Well, I don't know about the motorcycle ride--bugs in the teeth doesn't strike me as terribly romantic, but...I suppose it's up to the participants. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I see good signs in your husband's words and his patience. That’s in stark contrast with his intransigence on stopping all contact with OW. I don’t know how to get across to him that continued contact, even if it is just her calling him, is enormously disrespectful and seems to be the biggest sticking point right now to recovery. He must come to the realization he’s setting a “friendship” above his wife, his partner in marriage. This would be an excellent thing to bring up in couples counseling. Additionally, the book Not “Just Friends” by Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., might be an excellent read for him. (If the mail service is still poor there, perhaps one of the other delivery choices is in order?)

Hang in there, NC. You’ll get through to him somehow.

No luck on CC, I cancelled all appt. because H didn't want to go. Said I was making him do something he didn't want to! I did tell him last night that it seems to me that he's picking her over me because he still talks to her. I said it's like you're leaving the door open to start an A in the future. Of course, he said NO! What else did I expect? I think I'm just going to have to peck away at this problem and the CC thing. I think just very slowly, keep PLan A'ing, without showing all the pain and hurt to him that I was before the hitting day! I was trying to teach him a lesson, teach him what he had done to me! Not an option, I just need to stay on track with the positive, right? Tues. was an eye opening day!

Absolutely, NC. Stay on message and do your darndest to concentrate on the positive things that are happening and shrug off the negative ones. That doesn't mean you don't keep mentioning your boundary. He needs to know you aren't budging. Let time and your efforts work on him.

Ya'll are so wonderful!

Tempinsanity- Baby, I worried about you, if you're reading keep your head up! We're all in this thing together!

Well, today at lunch, H and I were talking about him getting off early today. See he was really getting off early to go to CC w/ me. But He backed out, so since he's taking the time we're going on a date.

Anyway, I said "Maybe one of these days we'll actually go to CC", and he said "Yeah, one of these days, we'll get around to going!" What could he be waiting on? I mean I was excited that he's not completely close minded about it! However, I don't want to schedule an appt. and have him cancel again, making me look like the fool, as if I don't have that role downpat!

As for as OW contacting him, and H not calling her, I truely think she's trying to scr*w with my marriage. I would love to find out what H thinks about her calling him a lair, and telling me one thing and then, telling him something else. Do you think he'll see that, or is it a fog thing?

Oh, I wanted to know what everyone thinks about flyers saying something like "_________ had an A with a married man!" I spoke with my lawyer and he said as long as it was the truth, I could get in trouble for it. I love the idea but I don't think it would be good for my marriage! I do think it would be pretty funny to see them lined up on the cars in her apt. complex! Would that be just mean?

Ahhhhhh...I don't know why your lawyer said you could get in trouble for it. It's not libel if it’s true. However, comma, Steve Harley has said in the past a betrayed spouse should do everything BUT put exposure up on billboards. I’m pretty sure he’d consider handbills in the same category as a billboard. There would be some personal satisfaction in seeing her face when she saw them, but neighbors generally do not have any influence over OW to pressure the adultery to end. I think doing this would be seen as petty and spiteful, in addition to not having any substantive effect.

Have you exposed at her workplace, btw? When are these calls anyway? Is there a chance she’s calling on a company-owned phone or using company time to make those calls? If so, her boss (or the HR director) is a good target for exposure.

No, I meant to say I couldn't get in trouble for doing it! Well, if he recommends not doing it then it has to be a good idea not to do it! As far as pressuring her at work, she's a bus driver with no family except her kids that I know of. Kind of in a pickle about this one!

well, H and I had a great night! I felt like I was on a REAL date! We jumped on the motorcycle, headed to the next town, just because we hadn't been to this perticular restuarant in years. The ride itself was wonderful, the smell of fresh cut grass in the air, and the wind in your face. It was GREAT! well, we briefly spoke about the A, adn H said that having contact with her was something he knew he had to give up but it was hard. I told him I understood, but that how am I to trust him and be able to move on without that. We spoke a little more and he asked to change the subject because he wanted to have a good night. We talked about the kids, work, some personal beliefs, ate, and rode home. I was in a great mood when we got there. H parked the bike in the garage and we had to walk to the nieghbor's to help with something. I walked to the steps, and callled him over to me telling him that before the night was over I wanted a kiss. H laughed at me because I said I felt like we were on a real date, like in college! We pecked each other, laughed a little more, and went to the neightbor's house!

I won't mention what happened after we got home but we did have a great night! I think it took him a lot to say that he knew he needed to give OW up, but that it was just hard. There's been no PA since last Dec. It's strictly been phone calls, bumping into each other at the store, and text messages. H seems really sincere, and he even said that he didn't get mad when I was hitting on him Tues., because he figured that I needed it. So, how's that for Plan A'ing? I know that he wants to make us work, the only problem that remains is getting her out of the picture!

Excellent, NC. A lot different from last Tuesday when you felt like the world was crashing down huh? I won't belabor the point, lady. Just remember last night's progress when the next "Tuesday" comes along, okay? It'll help keep you sane.

So, what are your thoughts about how to get full no contact in place?

I really don't know about how to get NC in place. I can say that I'm standing my ground about it, and before I went to bed, I wrote on the bathroom mirror: "Thank you for a spectaular night. I firmly believe that things will get better, but you have to place your Ace!" I really sure he got the point and knew what I was talking about. I really don't want to pressure him, so I don't LB but at the same time, I want to reaffirm my position. I'm open to any suggestion! I would love for him to do a NC call or letter, but I don't see that happening! His heads still in the fog, where's OW concerned. H doesn't same to think that she's trying to break up us and that she's good. I did point out to him last night that she lied about not sleeping with him, he's the one getting all the punishment, and she's walking around scottfree with no consequences, putting H in a position to (figuretivly speaking) to get hit by the truck! I figured I would let him ponder that awhile!

I will definitly keep in mind last night in mind! I hope to keep pulling that off! Today, we had lunch together, and I told him, that I realized that he wasn't responsible for me happiness! That I was the only one who was responsible for that, he can contribute to my happiness, but altimately that I determined it! H clapped (picking on me). So, I think we're headed in the right direction!

You're heading in the right direction, but you can be derailed if no contact doesn't get implemented. You can "force" no contact by going to Plan B at some point, but I hope it can be done sooner and without the angst of going dark. Let's get some other opinions here.

How about starting a new thread asking for input on how to get a commitment to no contact (NC)? If you do, include what your husband said about knowing he needed to, but it being hard and anything else that's relevant.

Done deal! I look forward to hearing the suggestions! I would like others opinions on my situation in general. I mean is there anything else that you guys see that I could be doing or handling better! Something I may be missing!

K, I'm going to stay off the new thread and watch. Keep up with the Plan A. What are you doing for yourself this weekend? Don't forget that part of the plan.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I really don't have anything in mind for the weekend. I guess I do need to think of something for me. I would like to finish reading SAA, and start HNHN, but I probably should do something outside of the A world! I do need to finish the signs for the neighbors with my router! I really don't know, I also need to weed the garden. It had even crossed my mind to take my three year old to see "Over The Hedge," I know I would die laughing with him! So, many things to do!

Good Morning everyone! Well, I decided to do a little garaeg sale shopping this morning! YS loves going to see what kind of toys he can find! He ended up with a basketball and some Fisher Price tools, two gallon bags! He's thrilled and outside right now working on something! LOL

H's at work, he's moving from one shop to another! Hopefully, he won't be going to the convenient store where he met OW, because it's a little out of the way! Not much but a little! I hope that he doesn't work all day since he's just moving all of his tools. I think it's God sent that he's moving right now, I wish it had been months ago, but then again I may have never found out what was going on!

I was up at 6 this morning, as usual I couldn't sleep! I'm still waking up three or four times a night! I might try taking a sleep aid tonight! It's been weeks since I've slept all night! I'm trying not to sit around and lick mu wounds all day, trying to keep my mind off this whole mess. I was abused as a child and had to move in with my grandparents for a few years, but that doesn't come close to all the trauma I've been through recently. I just have to keep my head up, shoulders back, and feet on the ground!

Well, I guess I going to try to keep myself busy, as well as my mind! I can't wait to see what Monday and Tuesday hold, they seem to be the days that H and I are having trouble getting because OW calls him those days!

Can you remind me again how long does withdrawal last after the last contact?

Have a great day everyone! My thoughts are with all of you!

Dr. Harley says the worst part of withdrawal is over about 3 weeks after NC, but it can last for much longer. Your husband isn't there yet. As long as he's still running into her at the convenience store, taking phone calls from her, and responding to text messages, they are still in contact.

Staying busy is good and taking time off from the adultery fallout is better. One cannot deal with adversity 24/7. It'll drive one insane.

Have a great weekend.

Thank you for all of your insight! I greatly appreciate it! I decided that it's too hot outside to do any gardening, so I'm on my second movie, and I've taken a nap! Hope you have a great weekend too!

I forget - are you taking anti-D's?

Hi, believer, Yes, I am, and I truely think it's been the besy once we got the dosage right!

H and I had another good night! Got the neighbors to watch YS for a while. Just jumped on the bike to go eat something! We met a few friends while out, chit chatted, ate, and came home. We picked up YS and put him to bed, sat of the swing looking at the moon, talked a little, and came in! H said he loved me, I said I loved him too! I waited about 30 secs, and said more than you know! H said I hope so, even through I'm a little tanished! I said you just need some polishing! And Talk about connecting from there!

He's had NC since last Monday, for one min call from she! He didn't get mad when I questioned he at contact. He asked why, and I said there was one call on the bill, I wasn't sure of. He told me who it was, coworkers wife looking for H. I can tell his being sincere, there's no defensiveness or anger behind his words, and body language anymore. Could it be recovery? If so, I'm so happy! It feels great!

He's been in NC for a week now? It could very well be the beginning of recovery although the critical time period for withdrawal is usually about three weeks after last contact. His contact had been calls and text messages from OW for a while though, instead of him initiating the contact, right? Perhaps that is playing some part in the process. Whatever, a week of NC is a week of NC and he's coming closer to you all the time. Good work!

Stay vigilant and watch for backsliding, okay?

Thank you so much! I got a little discouraged after reading the other post. I asked him again today about contact. Still nothing! Mondays and Tuesday make me nervous! Also, today is his first official day at the new job location, I think that was God sent! Yesterday, we went ride the motorcycle throughout the surrounding parishes. It was a beautiful day. H and I have been having a great time together, laughing and joking! H changed the belt on my car Sat, and I praised him for it. H said he was surprised that I didn't do it myself, I joked with him and said I needed a real man to do it for me! He's been really great since last Tuesday falling out with me hitting him! Almost like a new person! well, I'll write more later!