I hope so.

My H and I are tentatively meeting this evening to go over "the document" and make changes. I hope and pray that we can work through everything and agree on it so I can take to my attorney on Tuesday.

My H keeps saying that I am really pushing for D and I want to get it over w/quickly so I must have someone I want 2 B with. I keep saying "no" but that waiting will accomplish nothing b/c the damage is done and we can't go back. The choices have been made that make reconciliation impossible.

He apparently is going to deny to the end and that's okay. I know the truth.

I really do want it over quickly. I would like my daughter to start high school settled into our new home. This would give us the summer to find a place and get it all set up.

By the way, did your daughters graduate high school? What are your plans now?

L2S, I think the comment your H made about you must have someone else, since you want to push this D. He says that, because that is from his OWN mindset. That WOULD be the case for him! Don't let him lay that on YOUR lap. Just don't engage in that conversation with him. Dismiss it if it comes up again. You have your reasons for the D, and you DON'T have to spell it out for him. He knows, he is just trying to excuse himself of his own behavior.

Yes, my twins did graduate!! PRAISE GOD! My XH was here, and it all went well. He is still obnoxious, but tolerable. Only because I knew that his visit was temporary, and I don't have to live with it full time.

I think I told you that my X fiance and I broke up. We are still friends. He wanted to attend the graduation, but was unable to, because of his job, and his kids aren't out of school, yet. But he called the girls, and sent them his love. He still plans to come out for a visit, and this makes me kind of nervous, because I haven't seen him in person, since before the breakup. I'm afraid that "seeing" him will bring out my weakness for him. But I feel I made the BEST decision with this, and watching my girls receive their diplomas last week, was one of the benefits of the choice I made. My plans are, to get thru this next year for my youngest girl. She will graduate next year. THEN I will be free to pursue whatever comes along that I think would be a healthy thing for me.

Anyway, L2S, you take care and hang in there. I think you are doing AWESOME, and you definately deserve a new beginning with you and your daughter! Don't allow his "words" to pull you down. He's just a sore loser. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

(((L2S)))

Jen

Hey Jen.

Wow, you almost have your kids grown. My daughter will be STARTING high school this year. Seems like yesterday that it was kindergarten.

You too have your whole life ahead of you. I pray that everything will work out well for you and I really hope and pray that God has someone awesome just waiting in the wings.

My H and I had dinner and then actually went through the document from my attorney and made all necessary changes; we agreed on everything. We fought to begin with; we both got mad. There's so much anger and bitterness in both of us that it's hard not to let it spill out.

Anyway, we got through it and said our goodbyes. We both said the words "it's over". He kept pinning me down and kept saying "okay, it's over - this is really what you want - there's no putting it back together". He was saying it as if to say "if there's a chance tell me now; otherwise, I'm moving on tonight". I don't know what his plans were but we both left the house at the same time.

I'm so hurt and confused by everything. But, I know what I know. A month ago he was spending the night w/her in another city and was wanting to D me in order to pursue a R w/her; I heard him on the tapes professing his undying love for her. Now, he wants to rebuild our marriage and has never loved anyone like he does me. He was telling her the same thing 4 weeks ago.

This is one of the hardest things I've ever done. This is my 2nd D but, w/my first, he moved to the other side of the country the day after he signed the papers. I've never had to contend w/running into him, seeing him w/someone else, etc. But, then again, I have seen my H w/the OW. Maybe it won't cut like a knife the second time.

Oh well, please pray that I've done the right thing and that what I'm doing is in God's will. Please pray that I can let go of the anger and bitterness that I currently feel and that I will truly be able to forgive him for what he has done and that he can forgive me for what I've done.

God bless.

(((HUGS, L2S)))

I truly believe you are doing the right thing, L2S!! Just remain true to yourself, and you'll go a LONG ways! It hurts, but the pain will ease.

Take Care, Hon...

Jennifer

He's still trying to convince me that what I have heard and seen is all a lie. That people are just trying to set him up. He is still trying to talk me into another chance.

For so long he has had the power to convince me that blue wasn't really blue even though I was looking at it. He is so smooth and I know that's what the OW experienced as well.

I don't know what's going on w/them but I know if I caught them together today he would say that I told him it was over so he's moving on. I know that he has a rational explanation (in his mind anyway) for everything that has gone on.

I plan to make changes to papers today so I can get to attorney first thing tomorrow. I hope to have a good document for him to sign Tues or Wed. My fear is that he won't sign it.

I really don't want to fight over it anymore. I just want it over but I believe in my gut that it won't be over without a nasty fight. I believe in my gut that he is going to tell people about my past. I believe that he is going to be nasty like I've never seen him be before. I hope I'm wrong but I'm afraid I'm not.

BUMP...

(((Hugs))) How have you been holding up?

Hey!
I've been doing okay but I still haven't sent changes to attorney. I can get so close and then I freeze. I have been reading a Charles Stanley book about how to let God solve your problems. I've really been praying for yet more signs. We had a pretty nasty argument today over NOTHING.

I know what I have to do. It's just really hard. I truly admire the men and women who post on here who say "enough" and mean it; those who move forward.

I'm planning to come home after church, type out the changes and email them to the attorney. I should then hear from them tomorrow or Friday.

I need to move forward and give him the opportunity to start a new life as well. I know it's over; it's been over for years. I'm just having a hard time accepting it.

For anyone who reads this, please continue to pray that God will give me peace, wisdom and strength to do what I and many others believe must be done.

Hey, L2S. Charles Stanley is the book we use in our bible study! Great book!

Keep the faith. You are going in the right direction, and getting a little farther everyday. Look how far you have come, just since we've been chatting!! It may seem like forever, but it really isn't. Before you know it, you will be on a solid road to someplace healthy for you and your daughter!

You are in my thoughts and prayers, L2S! Keep moving forward, like you've been doing. You've been doing GREAT!

Jennifer

In my gut and in my head I believe I am moving in the right direction. It's my heart that doesn't want to get w/the program.

When I had someone telling me what was going on and I had the tapes to listen to both kept me focused on moving forward and getting it over with. Now that both of those are gone I'm back to not knowing what's a lie and what's the truth. He wants me to believe that nothing really happened and that I am believing a lie and that the tapes were a setup and that what I think I know is not true.

He's so smooth. He's kept me going at this for 9 years and I'm really torn. I keep allowing my heart to take me down memory lane to better times and I miss that man. I'm so pathetic!!!

Anyway, I sent the papers to the attorney today. I think he's signing a loan tomorrow to refi the house and get the $ to pay me. I guess I just need to let it all happen. God can change if it's His will. I know that a lot of people on this site have gone through a lot of stuff and have made their marriages work. I don't believe that's the case w/mine but only God knows best. If he puts up a roadblock I'll have to reassess but I don't think that will happen.

I'm asking anyone who reads this and believes in the power of prayer to pray that I'm taking the right step, pray for peace for both of us and pray for healing for both of us. A legal document won't do away w/the love. I really need to get past the emotion of it all. It's way too painful right now.

Anyway, thanks for listening and thanks for the prayers.

Another Bump...

Yoo Hoo, anyone home??

Hey, I'm here.
How are you?
Went to church. Had the usual "have fun at church" call from my H. It's okay that he will probably end up at OW's parent's home today;SS's travel trailer had flat tire and the parents conveniently lived nearby; convenient for him to go there today and possibly see OW. It's okay that OW calls him about baby stuff that her D wants to give my SS.

Heard 3 messages today: Charles Stanley, Joel OSteen and my own preacher; all were about choices and God allowing adversity in our lives to strengthen us and draw us nearer to him. My church message was about sin being a choice and about it being no one's fault but your own that you sin. That spoke to me regarding my WH trying ot convince me that his A was my fault b/c I wasn't there.

Got to run D to church you function. Be back soon.

Hey, L2S! I'm glad you are still going to church!

I haven't been going as often, lately, since my pastor and his wife moved away. I was crushed when they left. I didn't think there could ever be another couple that could inspire or reach me the way that they did.

Last week, I got a phonecall from my church, telling me I should attend (today), because there was going to be a pastor and his wife there, and they wanted to include me in the voting.

Turns out that these people are absolutely wonderful! I was able to accept them, without comparing them to the previous couple. And he preached with such passion! Something I really take notice of in a pastor. Keeps me focused.

My spark had been burning out. But today was different. Better than it had been in a long time. And today's experience actually demonstrated the saying that goes:

"When one door closes, another opens".

I'm now eager to get back into it, again! Especially since the latest changes in my life.

(((L2S))) Everyday will get brighter, it's just a matter of time! And you've been doing AWESOME! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

I'm so glad. I think about you alot and wonder how you're doing. Our church lost our pastor about 3 years ago and I too was devastated. The replacement is totally different and not as in touch w/his members as I think he should be. I compare him to the old one and I shouldn't. I really miss the other one.

I need to spend lots more time praying for both rather than trying to pick him apart.

I'm really hanging on to all that I've been hearing about God's best, doors opening, blessings, etc. I'm really having a hard time. I wish I wasn't still emotionally attached but I am. I wish I could make myself cut him loose but I can't. I hang on just like he does.

I know that too much has happened to go back but I wish so much that he hadn't crossed that line. I think my biggest problem is that I'm still in limbo; no house, not married but not divorced, too unsettled in most aspects of my life. Maybe when my D and I get a house things will start to look up. He goes tomorrow to sign papers to refi house to get $ to pay me. I'll probably hear from attorney tomorrow also.

I know it needs to happen but I am so torn and hurt by it all. Will those feelings ever end; will my heart ever mend?

Yes, L2S, those feelings WILL end and your heart WILL mend! It's all a process, Honey. I know it is very difficult to emotionally detach yourself from someone, even if they've hurt you. But it CAN happen, (detaching, that is). Even if you can't imagine it, right now, it truly IS something that can take place in your heart.

Just look forward to the days to come, when you feel peace and silence within yourself. Just KNOWING those days will come, can really give you a piece of mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Just hang in there. What you are feeling is completely normal, and it's just all part of the process. It will get better, L2S!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Jen

i am new here , but i too am going through a terrible time with my wife and you do have my thoughts and prayers . my god guide you as i pray he does us all

Like I said before, if I could just get my heart in line with my gut and my head I'd have this thing licked. Also, being around him and talking to him really makes it hard but I'm having a hard time breaking away.

I know that he will be fine and I know that someone else will be worrying over him. He has already moved on which is why we're where we are now, among other things.

I need to work on the codependent part of me that thinks I need to rescue him and thinks that if I lose him I am not worth having anyone else in my life.

Boy do I sure have lots of work to do.

I really need to go to the other site. I really need some help with the other part of my problem - me!

Oddmanout,
Thanks for the prayers. I went to your posts and read your story. I hope that everything is okay w/your wife. I thank you so much for thinking of me while you're in the midst of such turmoil yourself.

There are really some great folks who post here. They've been through a lot in their own lives and are very qualified by life, if not degree, to give you help and hope.

By all means snoop. But, don't give your suspicions away. If she is having an affair and she figures out what you're doing, she'll just become more secretive. And by all means don't go crazy on her and become violent. My WH did that and that's now a big part of my own problem and, once you do it, you can't take it back.

I used to add a signature that says "Harsh words don't break bones but they do break hearts". How you react now will help or hurt you in the future.

Just listen to the advice here.