cont/d..
LA...Do I understand that this may be what you are suggesting by..."What if it was'nt the lentgh of Plan A, but the intensity"?.
ie-reduce the intended 6 months but concentrate on making my efforts of discussion and conversation more intense?.

Or, perhaps there is not much worthwhile I can do with Plan A.

If I demand that WW leaves the home, say within 2 weeks, and she refuses or can't for practical reasons...what then?.
I suppose I have salvaged my self respect to some extent.

But perhaps I could then say..."In that case, no more staying out all night".

Just thinking it through aloud1.

Perhaps the time has come to initiate Plan B.
If so, I have drafted a note for my WW, which I could leave for her to read after she returns from her night of shagging tomorrow.
I will probably saddle up early and return late morning by which time she should have returned.

to be cont/d

Dear WW,
Have gone off for my morning ride, and will see you later.

I am unable to tolerate this obscene and horrid adultery any longer.
And J.... knows what is going on and I am certain it is affecting him.
And G I am sure has an idea of what's going on and must be told what is exactly happening...and that Mum and Dad love her.
continue..

After all, we are still married and, although you say we are separated, I have not agreed to it.

So I am politely telling you to leave this house, which I and the children are perfectly capable of looking after, say within the next 2 weeks.

It is up to you where...you have several cronies and friends who would I am sure be pleased to put you up.

We can discuss detail later.

Even if you think it is time for Plan B. Please do not act on this yet!

There will be many details to work out how you will handle Plan B. Arrangements for visitations with YD? Seperations of Financials? How do you remove WW from the house? Letting your DD's know what you are doing and why.

Alot of details to work through and actions to anticipate.

On a lighter note: My two oldest daughters just had their first "Drill Team" meeting of the year.

In the U.S. "Drill Team" refers to schronized choreagraphed movements of Horse / Rider teams. Drill teams can consist of as few as 9 Horse / Riders to 60+.

The first meeting generally consists of introducing the Horses / Riders and simple tandom movement exercises.

They hold various competitions between Drill teams throughout the U.S.

Hopefully we'll get to talk more about our four footed companions later.

WTF,
Thanks for that. I do not actually feel ready for Plan B yet. I still feel I need to work on Plan A for as long as I can despite the distastefulness of WW's continuing adultery. We have been making headway with communication and she still has obvious love for me.

I am glad you "reined me in to halt" on this as I had doubts re the timing.
Its possibly a matter of how long I should allow WW's adultery continue....not that I can easily stop it!

Or she could be "playing" you while she makes arrangements for her own financial security. While she's placating you, she's likely talking to her lawyer about separation agreements, custody arrangements, etc.

Never underestimate the deviousness of a WS. A's bring out the absolute worst in people.

MIM,
Thanks for waking me up on this point. I had thought of this.
I had better get some legal advice just in case.

I feel all the recent advice has been helpful and sensible.
But its then mainly a matter of timing.
I intend to obtain legal advice so I am more ready to put Plan B into action at any time. WW may have had some legal consultation..I don't know...but I do not think she will spoil the present situation.

I am still intending to carry on with Plan A as long as I can. I will have to risk the effect of the continuing adultery on a future reconciliation, but feel it is more important to continue the "friendly" and communicative relationship for now.

A brief contact!
I was almost persuaded by all your kind advice to put Plan B into action the other day, but decided it was too soon.
I know I have gone through the exposure and still telling others but I do feel I should continue with Plan A for as long as I can. WW spent Friday and last nights with OM but I am still here and "san"!.
I have made her aware of how much it hurts and how disgusting and repulsive I find it...and would stop it if I could.
She knows I love her and I know there is "love" there for me...she knows she is hurting me but can't help it.

Through my reading, research and discussions here I feel I can fully understand the situation...in fact far more than WW can...of what has happened and is happening.
Its almost like caring for a mentally sick person!.

I feel that to evict her now would be wasting much of the stress and effort I have so far put into this sordid mess.

The ongoing adultery may well make any future reconciliation more difficult....and I may well lose my love for her over the next few months.....that's a risk I have to take.

Any I have a new life planned should this happen.

But I do feel that if I "evicted" WW now it would almost be as if I had had a knee jerk reaction and thrown her out after the Affair was admitted.

WW is completely infatuated...(deeply in love?) with this loathsome OM. But I am hoping OM will end the relationship in some during the next few moths.

Meanwhile, I will be ready to put Plan B into action at any time though preferably not before early 2007.

I hope I am showing a certain strength of character in that I have made clear my disgust at the continuing adultery....but am surviving well and cheerfully despite this.

Incidentally, I recall a while back I had said several times what a shame this has happened after all these intimate years together..not a bad marriage..sharing good and bad times..etc.. ther had been little reaction but she did not disagree.

But the other day, for the first time, she made a similar comment about our past marriage...which surprised me!!

Your continued help, comments, criticism ...is encouraged.

Done in a rush...as postings "dissapearing" sorry for the few typing errors!.

Incidentally..18 year old son now knows all about this. He is ready to flatten OM next time he sees him!.

He cannot see what his mum can see in OM. In his opinion and knowing all about OM, he thinks the Affair will come to an end this year...hope he's right!

No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. You are enabling the affair by refusing to instill any boundaries whatsoever. If the roles were reversed, do you think your wife would continue to accept such humiliation and disrespect from you without consequences?

What messages are you really giving your wife when you continue to allow her to screw her lover and maintain all of the material benefits of your marriage? Why would your wife respect a husband who sits on the sidelines knowing his wife is being screwed by another man and accepting all of this pain? Clearly she has no respect for you at all. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

I know you are trying to help and I appreciate it...but for the moment I am going to continue with Plan A. I do feel it is my best option for the moment.
I tell her it is revolting and disgusting and I would stop it if I could.
So I feel I am not actively supporting it...if I "evict" her now (Plan B) she will still be committing adultery.
My 18 year old son rang her at midnight last night and told her to come home , saying he had had enough of it.

I am not ready for Plan B, but will get myself ready to launch it at an appropriate time.

I think it is excellent that your 18 year old called her. It is one thing that you show disgust by her affair which apprently does not bother her, but having your son indicate the same feelings has got to be very disturbing to her. Maybe it will wake her up out of the fog.

Bry,
I am sorry I don't feel ready to act on your advice right now, but no doubt will have to in due course. But all comments are appreciated and give me several options.

Yes, I am sure my 18 year old contacting her has shaken her a bit. And he is her favourite by far of all our 4 children. (By the way, I love them all equally!).

I think my stated disgust of the Affair does bother her, but not enough to have any obvious effect yet. I have to accept that she is in this fantasy world for now.