks a good thing or bad thing to say? Sometimes I feel like I am deseparate. I always have to ask him if he has seen improvements in me. I have been going to a counselor. And he agrees that I have done some changing. I understand your point.

I need advice and I need it now. I found out on history on internet explorer that he is checking this Ow out in Georgia and Some of the sites he is looking makes me wander if he is going to leave here and move there. Keeps looking to see if she is married. I did find out her name. What am I going to do?

Personally, I would consult an attorney, and secure my finances and child support. That is a must. My kids dad left us in California, and moved to Florida. It was 10 times harder to try to hunt him down for child support. In fact, I never did get any.

Do you think I should confront him? What should I do? Just stick with Plan A.

Stick with Plan A. You want to be an attractive alternative to his fantasy - and that is all it is. But I would also take steps to protect your family.

It is very hard to stick to plan A when you think he could just take off whenever he wants. I thank you so much for your in put. I will try to stay with plan A as much as possible. I will be so devasted if this does not work out.

How long should I continue with Plan A? Any suggestions

The Harley's suggest 3 months for a female. It seems like a long time, but once you get into it, it starts feeling natural.

This is just to give him a glimpse of all that he will be missing with you. Then you do a very dark Plan B.

The Harleys recommend 3 mos for a woman and 6 mos for a man. It's all up to you though. Did you say you've read through all the material on this website - not the forum - and read Surviving an Affair?

Did you install a keylogger?

Have you made an appointment with one of the Harleys?

I installed a key logger...he is talking to all kinds of women. He is talking to one today about going out with her tomorrow night. What do I do? I need a response ASAP. I do I stay in Plan A mode? Knowing he might be going out with a another women? What am I going to do?

I wouldn't say anything. If you do, you will lose your source of information. Try to see if you can figure out where they are meeting. Then you can "accidentally" show up near there.

What is plan B? Where do I go read about it? I dont know if I can do Plan A another month. Maybe its not worth it.

You do Plan B after you have done a good Plan A. Try to hang in there a little longer.