Does anyone have any advice for me????

Don't try to figure her out - other than to conclude she's a lost lamb.

Please post your Plan B letter - unless you did it separately and I missed it.

WAT

Here is my letter----

xxxx,

This is probably the hardest letter I have ever had to write and it is with the saddest of hearts that I must write this to you. I am deeply and truly sad because of what has happened to our marriage, us, and most of all our family. Please understand that I am not writing this out of spite, anger, or as a punishment towards your decisions. Everything that I have done over the last 90 days are actions I must take, they are not actions of choice but for my own self preservation and the best interest of the boys.
First, let me start by telling you that I still do truly love you with all of my heart. I love you more than you may ever know and I will not allow those feelings to die. I love you with more passion than the day that I married you and I do wish to stay married to you with all my heart in a loving, caring, and respectful relationship.
You made a comment to me recently that I never really got over (a high school sweetheart). You couldn’t have been more wrong. Sarah hurt me and it was hard for me to trust any girl again. But she wasn’t my first love xxxxx…you were, are and always will be my first love, and my one true love. Over the last 90 days I have been thinking about all the good times we shared together and as a family. I remember having water fights in the back yard with the boys, you and I staying up late together on Christmas Eve to wrap the boys presents, how we used to make those long drives from Wichita to the Lake so much fun (switching seats while the car was still going), going to Cardinals games together, I continue to remember all the good times we did have in our life together. I remember that at least once a week since we have been together, that I would wait for you to go to sleep and just look at you sleeping peacefully and thanking God for blessing me with you in my life.
We did have some bad times too; every relationship has its ups and downs. I wish so very much that I could take back what happened between us 2 years ago. I wish I could take all the pain away that I caused you. All I can say is I am truly and deeply sorry and it hurts me everyday to know the hurt and pain that my actions caused you. Forgive me for that.
I am also sorry that I didn’t give you the attention you needed and deserved from me. I realize now the places I was lacking in, I just didn’t realize until now how important those things were for us. I do know that now, and I know how to make sure these things never happen again. I would love the chance to prove that to you, and build a new marriage that is better than anything we could have ever imagined, where we both can feel safe, loved, respected, and cherished by each other.
Unfortunately, after our conversation Tuesday and seeing you in such a mixed up state, and I hurt knowing that you don’t want my help or your families help through this. Because of that I am now beginning to feel some of those thoughts and feelings slowly starting to fade and before I lose those feelings I must take some drastic steps to insure I do not lose those feelings for you and our marriage.
As far as the boys go, I will never restrict you from seeing them or remove them from your life. I would never do that to them.
You may communicate with me through the mail, email, text-messages, and I will do the same. If you need to reach me for something important or need to speak with the boys, than you can call my cell.
I am asking you xxxxx, to please respect my decisions. You know the deep pain and humiliation I have suffered because you have gone outside our marriage to meet your personal needs for counsel and support. I cannot have any further personal contact with you and this is necessary to preserve my love for you and avoid killing all that we have shared together and possibly give our marriage a chance for survival. I will always be here to discuss our future together, the choice is yours.
I love you in so many ways, as my best friend, my girlfriend, my lover, my wife, and wonderful mother of my children. I still love you today, as always.

xxxx

WAT,
Here is a my letter...I have already sent it to her.

Yes, I saw it.

I might have recommended some minor changes, but since you sent it, no matter.

I recommend you be prepared to state what your conditions are for restoring contact with her. Some folks include this level of detail in their Plan B letters. You didn't, so be prepared to communicate it when she seeks contact. In brief, your conditions might be: ending all contact with OM, counseling, and stopping the divorce (if it hasn't already taken place).

Make sure your attorney gets a copy. Consider sending a copy to OM and her family.

WAT

My attorney has made it very clear that we cannot use an affair against her...the court doesn't care about those issues. He knows the judge personally and said that it doesn't matter who's having an affair, that the welfare of the kids is what matters. He said that this particular judge doesn't lean towards awarding the mother primary custody...that whom ever is the most fit will get primary custody. Which given that I have been the constant parent throughout that should be me and my attorney felt the same way.
As for giving her conditions she is aware of what she needs to do to attempt to reconcile. However, she has made it very, very clear that she no longer loves me or has feelings for me and has no intentions of stopping the divorce.

It's a sad commentary on our society when the irony in opinions like this can pass unchallenged.

We need more judges who have been BSs.

WAT

I am in the same situation if we get a divorce; the affair cannot be used against her for custody purposes unless it can be proven that it adversely affected the child's health or welfare.

Now anyone with common sense would say it adversely affects the child, but the law in my state doesn't see it that way.

I do agree with Worthatry, it should have included the conditions of ending the separation. She may need to be reminded of them if she ever comes out of the fog.